A bit stuck….

@ammls Hey! Thanks for the help!

Sadly though my heart today is feeling broken… :'( Fuck social networking, god I hate the news feed so much! She’s added 3 boys recently and liked each one of there profile picks and posted a status saying my “love life sucks”. ffs some people just cannot see it when it was staring them right in the eyes!

I feel as though I am sinking again, I just don’t know what to do. She wont talk to me at all so I am not seeing a point of even knowing her any more and its hurting me more and more the longer it goes on. I have tears streaming down my face while I type this but I don’t want to let her go! I know I should because logically its just better for the both of us, she seems fine with out me. I just wish she gave me a reason, what happened! I just don’t understand. I feel in a way a changed man, I feel if I was with her again it would be as if she met someone completely new.

My mom keeps asking me if I am ok, I always reply with “I am fine” I can tell she knows I am still hurt and she knows there’s nothing she can do about it that’s what I think is hurting her a bit. I think I might text her mom tomorrow to see how things are, but I feel that this will just make things worse.

I really don’t know at all…..

How are you anyway, I really! really! hope things are good!!!

Fuck it I’m doing I will text her mom tomorrow at launch time when I am free. Her mom seems to have he head on straight all the time and she obviously approved of me so she’s not going to tell me to “Just stop” like her daughter. “No risk, no reward” I hate that saying so much but I used to go by it all the time, so I might as well bring it back.

I have not dated anyone else since I have been out chatting to girls but that’s all. I am really picky so….. yeah…..

Sadly they facebook stuff just pops up in front of me on my phone, I always try to ignore it but its so hard….

Well I look forward to reading your news, really hope its good news!!!!!!! 😀

Sorry I haven’t been in contact, I had a lot on my mind. I spoke to her mom, she was nice about it but didn’t help, I never asked for her to help and didn’t expect her to.

But I am now tired, my heart is shattered and I just want to stop. I have a text written out (not sent) to her cousin who helped me get together with her in the first place, it apologising for a few things and thanks her so much. To be honest I never knew I could right something so beautiful. I was even in tears writing it. If you guys would like to read the message before I send it please say (have to blank names and stuff). I will probably send it sometime tomorrow. (I was listening to “Young and Beautiful” while writing it)

@aamls really hope all is well with you, not had time to read over you posts. My mind is a roller coaster at the moment.

This seems so stupid reading over it again, its a waste. What am I doing, I just feel lost and confused all over again. Its driving me insane I wish she just new how strong my feeling are for her. I just want to scream as loud as I can.

Any way here it is its stupid, its silly, it wont change anything so what’s the point I might as well not bother. It will just end in embarrassment on my self. (Note its a long text)
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Hey, I wanted to send this a while ago but I felt it wasn’t the time and I wanted to pull myself back together so I could think with my head and not my emotions taking control. I hope you don’t read over this and think it silly, I know you won’t but this might be a shock though. I Just wanted to say I am sorry really, for being and acting like I was towards you. I am sure you can understand why I was like that with everything that had gone on around me within such a short period of time. I was a mess at the time and I cannot apologize enough for being so needy towards you. Reading over what I put I cannot imagine what you must of thought of me, to be honest I never knew I could act like that and I am ashamed of myself. I don’t want you to feel any guilt or anything towards me at all, I brought it upon myself with losing control of my emotions.

But I do want to thank you so much for giving me the chance with (ex) on that first meet up/date we had (She told me you convinced her on your party night) The time I spent with (ex) even though it was short and I probably alluded myself into thinking we had something, It was like waking up to Christmas morning every day.

I won’t lie, I miss her dearly, I have thought about her every day and I miss her beautiful smile. I don’t know why I am telling you this but it just seems like the right thing to do. Oh also if you are going to play cupid, find her someone special, unique and a 1 in a million like she is. I hope all is well with you and your mom (hope she is better). Sorry and thanks again (cousin) x p.s. There is always a space for her in my heart. Crazy,Stupid,Love…
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Like I said its dumb and silly, it wont achieve anything. It will just make me come across a freak.

@aamls its late here but I promise I will look over you situation at some point tomorrow. I am just really unstable at the moment and anything can set me off into tears. Thanks for being her for me, it really means a lot. Thank you x

I am such a mess at the moment…..

Thanks for the support aamls, means a lot!

She, hasn’t replied yet to be honest I doubt she will reply to it. I am thinking of sending a message to my ex wishing her good luck singing at her aunts weddings that is coming up soon. I think its this weekend or next weekend…. What do you think?