-
Posts
-
So I am 36 my ex is 18. I know it is a significant age difference. We dated 19 months. We were best friends as well. Her family accepted it in time. We broke up 16 days ago and we have not contacted one another and at first I was blocked on Facebook,Instagram and her phone.Four days ago I was unblocked on Instagram and Facebook. I do not know about the phone yet because I have not and will not attempt to contact her during no contact.
About the relationsip:
We were inseperable. We loved doing the small things and even though there was an age difference it did not matter to us it seemed to matter to everyone else.Or at least some people. Her family accepted it and so did mine.Even though there was alot of fighting we always came back together. The love and friendship always seemed to shine through the fights.Or when one of us screwed up.We did not want to be apart for too long.Towards the end we made plans for her to move in and our future together.Many people did not understand but we did. It was like one of those Hollywood love stories that had all the odds against yet the people in the relationship wanted it bad enough. Cheesey I know.About the break up:
We would fight quite often usually about stupid petty stuff or the past (when she strayed briefly).There were always threats of breaking up mainly from me. Basically we did not respect the relationship or each other, however once it came down to it we did not want to not be together. Leading into the break up she was being distant so I knew something was up. Her mom had friends staying with them so it was kind of a big party at her house but oddly enough I was not asked to come over or anything. I understood though. We were rarely intimate, she would try and I would reject her because we were fighting.The day before the break up she was going to come over and this day as well as others she was hanging out at home and that was fine. I recieved a text telling me she was leaving in a minute, well 30 min later she wasn’t there so i was concerned.She said she was now about to leave and was caught up in whatever was going on at her house. So because I was mad I told her not to bother coming over.So she didn’t.The next day I was off and she came over. Things were tense and we really just sat there for a while. Right before she was going to leave we got into another fight. Same fight we always had. She left I did not chase as I had before. That night went by and i gave her space. The next day I called, texted, emailed, messeged on everything. No response. The next day I was blocked so of course I went into panic mode. I sent one final message on Facebook pretty much conceding but asking her to come back. All i got back was “I can’t/won’t be together with you anymore. I loved the goodtimes but the bad out weighed the good.We need to move on” Then I was blocked on Facebook. Since then which was 16 days ago I have been unblocked on Fb and Instagram. But still nothing from her.Which is ok because I am working on myself for whoever my next relationship is with whether it is her or someone else.Please no rude comments. I know the age thing is an issue for some but that has never been what this was about. This was about love that 2 people shared.
Well in my oppinion she might be tired of your ego pushing her away.Is it ego,right?
Maybe by making you sexual aproaches it was her way of make up with you.
It s easy at a young age to feel unwanted, undisired and lower your self esteem.I know what are you thinking even if you got yourself thinking that she s dating another guy,don t beat yourself over it.
If he s younger is even better, she ll see the difference between him and you. I m sure you treatrd her nicely and well manared, like a gentleman.
The kids her age doesn t share theese values yet. So if she s in a rebound , odds are in your favour and if she s single even better.Keep the nc, don t respon to her texts imediately, and if you do – make sure you reasure her, politely, that you are in a no contact period , for the sake of both.
No further details.
Chances are she might have been influenced by fsmily friends, so you have good odds of getting her back.
Stick to the planI agree about the ego and that is something I have been working on. I found some jewlery of hers so I used that to reach out via email and she responded the next day because NC os over. My email simply said “I hope all is well and that you are having a great holiday season!! I was doing some cleaning the other day and came across one of your rings and a pair of earrings I remember you said you liked and wanted to keep. If you’d like them back let me know so I can get them back to you.
Take care
She replied with “Hey thanks for letting me know. It’s ok the ring started leaving marks on my finger and the earrings were cheap, I can always get new ones so don’t worry about it.”
She wrote back which is good but now what?
@dk8752 – You wrote above:” Right before she was going to leave we got into another fight. Same fight we always had.” What do you mean by SAME fight we ALWAYS had? Too many arguments in only 19 months indicates a relationship that isn’t working! Instead of being more patient and understanding when she said she was coming over (later than expected), you get angry and tell her not to bother coming over! Wow, maybe you have anger and controlling issues. Not to be mean, but just how it seems according to what you’ve written. And apparently you two never sat down to have a talk about issues and how to resolve them. She even said there were more bad times than good! She got sick and tired of all the fighting and she wasn’t happy. When you told her about the ring and earrings, her response was kind, but sounds like she really doesn’t want them and / or she’s still upset and doesn’t want to see you. Try no contact for a few more weeks and work on improving your thoughts and behaviors. Maybe just send a VERY short Christmas greeting, but don’t ask to get back together!
Wishing you luck..What I meant by the same fight was basically my controlling and anger issues. I didn’t feel you were mean and I am glad you said it how it is. And we never talked about the issues which is obviously part of the problem.
I will do no contact again as suggested and work on my thoughts and behaviors. I know that is the key for any future rellationship to work.
I will send a message at X-mas and not mention anything about the prior relationship.
Honestly there is so much more i need her to know about how i feel.
I was her first everything and honestly even though she wasn’t my first but she made everyone before her irrelevant.
When i do reach out again what is a good tactic?
@dk8752 – Stay no contact until you feel you are in control of your emotions. IE: When you feel like you don’t need to control her, but allow her to be in command of her own life. When you can stop reacting in angry vindictive ways. When you can face stressful situations with a calm attitude. When you can interact in a mature fashion, even if another person is behaving badly. When you can be more understanding and tolerant of flaws in other people. When you can discuss any sensitive subject courteously, always showing respect. Perhaps seek professional help or read some articles on the internet about anger and control issues. But if you don’t change, she won’t want to get back with you or if she does, neither of you will be happy as the same problems will continue..
Maybe sometime after the new year, call or text to ask her if she would like to meet up for a talk in order to resolve the issues you had with each other and talk about the actions you would take in order to interact better. You must both be willing to do this if there is to be a reconciliation. She might be done with you, or she might want more time to herself to think things through, or she might agree to meet you. The goal is to be kinder to each other in order for a possible future relationship to be happier. People want good relationships, not ones filled with hurt, arguments, and unhappiness!
Wishing the best for you both..Update:
So i emailed her a closure email and she responded. In my email I covered the apology the good times all of that.She responded with much of the same and said nice things about my cooking an up coming movie we would’ve seen together and nice things about the relationship and updated me on her progress at her job. So i replyed and agreed and said that i noticed the relationship getting distant when the family were guests at her house and that i was aware of my part in how things deteriorated. She then responded still in a friendly tone and noted she was seeing someone that made her happy and that out of respect for him she would no longer reply. i half expected this anyway but now what?
also i have moved on myself to a point where i have been sort of seeing someone as well
please help
@dk8752 – I’m glad she replied to your email in a very kind way. But since she’s seeing someone that makes her happy, it’s best not to interfere. Maybe send a Christmas card or a Happy New Year card, but don’t write anything personal in it. You’ll have to wait it out and if it’s a rebound it will show in time.. It’s nice that you’re seeing someone, but I’m sorry to say that you might not be ready for another relationship so soon. You have to work out your issues before you can have a good relationship either with your ex at some time down the road or with someone else. I hope you read my previous reply on Dec 8th and really let it sink in..
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.