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So I have this other thread “what if he never wants me back” where my relationship history and break up is written out. I really need some advice and help one the last couple of days that are posted at the end of that thread. My ex has sent me text from out of the blue (more info in the thread) and he showed up here on Sunday evening without calling first, luckily I was not at home at that time. I am so scared that he is putting me in the friends zone and I am wondering what he’s latest actions means? I am so scared to get my hopes up to. Can anyone help me?
I think that him texting you out of the blue is a good sign. If he saw you and took the initiative to text you first then he might’ve been thinking about you beforehand and seeing you gave him an excuse to say something. His flirting and smileys are also a good sign, being polite and minimal with your texts is also good and I believe that maybe he could be trying to slowly ease back into your life.
You think so? I really don´t know what to think about all of this. I am scared to get my hopes up to high as well. Everything about the break up and the relationship is in my other thread. We have been together for 2,5 years, he got cancer when we had been together for 4 months, he was under treatment for nearly a year, we almost lost him at one point. We got through it together and I stood by him. He was done with his treatments early fall 2013, and summer 2014 he started struggling mentally wirh all he has been through. It´s a complicated situation. But I have always thought he is the one. I want him in my life. He did show up here on sunday evening as well, I was not home, but he called med and wondered where I was because he had been at my house. He had taken a different road home after he had dropped off his son, and to take that road and drive by my house, it´s a detour for him. So he must have been wanting something. When he called that sunday he started talking about the normal stuff we usually talk about when I told him where I was, and when I asked him if he had showed up at my house to get his stuff (he has a t-shirt here) he said: something like that. Does all of this mean something? Or is he just friend zoning me? What should I do? I am scared he will meet someone else or forget about me.
He is trying to slowly get back into your life, but don’t be scared about being friends use this to your advantage to show him how happy and positive you are and make him fall back in love with you.
He’s using getting the t-shirt from yours an excuse to keep the lines of communication open.
He’s definitely not forgetting about you if he text out of the blue and showed up at yours.
I hope your right. As I said he is struggling a lot, especially this last fall it got really bad, and there was some back and forth with us. We broke up for three weeks in late november, but got together again. I have written all about the break up in the other thread, but basically he had some sort of reaction to everything he´s dealing with and lashed it out at me, acting like a crazy person because I had become friends with some guy on facebook. I have absolutely no interest in this person, and vise versa, and everyone knows that people become friends with everybody on facebook, it means nothing. My ex was drunk and unstable and blew up.He was really angry and said the meanest things. A couple of days later he said that he needed to be by himself and work things out, and I could hear that he was still angry with me (for no reason), but t the same time we talked about things we usually talk about. And he said he would call me one day. Last friday I called him, I hadn´t spoken to him since that monday then. He was irritated and angry when I called, I was trying to work out how to fix the money he owes me and the t-shirt he has here, he also have a birthday present here, as I bought that prior to him blowing up and calling things off. Well the conversation went downhill and he was extremely angry over nothing!
A couple of hours later he called me and he was in a much better mood. I did not talk about our relationship at all during the conversation, we talked about things we usually talk about and we laughed a couple of times. The convo lasted for about 15 minutes. Afterwards I got this text from him where he said he of course was sad to, but he needed to figure things out in his life. He wanted us to be on friendly terms and he wished me all the best. I responded that I appreciate the text, that i understand that he needs to sort things out and figure out a path, told him agreed to friendly terms as I don´t want to argue over small things (we hardly ever argue), that I wished him well and I cared for him. And congratulated him with his birthday that was the day after.
The sunday evening he called, telling me he had been to my house. And tuesday he texted me out of the blue. I am so scared the text I got from him last friday, telling me he wishes me the best bla bla bla puts me in the friend zone. I don´t want to be his friend, I want to be his girlfriend again. I don´t want him to start looking at me as a friend. I am terrified about everything. Him meeting someone else, moving on, and so on. I haven´t heard since he texted on tuesday. I know h has the weekend off from his son this weekend and I have the weekend off from my daughter. He told me his plans when we talked on sunday, I told him that I was going to maybe go out with friends. I keep thinking that what if he have plans with another girl. I am just freaking out! I think that him showing up like that (thank God I wasen´t home – don´t want him seeing me in my sweats at the moment) and texting me must mean something. But I am afraid that I am over thinking it and putting to much into it. And that another girl will caught his attention and he will forget about me.
He’s still in love with you but is very confused, don’t get mixed up in that, NC now and even if he texts or rings ignore him!
My partner had cancer also & it does change people.
Stop driving yourself mad with what he is doing.
I don´t feel like I can ignore him, I know he is a person that responds negative when he´s ignored. But I use my time responding, I wait a few hours, and so on. To make him wait a bit. He usually calls again then. If I totally ignore him I know it will backfire due to his personality, so I have to use something in between. I do not contact him.
I just hope there is a chance for us, that I can get him back. We have been through so much together and I don´t want to throw what we have away. The night he was drunk, blew up and cutting it off, he blocked me on facebook out of anger, he unblocked med the day after, but we are not friends there at the moment, and I am not sending him a friend request first. He said he wouldn´t have done that if he hadn´t been drunk and so mad, but it´s hurtful to me that he hasn´t sent me request.
Do you think he thinks about me? It´s so strange that he could see that it was me tuesday evening as well, it was dark on the road, raining, I couldn´t see him – but I don´t see very well in the dark. And it´s strange to me that he is using my front light as an excuse to text me, because both him and I have known for weeks that it has been broken.
Of course he is still thinking about you, he’s still calling and texting and showing up.
You need to do NC as I don’t see why he would be negative towards you, your driving yourself crazy and it’s not helping you.
We are all desperate to get back with our ex’s but that’s why the NC rule is there so they can start missing us and wanting to give it another shot.
I am definitely not contacting him. And I am very vague towards him. I use Kevin’s advice on how to respond, to be cool like ice as he says. I have read that totally ignoring could backfire, and I just now my ex so well that if I totally ignored him he would never look towards me again. I do ignore him a little bit, but he has not been calling and texting me every day. And I don’t know if I’ll ever hear from him again though.
I will stick to the no contact then. It’s so hard not contacting him when it’s the only thing I want to do. I hope it gets easier. Well I haven’t heard from him since the text I got on Tuesday.
It is very hard, I’m on day 16 and it does get better, he’s not thinking of your feelings when he’s texting and showing up.
You need to make him realise your not at his beck and call.
I want him to wonder what I am doing and miss me. I don’t want him to put me in the friend zone. I’m so scared of that! I know it’s stupid obsessing about what he’s doing. But every night I get this devastating feeling that he’s with someone else and it drives me crazy picturing him with another girl or flirting with someone. The thought keeps me up at night, I just can’t shut my mind off, so I barely get some sleep. I am afraid that he will never want to get back together, move on and forget all about me. I am trying to improve myself, but it’s not easy. I just feel that it hasn’t sunk in yet, that he has called things off, because I am so desperately hoping he will come back to me. And what if him showing up here without calling first (I wasn’t home, but still) and texting me that night don’t mean anything to him? Like why did he do it? It must be a sign of something? Or am I just holding on to lost hope? Is it at dead end for us?
That’s why you need to put NC into place as this make him think, if you are friend zoned you can work from that but you have to become attractive to him again.
It is a horrible feeling to think of them with somebody else, they possibly hate the thought aswell.
Never lose hope it’s already good to have that but you need to 100% look after yourself.
I found having a diary and writing everythibg down in my mind helps me sleep at night, you have let it go for now.
We would all love a crystal ball and predict the future but we cannot all we can do is live in the moment and make it worthwhile, if you do this you can do anything.
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