Am I too late to start NC?

I’ve read your NC 5-step plan which I want to try, but am I too late?

I’ll try and be as succinct as possible.

My boyfriend and I were together for 4.5 years.

We lived with each other last year in a rented property, but after 10 months were kicked out by the landlord who wanted to live in the house himself. So in October 2014 my boyfriend and I moved out of the house. Rather than rent somewhere else we went back to our separate parents as we were going to buy a house instead of rent. So it was just meant to be temporary. But I got a new job right after we left the house, which was only fixed-term contract. So no one would lend us a mortgage. So the fixed-term job is for a year (ends next month), and we tried to carry on our relationship living apart. Bottom line, we drifted. We argued, all the time. Our relationship crashed.

June 28th, he broke up with me. I begged solidly for a week and then decided to cut contact. I lasted 17 days. I contacted him in a state and we text and I asked him to meet me the following day to exchange our belongings. Which he agreed to. I met up with him and we talked and he still didn’t want to try again. He said he wanted to be friends. I said I couldn’t. I went about five days of further no contact and then it was my birthday.

I was still devastated (by this time just over a month broken up) so I started texting him again and telling him I wanted to work it out, that I couldn’t live without him, loved him etc. etc.. I told him I wanted to try again but he said no. We spent the entire day texting with me sending massive essay texts begging him to change his mind. He said no. But then out of the blue, he said he would take me on a date when I get back from holiday. I was booked to go on holiday mid September. So, I agreed and immediately felt better. I had hope. I decided again to cut him out of my life and give him space. I knew that in 7 weeks I would see him for a date. So I tried to keep distant from him and get on with my life and not contact him. I knew the date was coming up so I lived my life and felt happy.

I was happier because I knew we had a date coming up. It had been three weeks without contact and then he contacted me. He was moving out of his parents into a house with friends. I was gutted because he was signing up for a year, but he said he needed to do it, and that there was a break clause so could leave in six months if he wanted to. So he contacted me and we talked and he told me all about his new house. He asked me again about the date, rather sheepishly asking “Do you still want to meet up? I do”. I said yes of course. It was three weeks until my holiday (so four until the first weekend for a date), so I still kept my distance, not pushing anything. But he did contact me three or four more times in that time leaving for my holiday. Each time we talked, he initiated contact. He text me right before I got on the plane and he still let me think we had a date coming up.

Cue last weekend. I had an amazing holiday. I bought him a gift. I got back home and expected him to contact me. I waited. He didn’t. I waited two days and then contacted him. He replied and said he had changed his mind and he wants to move on and only wants to meet up as a friends. The date is off. He said he is sorry for leading me on and letting me think there would be a date.

He said he does/did want to go on a date but he just doesn’t think our relationship will fix. He says he has no faith that we can fix the relationship. So, I’ve spent this entire week feeling like I did at the end of June. It’s like he frozen my healing time by promising me this date. I’ve now become desperate and begged and begged him.

Yesterday, I sent him a trillion texts trying to convince him to try again. I told him I loved him so much more than anything. He said No, it’s over and he doesn’t have faith he can fix it. He is happier now and as much as he wishes things could go back to how they were, he doesn’t have faith that it can. I feel annoyed with myself, because if this was 3 months ago when we first broke up and I did NC from this point onwards, I may have still had a chance. But 3 months has passed and we have still maintained contact and now I feel like it’s too late to do NC. He has used this time to get over me, whilst I have been waiting for him.

I have deleted him last night off my phone, my internet, my social media, my everything. I just want him to change his mind. We did argue a lot during the end of our relationship and I wish it would just go back to the beginning. The last year was tough. We get on well, so well, he is my best friend, but we also have a lot of differences in our lives and clash on a lot of things. He said we will always clash and argue and doesn’t want to be in a relationship like that. He says he is happier now. I have learnt a valuable lesson in life about appreciating people, because I used to moan at him a lot of time about our differences and I didn’t value the good in him, of which there is plenty. We are a square peg and a round hole and different and I was forever trying to mould him to be a round peg! I realise now, though, that he was everything I ever wanted and have totally ruined it.

I think he is basically loving this new single life. He’s been in the house for three weeks and living with his mates and going out every weekend getting drunk is attractive to him. I think the novelty will wear off. I’m hoping it does and I’m hoping he will change his mind about me. All our family – his included, because he’s mum has been texting me – thinks he has made a mistake and is hoping that he will change his mind.

I think the house with his friends is the reason to his change of heart about going on a date wit me. Two weeks ago he was telling me we would go on a date. But now it is all over. All over! He says this has been the hardest decision in his life, but he thinks it’s for the best and he wants to move on and says I should move on, too.

Is there any point me trying to do NC to win him back or shall I just forget it? I can’t bring myself to even think about dating someone else as I know my ex is the one for me and I just wish he would realise it, too. Any help would be great. I cannot cope. I really cannot. 🙁 Has anyone got back with an ex? Does it actually happen? After how long? I can’t bear to think of him being with someone else. I am crushed. Utterly crushed and feel so upset that I was lead on for the last three months as if I’d done proper NC back then, we could be back together by now.

I’m now hoping that if I concentrate on myself, stop contacting him, he will change his mind. I’m going to focus on myself and in a few months move out of my parents house. I still have some of this things in my storage so when I move into my own place, I will have to see him. I am going to become the best and most amazing version of myself ready for that day. It may take three to four months but I have no choice. Am I setting myself up for a fall again though? Am I too late for this NC plan?

Any advice would help. Sorry this is long!