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When my ex (my first and only true love) broke up with me, I came to this site and many other sites looking for answers to getting her back. None of it worked, and frankly, trying was a mistake in the first place because I realized she was not meant for me.
But that being said, I did more research then a doctorate student and experienced more than you can imagine to find answers to my problems. And I am here to share with you folks.
First and foremost, The “No-Contact” strategy, only works for women. In my observation of others and in my own experiences I’ve found that only about 20% of men are successful with this method while for ladies its about 50-70% effective. Why? The answers are simple.
1.Women move on faster than men (in most cases).
2.Men care about sex more than women, therefore they are more willing to go back to an ex, so they can get the sex back. Sorry, its not always about love.
3.Women often have a plan-b man to go to as a rebound, while men rarely do.If you are a girl, you are very lucky, because you have a good chance of getting back together with your ex no matter what (unless you are crazy to him).
But if you are a guy there is a lot to take into consideration before you get your hopes up. Answer the following questions in your head
-Were you sexually active with your ex right before the breakup?
-Has she tried to contact you since you broke up?
-Do you know the reason you broke up?
-Did she cry during the breakup?
-Is this your first time breaking up with her?
Each question is worth 20% likelihood of getting her back, and the correct answer is yes to all of them. -20% for no. If your score is 60% or lower you, no contact will most likely not work.
Yes there are exceptions. But its all luck.
No contact is a hit or miss game for us guys, kind of like battleship. It won’t work all the time. In fact it will rarely work unless she truly shows signs that she misses you. Lets look at one main question. Has she contacted you during no contact? If, by the end of 30 days of no contact she hasn’t reached out to YOU, its not a good sign. But its not a complete loss either. Contact her RIGHT NOW if you want to take a chance at blowing things over, but if you want true advice keep reading.
As a man, you have to decide if getting back together with her is even the right thing to do. Think about all of the negative things about her you didn’t like. For example she cooked terrible food, or had despicable taste in music, or she was super controlling and never let you do anything outside the house. Just think of anything that annoyed you about her. If you couldn’t think of anything, or you still feel like getting her back keep reading, if not, there is your answer.
Now for the big advice….
Leave it, and mean it.
What do I mean by this? It means that you need to just move on with your life, while leaving the door open for your ex if she decides to come by. Delete her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, everything except for her number. Nothing will get your ex to wonder about you and miss you more than just disappearing from their life. Am i telling you to just erase her from your memory? No. But your “No-Contact” period needs to be a hell of a lot longer than 30 days. And by a lot longer I’m saying at least 3 months. Why? Because she needs to chase after you, not the other way around. If she truly cares about you, she will have contacted you by then. There is no doubt in my mind that she will. You just have to play the waiting game. And if she doesn’t, it just isn’t meant to be.
If at the end of 3 months you still feel you want to be with her, which you shouldn’t if you follow my steps coming up, go ahead and shoot her a text. But before you send her a text you should be mentally prepared to expect nothing. If you expect nothing and nothing happens, you won’t be disappointed, and if you expect nothing and something does happen, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Your probably thinking, “Wow, all of this just to tell me to move on?”
Well yes and no.
Getting over someone and learning to live without them are completely different things. When someone you love dies, you never get over loving them, but you do learn to live without thinking about them all the time, and that brings me to my last bit of advice on how to do that.
How do you learn to live without your ex? A bunch of really simple steps really. And here is the list:
1:Have sex with someone else.
Well that escalated quickly. But really, having sex with someone else will do wonders when it comes to fading that feeling of want toward your ex.2:Try new hobbies
Ever wanted to know how to skateboard or ride a dirtbike? Go out and try it! There’s nothing holding you back now, and it will make you feel awesome, just like the first time you rode a bike with no training wheels, and this will keep your ex off your mind.3:Go out with friends
Movies, strip-club, music fest, hiking, camping. Name an activity and do it with your friends. One of the best ways to forget about your ex is to fill her place with your friends.4:Go on vacation
Just choose a place and go there for a few days. Bring a friend, family member, perhaps even a new girl along with you.5:Talk smack about your ex.
Yes, I know this sounds a bit counter intuitive since your ex probably means a lot to you but try thinking about something that pissed you off about her and let it out. Your feelings of want will turn into feelings of resentfulness, which will speed up the process of moving on and perhaps make you change your mind about wanting her back.6:Work out.
Simple, go to the gym and try burning fat or bulking up. Not only will it raise your self esteem and confidence, but you also may find many attractive women at the gym that will take your ex away from your mind.Ok guys, I know this was a long read and a few of you may even be appalled by my advice, but you need to trust me. You will be happy with or without your ex if you follow my advice.
If you have any questions or comments don’t hesitate to comment, and I’ll try to replyWish you the best of luck
DamonatorLaughed like hell.
As a guy this is fun to read, especially the rebound part. (Some of us are just too loyal…Luckily some women are too)
On one side I completely agree with you. My instincts tell me to do it your way, which most of the time blow up in my face. I tried the relationship rebound thing with Kevin’s Advice, blew up as well. (Might work for others, maybe I had bad luck. + In the end I made a wrong turn with contact)
I like your tips and that’s what I have been trying to do. NC for 1 month turned out not to be enough by a longshot for me and my ex. (she responded very cold and defensive, like she was another person)
The only thing I cant do is go and have sex with someone else cause I already know I would think about her during the act. (and maybe make the stupid mistake of calling out her name… by accident, but nevertheless, stupid…)
When I think resentfull about her I forget her for a while, but at the end of the day when I’m going to bed she’s on my mind. When I wake up she’s on my mind. Maybe it’s time to send that magic letter. I think she and I could get back together, but this might not be ”our” time yet. She had shitty boyfriends and I’m the type of guy that would get through hell and back for her. Maybe in time she realises what she has lost. (Or she already knows it, but so far she lied to friends and cut off communication… Not expecting her to contact me in any way except if we might bump into eachother in RL)
Hi, i personally think your advice is legit. I just broke up a month ago and deep down of me i am still seeing a light of hope after reading a number of sites here about NC rule which i am still wondering the duration plus the terms when we were togeher is it still on the high percentage of getting back. I’ve tried your calculation but doesn’t seem like a good number but i do have a good feeling about us when we were still together, it is the first love memories i can see it is beautiful putting aside the arguements.
My NC up until now, i am still battling within me to many different thoughts everyday. Everyday is different; some are thoughts of remembering the dislikes about him how he ignores me infront of our friends; sometimes i misses talking and laughing with him; sometimes i misses having him during the weekend for sex or a day trip out of town enjoying the beach together; sometimes i misses him driving me out to parties; sometimes it reminds me of how good he can cook. Those are my strong feelings towards him and that made me struggled to rebuild my own.
Now and then when i wake up i will also have thoughts of ‘does he misses me as much as i do now’ or ‘he seems easy to move on and forget about me because he looks happy in his facebook’ told by my friends.
I have friends who told me he is not worth waiting for NC because of his abusive character during his boiling points (slaps me and threatens for breakup on every small issues). Some said he is just having me to make time pass when he is jobless as he needs support, now that he is earning more than i do he seems to be travelling a lot of places with friends; when we were together he would say going vacation is a waste of money. He has always said he wants to spend more time on his gardening and that i felt he second me in terms of time spent.
What can you guys see at my situation? I understands i was being abused, and if most people here thinks i clearly need to move on because of this, i am trying so hard right now. Is there even a chance for me to have him back in my life? Need your sincere advice guys.
Interesting insights you have there @damonator ! I am on the other end obviously as a woman and my boyfriend has just broken up with me. I see you think women have a better chance of getting their ex back. I however don’t feel this at all, maybe because I’m just negative regarding my situation. Because you do offer insight into the man’s mind I was wondering if you could check out my last post where I just met up with my ex. I am feeling very negatively regarding my relationship with him. My friends even say they hope he never comes back :/
Thanks for sharing your insight! you got me wondering about this whole thing with guys wanting to get back together for sex. I’m currently talking to my ex after a 6 month NC and I can tell he still wants the sex. he’s complimented me on how hot I look and asked to send him pics etc. no need for more kinky details here:) well I don’t want him back just for the sex although I miss it like hell too. I want our relationship back with the sex and the whole package. he’s told me he doesn’t want to get back together and just be friends but now clearly sending me different signals. so as a guy, would you say I should give up or can I use the sex appeal to reignite our old feelings? I don’t know whether to feel flattered or disappointed that he still wants me in a sexual way. I’m not interested in being friends with benefits.
Idk how long it has been since you broke up or what her reason was, with that info I may be able to give you a little more thorough advice, but let me ask you this, do you follow her on any social media or “check up” on how she doing? If so that is the problem. And I learned that the hard way. You can do everything possible to forget your ex, but if you still have that social connection online, its going to prolong the hurt. I know what it feels like to think of someone 24/7. And the only thing that can truly heal this is time. And you may think being with someone in bed will just bring your ex to mind, but trust me she won’t come to mind, as long as this girl you’re with is beautiful and not just some Joe shmoe on the street. Trust me, I had the same thoughts you had. And if its loyalty you’re worried about, why? You two aren’t together anymore so anything you do is not being disloyal. Your allowing her to still control what you do, which is unattractive. Doing what she wouldnt originally approve of will actually make her jealous and want you more. Hope this helps
DamonatorShe broke up 2 months ago. Her reason to do so, if she was honest, was that she no longer loved me like she used to do. She said she was tired of having fights with me. (Though lots of people agreed with me that we almost had no fights at all.. 1 big thing couple of weeks before break up and before that just 2-3 arguements about our view on a specific matter, which werent really that big)
She also said that our personalities are too different, but instead of naming our differences she could only name what we have in common, which was far more than a couple of differences. She also said that I was agressive, which I can be but it is pretty rare, and when I am I only am in the way of my verbal use of words. (Never harmed anyone physicly and I never said hurtful things. She means that I can sometimes just shout at people if they piss me off… Everyone I know says that it is BS that I’m agressive)
She cried a lot during our break up and even as she left she was moving very slowly, still crying, until she vanished from my sight.
Yes, I catch myself checking up on her online, and I know it’s wrong.
Today I finally made the decision to remove all my photo’s and videos in which she/both of us appear from my telephone and transfer them to a locked folder on my computer. (idk why I just cant delete them)I know you are right about the other girl thing. I’m not the type of guy that goes after a girl and maybe that’s a good or a bad thing. Most of the time I know something is up by just getting this special feeling looking at a girl. (and even then I watch out, sometimes these cuties just use every guy they see)
I know I will survive this since I have done it already before, multiple times. I know that what I need to get over her is time. The painful part is that once it took me over one and a half year to get over a different ex gf. My most recent ex was the only girl in a long line of girls I met (also the only one from all other ex gf) that made me feel in a way of love that makes me ready to take on the whole world just by myself, because she was with me. I just hope I can get over her within a couple of months. Summer is ahead and I want to have lots of fun. (And not feel shit after each night of fun because I couldn’t share it with her or have someone by my side)
The loyalty thing is just not the way I tried to say it so just forget it. I know that she and I have nothing and that both of us cant withhold the other one to see someone else. (though the thought of someone else kissing her or holding her in his arms boils my blood, afterwards it makes me sob)
I know I should do the things she wouldn’t approve of because it can lure her out and confront me.
thanks for your time and your advice.
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