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Ok this is my first time posting to something like this.
Backstory my ex and I were together for almost nine months. Everything was going great. Intimacy was great it seemed like it was all fine. A few weeks before we broke up she started to cut me looks and anytime I tried to cut up with her and stuff. Anytime I tried bringing it up to see what was really eating at her she just blew it off. So I let it go and go and finally she had a party for her friend and whatever I knew she was going to drink and stuff no big deal but anytime I tried to hug her or kiss her she blew me off and then when I would get mad she got all pissy. Next morning after the party we wake up and she knows I’m pissed and asks what it is so I finally tell her that I’m tired of feeling like a child and what happened now that anything I do I get a dirty look or told to stop. Idk when exactly it started but it seemed like we just kept digging until I finally told her what I thought. I wasn’t loud or rude and I didn’t cuss. She said some of what I did she can’t forgive and that’s her fault that she can’t forgive. I have no idea what she was talking about I never said anything negative to her. I told her I wasn’t going to be afraid to say something if it was going to be held over me no matter how stupid. So I asked her what are we and she said I guess we are over. So I left and have not contacted her it will be a month in a few days. She is still on my social media but I haven’t done a thing there. Before me she dated a guy that was her longest relationship but he wound up cheating on her. She told me that she had some commitment issues because of it. I was her first actual relationship since that time.
As far as NC I have not done anything to reach out. To get my mind off of it i have already been on a few dates and stuff like that. I know it probably doesn’t mean anything but she has liked two posts splitting one of Christmas present and one of movie slips(date I was on). I have came across her dating profile and nothing new as far as bio and maybe one pic change but that’s it.
I do think that what we had was great and would consider getting back with her.
P.s. I know what bc can do because before I stated talking to her I was talking to this other girl that said she wasn’t ready for a relationship so I said by and found the girl I dated for almost nine months. well the girl from before about a month or so later started texting talking about she messed up by letting me go.
Sorry for long post just want some advice on what I should do. I would like to get back with her but Idk if I should reach out.
Just looking for a little advice. I’m planning on staying NC. Apologize again for post just want all info out there.
If your ex is willing, you two should sit down and calmly talk about what went wrong and ways to interact better with each other. She should tell you what it is that she can’t forgive. You could let her know that making faces at you doesn’t solve anything. You two need to learn how to communicate better and learn how to resolve your issues without emotionally hurting each other. Maybe you’ve both been acting too silly and childish. A relationship is good when you can express your thoughts and feelings without offending the other. I really don’t understand why you would date another girl if you wanted to improve and get your ex back. Your excuse of it was to get your mind off the break up is lame. There are lots of things you could have done to get your mind off her. And apparently you were ready to jump into a relationship with this other girl, but she wasn’t ready for a relationship. It seems you’re confused and just want to be in a relationship with anybody and it doesn’t matter who. If you’re ex is interested in reconciliation, I suggest you two sit down for a serious talk like I mentioned above. You both have to be willing to make changes to please the other and if you don’t, it won’t work out in the long run. You’ll just go back to treating each other the same as before, showing unkindness and disrespect.
Thanks for the input. I understand that going out that soon and stuff was childish. I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship with someone else. The reason I started talking to and went out with someone else is because I didn’t want to seem weak so to speak and I understand that it could hurt my chances of getting back together. Yes our communication needs to improve.
The only thing that I’m having trouble with is how long do I wait (I understand a month minimum) because the 6th is exactly a month since we broke up but the 7th is the last time we talked. Any input from anyone on that would be great as this will be the first time that I want to contact after going NC.
Should I wait and see if she makes it?
@crazybones194 – Which girl is it that said she messed up by letting you go? If it was your ex, contact her anytime to go out somewhere quiet to have a chat. There is no magic number of day for no contact. The time period is to allow for anger or hurt feelings to subside and a time to think about how one contributed to the break up and to make improvements in those areas. The other person might miss the one doing no contact, but it doesn’t necessarily mean the person wants to reunite.
The girl that said she messed up was someone I talked to before me and my ex got together. I understand that she may not want to reunite. I may call her this weekend and see if she would like to get lunch next week and chat.
The thing I’m worried about is her thinking I’m needy if I contact her after only a month.
Contacting her after a month will show interest, not neediness. She might be willing to go out for lunch with you, but if she refuses, just say “Okay, maybe another time”. If she seems willing, but just not ready to talk, you could add; “Let me know when your ready”. Don’t beg and go no contact again.
Depending on her response, you will probably know if she’s angry or whatever.
No no begging. the hard part is what to say or an excuse for calling. The only hung I could think of is her grandma had surgery and stuff. To me calling to just check up and ask to just chat over lunch doesn’t seem that great of an idea first phone call. Another thing that I do not know is if she is working tomorrow or not I will probably just call her late tomorrow.
@crazybones194 – I thought you were going to call over the weekend to ask if she would like to go for lunch next week? How do you know her grandma had surgery? You could call and ask about her grandma and just chat casually, and judge her mood and the way she talks to you. If it’s positive, then call again over the weekend (maybe Sunday) and ask to meet for lunch. Or you could jump right in and ask her to lunch after getting more information about her grandmother etc..
Her grandma had the surgery right before we broke up. I’m probably going to wait till Sunday And call just to check up and try to leave her wondering and if she calls me back I’ll ask her to lunch but as you said it all depends on her reaction as to how I act.
Well I call and she didn’t pick up so I left a voicemail. When we were seeing each other my calls sometimes did not go through so I messaged her saying the same thing. I will leave it at that.
It’s not Sunday yet, but guess you got anxious. Now all you have to do is wait it out, which can be nerve racking. If you can avoid the other girl while trying to get back with your ex, I advise you to do so. Also delete any texts she sent you because it might come back to bite you in the future with you ex if you get back together. Just a suggestion..
She responded and I asked her to lunch and to talk. I know she has read it and I understand if she is apprehensive. Now all I can do is wait. I appreciate the advice.
@crazybones194 – Crossing my fingers to wish you luck. Keep us posted..
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