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JHey guys I’m just seeking some friendly advice. My ex and I are both 25 yrs old and have been together for about 8 yrs. We also got in engaged in Spring 2013. Like many others we spent everyday together creating memories and going through the ups and downs of a relationship. Towards the end of 2013 I started becoming emotionally distant from her where I wasn’t the nicest person and I wouldn’t talk to her and times put her down. She lost her parents and grandma and their were nights she would come crying to me and all I would do is turn the other way and leave. I was battling my own depressions at that time and couldn’t open up to her.
She constantly gave me warning signs like your going to “push me away away for good Anthony” a lot. She started going out with her friends and i would rarely see her. During this time we have been living with my parents which made it worse with them always in our way. Finally in June we broke up we had an emotional goodbye and she moved out. I had just gotten our first apartment a month prior. After the break up we stayed in contact through texts and whatnot even a month after we went out and seen a movie and had a good time. A month after that we went out for a drink and food and again had a good time. But something change and she completely shut me out. I invited her over one night and she was thinking about it but then said her aunt said it wasn’t a good idea. She stopped replying to me and I eventually found out she is going on dates with a co worker.
I lost my mind and started becoming angry and needy and trying to get her back. She began telling me I need to let her be for awhile and relax and not be so pushy. I eventually sent flowers to her job and Im sorry letter and she responded that’s not going to change how she feels. Also the other night she came by to pick up stuff I asked her to come over to me so I can say sorry. As she walked over to me she started saying ” I’m not getting back together with you ” several times when I wasn’t even asking for that. She changed her number and said I can’t have it but can still email her and snapchat her??????… I just need advice. I have had time to grieve because i come home to an empty apartment. She lives with a bunch of people and animals and kids that help keep her mind off of things so I don’t think she even processed it. She is also the type to listen to people advice quickly like her family. I can’t help think their having a strong influenced on her in regards to me. Am I done for or do I have hope and need back off? I mean 8 years shouldn’t be so easy to shake off right? Thanks guys.
I forgot to mention she also told me ” I need move on and learn and don’t be sad and things happen and I need to accept it.” I honestly don’t know if I should give up with that being said or give her space and try because since the break up the most I’ve gone without contact is about 3 days with me trying to talk to her.
you gotta hold on man.. im in a similar boat as you are. my ex’s parents, I believe had a lot of influence on our relationship and how it ended, I can be wrong? but at the end she told me she wasn’t happy or wasn’t “in love” with me anymore & she moved back home. you will have your good and bad days but keeping NC is the best thing you can do right now and to focus on YOU & no one else. give her space and time to heal & forget about all the bad memories between you two and remember the good. I went on with NC up to 8 days and I broke it because I was trying to be nice with something but at the end I told her but for now we need our space, take care & that was it. im on my fourth day of NC and its killing me inside but you got to remember YOU & only you are important right now, not her. She will realize one day what she gave up & if she does, she will come crawling back but that doesn’t mean you take her back in a second, otherwise shes holding all the cards & your holding nothing. just follow the 5 step plan and focus. a lot of us on this site are in a very bad place and we all understand what everyone is going through. all the relationships may not be the same but we all still have broken hearts that we want to fix, right? So I say again, focus on yourself and start putting back the pieces, and in the end of NC if you feel that your emotionally stable to get back on that horse, then do it! if not you need to give yourself more time to love yourself and become a happier person. I know its easier said then done cause im also going through what you are, but you just gotta take it one day at a time & hope for the best & also you have to give her time to miss YOU, remember doing the NC helps a lot apparently but I still have yet to see it, it’ll give her time to miss you and remember how much of a blast you guys had together. I hope my advice helped you just “abit”, as it is my first time posting since iv’e been in a real down emotional state & was only focusing on myself and my situation & not other peoples. keep us updated on your situation & good luck man.
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All I will say is 1/2 months of NC is nothing compared to 8 years of relationship.
If you put yourself in right mindset, that duration will go in a blink, and you will be a refreshed person. Her? Well, she is gonna miss you having in her life for sure just like you do now, but since you are not being the chasing type any longer, she is gonna get stuck there having that attention no longer in her life. Let’s admit we give most care and attention to our ex’s. Not even their families and close friends are that much involved. So if you take it away from her, obviously there will be some void that she will realize eventually.
I agree with this whole “if there is some meaningful relationship, then ex’s cannot move on so quickly”. So just stick with the plan.
I’ll be honest. I normally don’t like being calculative about love related stuff. Because this is not a game, well at least it shouldn’t be. But the ex’s treated that way already. They were quitter. So it’s all fair now.
There are all kinds of permanent breakups in the world, but there are also the cases in which a relationship goes on as they say “until death do us part”. Just do your best which you are capable of, and if it’s meant to be it will happen.
i feel your pain, again – most of us are going through similar breakups.
its strange how girls will literally tell you while youre in the relationship “im not happy” “i want this to change” and from experience you mostly dont change anything usually due to comfort or feeling like they will always be there.
Its troublesome because she actually said to move on and these things happen… like shes already accepted the reality of the situation. My brother was dating a girl for 9 years and they had already picked out their first born sons name. they broke up and she immediately started dating someone else. im not sure how my brother handled the NC (since he never knew about this website) but i know that shes not happy with her current new boyfriend and texts and calls my brother often. But now my brother said he wouldnt get back together with her. and although its been 2 years…. hes now in a new relationship and is happy.
I think its very important that you give her the space she needs. this will allow her to miss you. Im not sure whats going to happen but let her go and if she comes back then it was meant to be.
Thanks for all the advice guys means a lot!!! I’m going to get this NC started and get my head in the right place and maybe continue on to the next steps… But I’ll keep you guys updated and give her that space and like everyone says if it’s meant to be itll happen. I’ll keep you guys posted.
Hii,
I have been in a relationship for last 4 years
Everything seemed great
We planned everything. For. The. Future
I was about to give. Engineering entrance examinations this. Year in. April , May and June
So I could barely give her time that she deserved as i was busy. With studies and also Thought that this would her time for her studies too.
She didn’t complain that time to me but from the last. 2. Months. Nothing is. Going good
I came to know that she. Felt. That. I. Didn’t love her. And. I. Didn’t. Care about. Her.
She started ignoring. Me.
And was always angry about me.
2 weeks before she broke up with me. Saying that she doesn’t feel anything for me anymore
I tried to convince her With all I. Could
I begged cried did everything. Bt nothing happened
I really. Love. Her. And. Want to spend the Rest of my life with her.
Currently we are at a long distance
So meeting is not possible
Please help me guys I really want us To get back together and stay together forever
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