4 Months No Contact What Now?

I meet this girl Freshman year of high school(2008) and she was the complete package for me: Natural Beauty, Brains, Morals, Great since of humor. Anyways we had an amazing first year and I was a good boyfriend. As I grew older Looking back I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was into music and smoking weed as much as possible. The other three years were not necessarily the best, but we both held on through the same love and the belief in each other. In 2009 I had my first Manic Episode and was diagnosed with bipolar, and That was a huge turning point in my life for worst. I was put on medicines that didn’t make me myself. I was not stable and did not nurture the relationship. But She was so understand and Loved me for who I was and understood that it was part of the man she loved, and was willing to work through all the ups and downs.

During Senior Summer (2012), we decided to break up and I was crushed, but I did not contact and a month later we were at the same small town college an hour away from home and the first day there we hit it off again. But again I was not mature enough for the level of relationship she wanted and like to party a lot.

So I came back home from college and she stayed there for a two semesters and we talked during the summer. She went to school and we didn’t talk that semester but then she was miserable at school and fall semester she decided to come home so I thought that was my big chance(since she lives 5 mins from my house). We hit it off after several first dates but after each date she was scared of commitment after everything that has happened.

Feb 2014, my Closest friend was Killed walking away a from a fight and that was really hard on me but she was there and it gave me false hope (I was NOT using the death to get with her) she knew me better than everyone else and I was happy to have her ears to listen through that difficult time but that is a testament to her loving heart that attracts me so much.

So we talked for a while and went to no contact and back both of us breaking it. Until it stuck.

4 months later of No Contact I’m still here think about her. I have moved on completely accepted that we might never be together again. But I love this girl more than anything and she’s literally right down the street.I have finally made the decision months ago to live sober and get of my meds for bipolar and my life has been great everysince. But now all I want is her not drugs not friends her. Any suggestions?