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Posts
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Hello,
After 2 hours crying non stop, I feel like I can write here. I’ve lost completely the will to live.
I had a relationship of 5 years (I’m 32 and she is 34) and suddenly, out of the blue (I was always by herside and did always the best I was able to do), she dumped me and just said “I love you but I’m not in love with you any longer”. That happened exactly 50 days ago. She then started to block me and unblock me from the social media, deleted all my pics, etc and after 3 weeks of NC we started Limited Contact (1 txt every week more or less, not more).
Suddenly today she called me out of the blue just to tell me “I dont want you to hear this by others, so I’m going to tell it to you directly. I have a new boyfriend since 3 weeks ago”
That means that she was able to move on after just 29 F***ING days. Only 29 days for a 5 years relationship… I can’t even look at any other girl after 50 days and she had already a boyfriend after only 29 days!!!! How can someone forgot a 5 years relationship that fast? I cant understand anything, I thought that people need time to recompose, think about things, deal with the pain and the suffering…
And thats not all, I know that she had 3 dates with 3 different guys before starting with her “New Boyfriend”. C’mon, she still having my things at her house but she is with another guy!!!
I dont know what to do, I dont know anything, I… I cannot stop crying, Im devastated, I dont know how I will be able to keep living in this kind of world…
First off, take a deep breath. I know that this feels like the end of the world at the moment, and in a lot of ways, it is. It’s the end of the world as you’ve known it while you’ve been in a relationship with her. That being said, there are plenty of other people and things in this world to live for, and you have plenty of friends on this site to listen and help you through this.
More likely than not, this is a rebound relationship. That doesn’t necessarily mean that she lacks feelings for this guy or that she’s still in love with you, but it does mean that she’s probably not truly ready to be dating but feels lonely and may miss you. I haven’t been through this situation yet, but I can imagine it’s incredibly painful. However, I do think it’ll greatly benefit you to think of it as a rebound and something that likely won’t end up being meaningful as opposed to her moving on and forgetting you in that short of a period of time. There is absolutely no way she has forgotten you. You say that people need time to recompose and think about things, to deal with pain and suffering, etc. The fact is, she’s probably dating this guy so she DOESN’T have to do any of that. Life is probably easier for her if she blocks all of her issues out and pretends they don’t exist as opposed to actually thinking about them.
Just keep posting on here and taking care of yourself. I know this has got to be almost unbearable at the moment, but it will get better. I promise.
And if it’s not too much to ask/you need a distraction from having to think about it, you could help me think about my issue right now too: https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/this-clearly-isnt-a-typical-break-up-so-what-do-i-do/
Don’t worry.
1) It might be rebound relationship,if it is she will be back.
2) If she really moved on so fast after spending 5 years with you,than feel yourself lucky as she never loved you and you are better off without her.Just do NC and be confident,positive & focus on other things,even though I can feel your pain.
Good luck hang in there,you will be fine.
You know how I feel about this
You helped her so much in her life and she has LOTS of issues. Just like between said, and I didn’t remember to think of that, she is with another guy to NOT have to deal with that. What that does is she will not heal,and she will keep comparing this new guy to you. And you know how much you did for her that no one else would do , so you know sooner or later she will see this guy isn’t giving her “enough”. And then they will most likely broke up and she will be at the bottom of the well thinking what the eff has she done. Then she will realize it’s you! And she will want to get back. I’m pretty sure of this! So just hang in there, heal, treat yourself, value yourself. You know you have done nothing wrong. All you did was love this person and help her heal from her issues and put her needs first. Now, be at peace with yourself knowing you did nothing but love her, and put yourself FIRST now. If she doesn’t come back, you know what? You deserve better anyway. You deserve someone that will strive to be stable and give you what you need as well my dear. You know this
Keep posting here, people are so great and supportive, I know you will feel much better. And I’m always here, as you know 🙂
As I said on another replies…
Her previous BF was an abuser, he treated her like trash, he even beat her, and one time he raped her, impregnated her and forced her to abort. And then she met me, I treated her like a princess, she told me that she had problems with having sex (I understand it) and I waited for months until she was ready, I never forced her into anything, I helped her with the therapy… well, all of you can Imagine the kind of sacrifices I made and the patince I had etc…
For example, we lived together (because of our jobs) from friday to sunday every week, and I went to see her 1 more day every week (That meant 4 days every week together), and the other 3 days of the week I was used to spend between 4-5 hours ON DAILY speking with her by phone… And she even said sometimes that I was not enough time by herside…
I gave her EVERYTHING in my life, EVERYTHING, I was the only one in her life when she needed help (Even her family told her that if her boyfriend was an abuser, It was because she would have done something wrong), I sacrificed a LOT of things in order to help her… and now what? She doesnt even care about me, she doesnt care about my suffering… And the most painful, she only needed 29 days to get a “new boyfriend”, a completely stranger!!! (I know that because I spent a lot of time yesterday speaking with our common friends and her best friend, and even her best friend is astonished by this situation and thinks it’s going to end badly for my ex)
Being treated this ways after 5 ayers, after all my sacrifices, after everything I did… This is amazingly painful.
More updates:
I don’t understand what’s happening anymore. She called me again and asked me to meet her the next saturday because she want to spend the day with me.
She literally told me: “Hey, I dont have any plan this saturday, so why dont you come to my house so we can spend the day together? It’ll be fun”
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING? She told me yesterday that she has a new boyfriend since 3 weeks ago and today she asked me to spend one day with her? I really need some advice, I dont know what to do or whats happening anymore.
PLS HELP!!!
Wow, that’s weird… I guess these common friends might have told her you were down? It looks like she cares. But it is confusing
I’m still quite lost.
My plan is to meet her this saturday, tell her what I have to tell… and then delete her phone number and try to move on and focus on me.
Why do I decided to meet her? Well, the breakup for me was quite traumatic since it came out of the blue and we were “perfect” two days before (Two days before she hugged me and crying told me that she was very thankful to me, that I was always by herside and that she love more than her own life bla bla bla). And also, because she has a new “Oficial Boyfriend” (Probably a Rebound) 29 days after dumping me.
I did already NC, I’ve waited for her to miss me and even if I was the “victim” (Said by our families and our common friends) I tried my best not to pursue her, not to bother her, not to press her… and everything ended this way.
Now I know that I wont be able to move on until I tell her what I have to tell about the breakup. I have all those feelings inside and she doesnt care about my suffering… and thats very devastating.
Who knows, maybe everything will go ok this saturday she’ll show some kind of “feelings” for me, maybe she wont care instantly but she’ll think about it in the future or… maybe she will dissapear from my life forever. One way or another that’s my decision and for now I’ll stick to it 😛
Maybe in the future her rebound will end and she’ll contact me, or maybe in some time I’ll feel good and I’ll contact her ^_^
I’m sure that I love her with all my heart even if she broke it, I want her back and Im pretty sure that we are meant to be forever… but not now.
Okay here is couple of things that bothered me when I read this. You say that couple of days before you were perfect and this came completely out of the blue. Women arent like that there has been signs not all is well problem is that you just have nit spotted them. Because it takes time for women to come to this decision and end relationship than just like that. It is usually younger girls who blurt out in the heat of moment lets break up and then not mean it really whereas women who are older take time to think about it so I think there has been signs but typically women style not the kind that you can easily interpret as signs. Is the only reason she gave you that she loves you but is not in love anymore? Because that is normal the in love stage never last forever so I think there has to bit more than to it.
Maybe she just wants to try other people out, maybe she was doubting your relationship or maybe she is just one of those people who want to sabotage the could things they have in their life. I dont know because I dont know her but I am woman in her thirties so I dont buy the reason she gave you as sole reason.
It also sounded bit like you had made her into your whole life and purpose and that is not good. I know you are hurting like crazy and you feel like life is over but like others who have been there that is so not the case. Life is far from over just because she left you and is seeing someone else. You have no idea what is around the corner for you but it requires your action too. Meet her talk to her and then remember that you were fine before her you will be fine in time again.
She sounds like she is not even sure of herself what she wants but she needs to realize she cannot just use you as support or company when she feels like it and date others so your plan sounds good to meet her say what you need and then move on and concentrate on you. You are good guy and just need time to heal from the pain.
Hello Finntoga, thanks for your reply, let me explain some more points hehe
1st – She showed 0 signs and not just to me, to everyone. Right after the break-up she published it on facebook, and 5 minutes later I received a call from her best friend telling me: “Hello, I want to join the joke. If we do between the three will be more fun… who is the target?”. Even three days after the breakup her brother called me and told me “Hey, I’m going to your city, wanna come to run with me? and ffs, stop messing up with the fucking joke, three days is enough, grow up”. Im also her boss friend, and he called me also and told me something like “I cant believe you broke up, dont try to fool me, she is incredibly calm and laughing like nothing has happened”
Finally I was able to meet almost everyone we had in common, and the conclusion was always: “We can not believe that she left you … you two were better than ever. Non stop talking good things about you, how happy she was, how much she love you…”
Its not like I was blind to some kind of “signs”… She directly showed no signs to anyone, not even to her best friend. If she had any problem with me, she never told me or to any of her friends/family… to noone.
And yes, the reason was “I love you but Im not in love with you”, she said that while crying… nothing more.
2nd – No idea… as long as I know, she had already 3 dates with 3 different guys in 29 days and an “official boyfriend” (So four guys in 29 days, Its a different guy every week), so maybe she just want to try more relationships.
3rd – Yes, probably, since she had that very hard life (Being hit, raped, forced to abort…) I focused on making her happy and I stopped thinking on me. I’ll meet her, tell her whats on my mind and try to move on.
4th – I think sometimes also the same, that she is not sure about what she wants. An example:
Two weeks ago she texted me and told me that she was moving things from her parents house to her house and that she was a bit stressed, and ended it with: “I dont have any plan for tomorrow, why dont we meet at my house and spend the day together?”
I said “no” because I was already busy and she replied “Ok, just tell me any day and we’ll meet whenever you want!!”. But now If I think about it… It was 2 weeks ago and she has a BF since 3 weeks ago… so she asked me to go to her house (And to meet whenever I want) when she was already with this new guy!!! Why me? Because her new BF was busy? is there any other reason I dont know?
And the same goes for this weekend, why she asked me to spend the day with her? Why not spending the day with her new BF?
Maybe she want yo use me when she wants to, and Im not going to let that happen. Im not a toy in her hands…
It seems like she cares for you and still has feelings that she won’t admit.
Could be that she wants to stay friends and keep in touch with you, but on the other hand, after she has a new boyfriend why would she decide meeting you all of sudden? maybe she’s not sure about her decision or maybe she wants to make it easier for you by staying close.I can understand your feelings, but you shouldn’t give up on living because of her, like people here already said you were fine before meeting her and you would be fine again after some time. She is not the only thing in this world that can make you happy, I know it feels like the end and we all here are going through hard times and feeling pain. I can tell you this, after some time it gets easier. whether you’re getting back together or not after a while it becomes better and you are starting to value yourself again and appreciate the small things in life. You shouldn’t give up because you never know what might happen, life is full of surprises. So take some time to improve and focus on yourself. Try to stay calm on your meeting. I hope everything turns out well. Stay strong! we are all here to support you! 🙂
Ok, if no one saw the signs then I get there was none. Unusual. However I agree with others. She sounds like she does not know what she wants at the moment she needs to see she cannot play with you and keep you there for her. Like others I do think she cares for you and have feelings for you. Best thing is to see what she says and how she behaves you towards you when you meet up.
Thanks for the replies
I’ve made up my mind and I will go there, speak with her (I will speak calmly, I’ll be polite and nice). I will tell to her my point of view about the breakup, my feelings during the breakup and after that, I will tell to her that I dont like her behavior (Like asking me to meet her every week while she has already a new BF)…
So probably she’ll hate me, she’ll block me from her life, she will call to her new BF and tell him that I’m a M***FUC***… and that’ll be all.
I will deal with the consequences of it, maybe she’ll rethink someday and realize that I was always there, or maybe I wont see her again.
But I must do it for my own sake!!!
And thats all 😛
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