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Hello, I’m back because I just found out that my ex is in a rebound relationship.
My ex and I were off and on at one earlier this year. He said it was his lowest point, and he found a support system in one girl from work to deal with the hurt. I know because he told me when we were back together, trying to fix things. And when he broke up with me, he just told me he “can’t love me the way he is now”. How confusing. But now it makes more sense that he broke up with me because, subconsciously, he knows he has the girl to fall back to.
Before the break up, they were already talking. That was 4 months before the break up. After the break up, while I was doing No Contact, they got together. That was 1 month after the break up.
I believe he’s in a rebound relationship. And my action plan is to let it play out. I cannot pry them apart and I cannot convince him that she’s no good. I’m going to let it be. I can post on Facebook things that make him miss me (we’re still Facebook friends), but that’s all I think I can do for now. I’ll also continue working and doing my hobbies and things I love.
Any advice on what else to do? It’s foolish to hope, I know. But it’s better to feel positive than to slip back into a miserable state.
I think most people here on this site are going through a difficult period and wouldn’t say you are foolish to hope. It’s human nature to wish for things to be different.
The fact that you are still emotionally invested in a guy that is dating another girl must be incredibly hard, but hoping he comes back one day isn’t the best way to feel positive, in my opinion. Because your mind and your emotions will be at odds most of the time. You recognize rationally your chances aren’t good, and yet emotionally you keep digging yourself deeper and deeper, wishing for a miracle to happen and detaching yourself from reality. And I hope you don’t misinterpret me, I’m not saying he won’t come back one day (I really have no clue what will happen), but in case he does, who will he find when he comes? I hope he finds a girl that is in a much better place than she is now.
And for that to happen, you need to take better care of you, to focus on you. Right now, from what you wrote, you’re still living your life focused on this guy. Your happiness should depend mostly on how you feel about yourself, not on his future decisions. He may be living a rebound (or not), but if he ever breaks up with the girl, he may also be ready to move on with someone different and who isn’t you. Have you also considered this possibility?
I hope this didn’t come off as harsh, as it really wasn’t my intention. I just needed to tell you that you deserve to be happy by loving yourself first – any guy, no matter who he is, always comes second. And when you do set your priorities straight, when you fall in love with yourself, you will find that things work themselves out very organically. People are attracted to people who feel great. For me that is what being positive is all about! Good luck!
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