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I don’t think you want to close this once and for all. I think you want to believe he wants you back. Your reason for allowing him to follow you on Instagram is more proof. Nobody needs to sit down and have a chat with an ex in order to get over a break up. It’s something you deal with internally on your own.
If you want to try and reconcile, you will need to have a calm discussion. I suggest you do that sometime soon so you can settle this in your own mind one way or the other. He might not come back to you or he might ask for a second chance. It’s up to you how to proceed from there..
The mind and the heart are two different things. The heart wants what it wants. That’s why there are so many love songs and why relationships are so painful when they go wrong.
You say you are 99% over him. That’s your mind speaking. Reading your posts, it is obvious your heart isn’t 99% over him. And you know that because you say you are worried you will be weak. It sounds like you are worried you will get back with him if he does want you back.
What is the reason you are worried you will get back with him? Is it because he left for some other girl? Is it because you think he was cheating on you with the other girl or because he lied about the reason for the breakup?
Is that the only reason or are there others? Were things good other than that?
He is obviously not over you as he is contacting you in different ways.
Maybe he thought he could get a better deal but it didn’t work out. You said this “People make mistakes you are right but they have to live with this and if you make a decision know the consequences.”
And I agree completely.
But, to me, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. We have to deal with the consequences and try to make them right if we can. Sometimes we can’t make them right. Sometimes we can make them “right enough”.
Could a relationship with him ever work? Is there any way he could make things “right enough”? He can’t change the past but is there anything he could do to make things “right enough” for the future for you.
If there isn’t, you should fight your heart, delete the instagram follow and have no contact at all, in any way, for at least a month from here.
If there is, you need to continue to work on making your life better and if he does come back and you go with it, make sure it is clear what he needs to do to make things “right enough”. If he does it, it is a sign of respect and that things could work. If he doesn’t, it is a sign of disrespect and it just won’t work.
I wish you the best.
I was thinking a lot about your words and made me look deep in myself. I can honestly say that we had a pretty special relationship we had such a strong connection and chemistry since the beginning. he was my first real love and I was his first real love, we lived together and had a good harmony. the reason for having problems were that he could not face himself. he had personal issues like could not get a proper job and did not have much money and it frustrated him. he is really smart but can not face problems. he did his things the same way as he left me. did not think just did. it was not about this girl as it is clear that did not work out. he needed to escape I am an adult having a good job a flat a car where he suppose to be and could not match this standards but I supported him not just financially but emotionally but if you can not face the problems the person who tries to help you becomes the enemy who wants you to deal with yourself, even tough you know that this person is right and wants you to be happy. this was the easy way out, the reason form him was that he was not in love anymore and this is just an excuse. yes I was stressed I gained weight I wanted him to be successful because he wroth it, he is not a bad person in fact he is a good one and he did all of this “bad thing” out of stress and fear. I was a partner a good one he not so much but I know him he wanted to but screwed up.
after the break up I went trough a really tough time I felt not wanted and ugly and not loved but I have accepted later that he moved on with this girl and now he can have a carefree summer and being a teenager again, I started to develop myself loosing weight and loving myself and after just 2 months I was okey did not think of this I have amazing friends that supported me and loved me and life came back.
everyone told me that once he will be out of money and has to move back to his parents or the girl will realize that who he is she live break up with her. and maybe they were right at the time and they predicted that within 4-5 months he wants to crawl back ( during the summer he had a job which lasted for 2 months in the countryside) but so soon? the job not even ended now they could be together for real not doing long distance. but no he immediately contacted me and the last 3 weeks he did quite a lot. the reason I am feeling weak because I am confused, I know him I knew him every single thing what he feels how he thinks, and now I do not know what he wants. yes it is easy to say to get over him he is not right for you but who knows this person or the relationship that we had? me. not 1 year passed only 2,5 months. and he did not change at all it seems as he is not man enough to stand in front of me to tell me what he wants. okey he is now facing the break up and maybe does not know what he wants and he made a huge mistake and people are not perfect but me neither I don’t know what I want because he does not know what he wants and you get over the break up internally yes I agree but not when your ex is trying to get back in your life these distraction can ruin my getting over process. I am tired emotionally I was the one who had to face all the problems mainly mine and getting over the fact that the person I cared about the most and loved so much left me for a girl who is not comparable with me. yes it was a downgrade and I should not be mad at her but I am, I am honest and I am angry at her. and him too. but I want to close this I want to know what is his end game and go from there, not deciding right now what I want. I have not seen him over 2,5 months now, I have not talk to him. I am fragile at one point I feel I could never touch him or look at him and other times I feel that if he faces his problems and proves to himself that he is worthy and of course for me yes it can work but it takes a lot of work. I am not over him not my mind not my heart it was 2,5 years of love and partnership and future planning which was thrown out because of a bad decision. it is really painful and now I am just confused 100% because we had something special we knew and everyone knew and this is more then enough to believe that it can work but it also means that it can be thrown out that easily as well. if he does not want me back why contact? why he wants to see me on instagram? he wants me to see how happy he is with this girl? or he wants me to see that there is no girl? too many questions and no answer just my mind going places where it not suppose to. in the meantime I am working on myself I am proud of myself I did this whole thing with grace and did not contact him at all did not post stupid things on social media people are seeing that I am doing better and everyone is proud of me. I feel confident I got my justification with him contacting me and possible not together with that girl. but stil something is feeling not complete. so this is my answer sorry for the long post but now you know what is really in my mind and in my heart.@daisy -You are needlessly dragging this out. We know you want him, so meet up and discuss the situation. You will never have peace of mind until you do..
I’m sorry things are so painful. Love causes to much happiness and so much pain.
You seem to have done everything right so far. I would guess it will continue to be painful but you will do what is right for yourself going forward. Working on making yourself happy and yourself better is great. I wouldn’t suggest contacting him. I would wait for him to contact you and then make a decision of what you want to do then. Continue to work on making things better for yourself, you’ve done a great job so far.
thank you it felt good your words. yes it is painful I am strong. what happened was that maybe I made my first mistake I gathered all of his things what he left at my apartment and I asked him what does he want with them. he replied by saying that he still in the countryside but will be in the same city as me next week and will come and get it. he also asked if it urgent. I replied that it is okey then this morning he sent me a thank you. so next week we will meet. I am aware that it will be painful to see him as I am 100 % sure he does not want to get back together and I might but I will be strong and try not show any emotion. and hopefully after that it will not hurt as much. I also do not want to overthink it, why he is coming personally as when he left he sent his friend, why he contacted me if he still works. and the main question which I might not get answer what is his goal. painful but it works for the long run. Thank you again
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