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I need advice right now. My girlfriend of 8 months are currently on a break, or break up, idk honestly. It started on October 11. She told me it was because she liked someone else for a few months and she lost her love for me. She said she loves me deep down, but she doesn’t feel it now. So I did what any guy would do, I begged, I cried, sent flowers, texted constantly, gave her letters, begging her to take me back and not fall for the guy she likes. She written me a letter a day after our break saying she doesn’t feel right dating me and liking someone else, and that she needed space to figure things out. But she said she wants to be with me in the end, since I’m the guy she truly loves. I still acted desperate and almost two weeks ago, she straight up tells me that we should date other people, and if she misses me, she will come back. I acted calm on that part, and texted her saying I wished her luck, if this is what she wants. I end up texting her asking if she wanted to reunite for lunch about 4 days afterwards to see what’s been happening, so I failed on the no contact of course. So I saw her this past wenesday and she tells me she’s been dating the guy since Monday, so it’s been barely two weeks and she’s already going out with the guy. I feel like I lost this battle. And I felt inclined to tell her that this was a bad idea, but I kept my cool and told her if she’s happy, she should do as she pleases. She also said I drove her away since she said I didn’t compliment on her looks, called her beautiful, and we argued a lot early in our relationship, especially an argument in particular that affected her to this day still. Is there hope that I can win her back? So far, I haven’t spoken to her since wenesday, so it’s day 4 of no contact with her. But she did message me on facebook yesterday early in the morning sending me of a picture of her after she straightened her hair. I always told her that she would look great with straight hair. I won’t accept moving on as an answer. I’ve been in a 3 year relationship before and while that was special, it was also my first love, I managed to get over it after a little while. But the time I spent with this girl is beyond any relationship I could ever dream of. I know she’s the one for me and I can’t bare to lose her. Please, What else should I do? Please help. P.s, the guys she’s currently dating is a friend of hers for 2 years, I was her friend for 4 years before we started dating.
First off you can’t put a time on it, it could be months, it could be years every couple and situation is different so that’s the bad news. The other bad news is it seems like she is keeping you around as a safety net in case things go south with this new guy, in which case she can end the “break” and get back with you. The good news is that she cares enough that she doesn’t want to lose you entirely. On the whole “what you did wrong” thing I would say do your best to ignore that, forgive yourself and move on. Sounds to me like she felt guilty she liked another guy and is blaming you to relieve some of her guilt. She is making up excuses and throwing the blame of things ending on you, like “oh if you did this it would’ve been fine” which is just immature.
With the other guy, it sounds like a rebound or a stupid infatuation, she likes the idea of him and is using him to “replace” her relationship with you. It’s doomed to failure simply because he isn’t you and she will see that sooner or later. At that point she will start missing you, she may even start missing you while with the other guy.
Id say back off for a few weeks, if she texts you either don’t respond or don’t respond fast. She is keeping you around for very selfish reasons and she needs to see that her actions have consequences. Make her realize what she lost and what she is getting in return. In the meantime do you best to do the self improvement advice youve probably seen already, work out, eat right, try to get past any hang ups you may have. Good luck
This is actually the best advice I have been given since this crisis started for me. Thank you! I really hope it does work. So far it’s day 5 since I last contacted her. Im gonna try my best and wait out the relationship she’s in now but at the same time, improve on myself. I’ve been hanging out with friends and they all support me. Even her mother supports me and understands my point of view(I see her when my ex isn’t at home) and she doesn’t like the guy that took her from me. She said i was the best boyfriend her daughter ever had, which always make me smile. I have a lot of positives that I wasn’t paying much attention to until now. I still love her of course, and I know she feels the same way, but I’m not gonna hang back and wait for it to happen, whenever it does happen.
That’s a very good attitude, you shouldn’t wait around for her. It’s one thing to love someone and want them back, it’s another entirely to obsess and NEED them back. The healthy thought process is the former, you want her back and will do the steps that encourage that but in the meantime take steps to get past it and prepare for thw rest of your life.
The great part is once she starts seeing how stupid she acted the full weight of the breakup will hit her like a ton of bricks, while you have already gotten past it and are in a good place mentally, which gives you the advantage for a change. It flips it where youre the one being chased and she is the one wanting a relationship again.
That would be a great feeling. I still keep going day by day. But I am ready to accept whatever is thrown at me. Nothing would make me happier knowing she would take me back. But I can survive without her. It sucked, we have invested so much time with each other, it was the best year of my life, it actually felt like she was living with me because she slept over my house a lot, or I slept over her house. It felt like a big piece of my life left when she decided to go on this “break” with me. Idk, it’s been a tough three weeks, and a tough week of not texting her as well.
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