Confusing Breakup – Beginning the Steps

Ugh, Everyone in my life tells me to move on. And if she wanted something different she would have contacted by now. I just don’t know what to believe. Sooner or later NC is going to eat me alive too.

Looking for/dating other women only makes me want her more.

I’m worried I’m going to do something stupid, after almost 7 weeks of NC.

I called her on Thursday, to see how she was doing. I got no reply.

It hurts but I’m working to move on.

Update,

It is truly over. We have been NC for more then two months now. I’ve not heard from her at all. I have been having ups and downs over that time but I’ve felt pretty good for a few weeks now but so so today. I’ve been on a few dates and some of the women seem superior to my ex, which is a nice thing to see. I was rejected a second date by one though, but that’s part of it.

One of the things that helps me move on is that shortly after my last update I saw her post some pictures with another guy, She has posted a couple. She is careful about what she says about him online and she doesn’t really say anything affectionate about him but It’s obvious they are together. I never knew about him so he probably was not a friend of hers beforehand or he could have been kept a secret. This helps tell me that it’s over but it doesn’t make anything easier to swallow. Having an ex move on and commit to another person about a month after breaking up with me makes me feel pretty worthless, but nonetheless it closes the book. I make a point to not check her Social media but I have my weak moments.

I’m hoping I can continue moving forward. I still miss her. I miss her upbeatness, her compliments, her support and her company. But that woman was gone a long time ago anyway. Frankly it doesn’t help that everyone else in my life is in a happy relationship, but I know it will come. I do feel that NC has been a blessing it’s the fastest way to get over her.

I’ve been working on myself a lot lately. Hitting the gym hard. 8 plus hours a week. Heavy lifting and heavy cardio. I’ve joined a young persons church group filled with people my age. I’ve joined toastmasters too. I’m actually pretty jammed busy. Almost everyday I have something to do.

Thanks Patricia,

Your words are always reassuring and well guided. It was tuff to accept that its over but It is what needed to happen. I don’t’ want to surrender all my thoughts and energy to this one women whom I know is not reciprocating. I wish the best for her even if it is with this new man because I’ll always love her in some way. But she did too much damage to me for me to be vested in her in anyway.

This is my first big experience like this. I’ve been rejected before sure but I’ve never had a long term relationship before and this one was a big one.

There are still dark moments. I can’t cover that up. I believe I could also be burning out from all the activities that I’m trying to do but its kind of a pick your poison thing where If I sit idle to long the pain boils up. Its just a balance thing.

Some of the positives that are coming out of the experience
• I’ve grown closer to my family, with my Ex gone I lost the person I’d share everything with. This forced me share it with my family. <- Biggest one
o I can’t believe some of the feelings I share with them know, its very different I used to be closed off.
• I’ve gotten in better shape.
• I’ve met at least 25 new friends or acquaintances
• Joined a church group, stronger faith.

I don’t want to go into to much detail because this site is for reconciliation. But unfortunately, in my case that doesn’t seem to be feasible. She simply does not what to talk to me right now.

I kept it from many, but I honestly wanted to be dead some days right after the breakup. I never really planned out an act but there were days where I was like oh boy it would be nice; wouldn’t all the pain go away. What if a car hit me today not so bad huh. The phase is long over. It gets easy to get carried away with trying to get someone back that you think life ends without them. It doesn’t.

Another thing to get off my chest that I didn’t reveal in these boards is that my EX was a self-proclaimed sex addict. She never cheated on me that I know of. She was never very open about this until the last few months of the relationship where she said she had a porn problem, which she expected me to break up with her over. She went to a support group for it. There were times where I could keep up with it and her desires, but then times where I couldn’t, especially this spring when I had a hernia repair surgery. In hindsight its impossible to state that this would not have had any effect on our relationship. Maybe that’s why she moved on so quick (ugh bad thoughts lol)

Anyway, thanks to everyone who contributes on this forum it’s a phenomenal resource. I’ll update if something radical changes.