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I’m sorry if my storyline is messy, because I’m still a mess right now.
We had been together for 5 months, just broke up 9 days ago. My ex boyfriend broke up with me because he doesn’t like the person I am: we fought so regularly; we have different mindset in dealing the problem, so we seem to never agree on anything only when we fight. When he broke up with me, he said: “I don’t love you anymore.” “I want a long-term relationship, but it is you who make me rethink my decision.” “Don’t ever text or call me again, I won’t reply.” “Don’t contact me again, just forget about me.”
He said a lot of hurtful things, some of them hurt my tolerance too. One minute he was all so caring and a lovey-dovey boyfriend, the next day he turned into a cold-hearted monster who hurt my feeling deeply 🙂 I didn’t talk to him for a week, then returning to offer being friends with him because I didn’t want any bad feelings between us, which he agreed to. Yet things got messy. We had one bad fight again, with me hurting his pride and he hurting my feelings again. Then at night, he finally sit to end this. I asked for his real thoughts & feelings, answering the questions obsessing my mind for the past week.
I asked, “Did you really love me?”
“Yes.” he said.
“Much?” I asked.
“Not much.”That’s it. He broke up with me because he doesn’t love me enough to overcome our struggles. People say when a person wants to breakup, they will find a reason 🙂 The problem is that he doesn’t love me as much as I love him, and that broke me. However, I’m a stubborn girl. Just yesterday, I settled our breakup from a messy breakup into an acceptable one.
Yesterday, he really said his mind: “The days ignored your text. I just wanted to disappear. I made a mistake of loving you while I didn’t love you as much. You are the one took all the burden to my mistakes and because of that, I can’t face you. I can’t look at you and see what I have done to you. I think I wasted your precious time. I think without me in my life, you won’t have to cry and sad and wait for my messages every day.”
Despite of the fact that men’s words are unbelievable, I ask again, when he’s ready, can we be friends again. And he said OK. We are now just facebook friends, but never talk. But I still tend to get him back, so I guess this is the No Contact phrase for me. I still love him, no doubt, even though he is a lady-killer, he didn’t cheat on me. He are my everything: joy, sadness, rainy days, thoughts,… I thought he was ‘the one’ who needs to learn a bit more about how to love since we’re still young.
The problem which makes me worry is that: my ex is quite tough to change his mind. I want to get him back, but I’m terrified of the thought that he thinks breaking up with me would find me a better man who loves me more than he did, that he did me a favor, so he won’t be back ruining my life again. But life without him aren’t the same again 🙂 Why is it that instead of feeling unworthy of my love, why don’t he try his best to deserve it? He made a clean-cut, telling me not to text him again. That he doesn’t love me anymore, he hates me, he doesn’t want a future with me. Moreover, I’m afraid that, since he had loved his ex more than he loved me, and he probably regret breaking up with her. He could try to get back to her during my No Contact phrase.
So what are your says on my case? I want him back for sure since I really think we can sort everything out in the new relationship, but I don’t know with a man like him, will these tactics work? Anything could help! Thank you!
Hello,
How old are the both of you? Also are you doing NC? Then I don’t think being friends on Facebook would be good even if you don’t talk just because you might be tempted to look at his page etc.@happy8days – He never loved you as much as you loved him. When a guy says that and doesn’t want to repair a relationship, they are serious about not reconciling. Please try to accept the truth and move on. You will eventually find a very nice guy who will love you and want a good relationship with you.
You deserve to be loved and respected..@Shesjustmaria we are both 20. He told me to not contact him and I agreed – I think this is the NC, but I’m not sure if it will work in my case. He is focusing on his school work and assignments, I don’t know if he ever has the time to think of his past. Though we are FB friends, but I unfollowed him so I don’t have to see his news, and he’s quite inactive, he rarely posts anything, just using Messenger. I excessively understand that even if I break the NC rule and text him, he still texts me back with a distant politeness because that’s who he is.
@patricia12 to be honest, this is my first break up, everything is so new even the pain. When we were together, he said he felt the peace when being with me; he never found any girl that matches his ‘crazy’ like me, not even his ex’s. We were like 100% matched when it’s fun, but when things got rough, he tended to keep his dismay rather than talk to me => He fell out of love. I even told him that if anything about me makes him uncomfortable, then JUST TALK, because I have the solution for all his problems and yet, he was still stubborn. I don’t know… I feel something special about him that I won’t find in any other guys. So I will have to try getting him back or just die trying 🙂 eventually, the result is my growth and experience so I’m taking risks. Thank you for your thoughtful advice!Trust me I’m a junior in college and I work, attend school full time and stay busy with vacations and family with that being said. That’s why me and my ex fell off I didn’t realize how bad he was hurting until it was too late and I ijnored the signs and the fact he mentioned it to me several times that he loved me, missed me and wanted to see me more. With that being said it took for him to break up with me and jump in what seems like a rebound relationship for my eyes to open and realize I messed up and took him for granted. So with that, I would continue NC with your ex maybe he will miss you maybe he won’t be he won’t be too busy to think about the relationship and what went wrong. I would do NC for about min 30 days but probably 2monthd if not longer, then reach out. The ball is in his court and the biggest thing right now seems to be the both of you reacting off of emotion instead of logic and with time and space you’ll be able to think more logically. Once you get to that point you may or may not even want him back but you will have a clearer mind of what went wrong and decide if you even want him in your life and vise Versace. Right now he needs time and space and so do you.
@Shesjustmaria lucky you that he loved you 😀 It’s strange that during the NC, reading posts about getting ex back keep my mind off of his FB and active time (I had a habit of checking on him to see whether he’s asleep or still awake overdoing stuff and harm his health, yup that’s how much I cared, and still after break up) I have seen him got over his ex’s, he even befriended his first love – they have been friends for 6 years. I don’t know if this will affect any of my chances. Anyway, thank you so much for your insight! It helps ^^
Hello, it’s me again. So I finished NC on day 31. I contacted my ex 2 days ago. First day, first contact, he actually replied to my “I have something to share” text, and was quite curious about the whole thing. I thought things went well when I told him I got a few bruises practcing riding a bike, he asked about it as if he worried about my injuries. The 2nd day, things got a little bit out of control. He started to talk about his past few days, saying how he’d never shaved his beard, messy hair don’t care act, risking his study results by handing assignments late, he doesn’t take care of his look in general (He is very neat usually), and how his mom saw him getting thinner and he hated that, he got himself busy with more studies over and over again. All the crazy things he did to damage his health and mental. But the thing is, he never tells anything like that to anyone, even his family. He only tells me like the past he usually complained about his day… Like he waited for me to contact him and when the time come, he bitterly told me. I asked myself why he’d tell me all that? Is it just to make me feel bad? Is he suppressing his true feelings? I got a feeling all that crazy little things he did have somewhat to do with me and the breakup, but I also know he will never admit it. I asked one of my guy friend about what’s that mean, and he said my ex might be tricking me into getting back to him or he has a weak mind that cannot cope up with the breakup. I wanted to rush to him to check on him like the time we were together, but luckily I didn’t let my emotion lead the way. And today is the 3rd day, I still text him casually, but he replies much longer than that of yesterday when he was complaining. Any ideas, anyone?
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