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I’d like to start off by thanking Kevin for this VERY helpful website; I had almost given up hope.
So, my situation is as follows:
My girlfriend (18) broke up with me (21) at the end of August because she said she didn’t have enough time for a boyfriend with everything she has going on in her life (school [1 hour drive away], clubs, friends, etc.). Note:(She told me as we were breaking up that she was considering asking me in a couple of months if we could move in together. Not what one would want to hear, right?). I tried to convince her to stay. I told her we could try seeing each other once a week and that I’d try my best for us. I tried everything (no begging). She asked me to respect her decision. Caring about her, I understood and didn’t want the breakup to be harder than it should be. I accepted defeat. I have no idea why we planned this, but we said we were going to hang out that Friday. It was actually her idea, too. Soon after, I asked her if she could really handle seeing each other on Friday. She said no, so we moved it back to the end of the month. During the week, we tried to be friends, but that did not work for me. I kept checking my phone all the time for texts from her, and I finally told her my worries about not being able to handle being friends. This is when we mutually decided to start NC. We haven’t spoken since, and it’s been 12 days since we spoke over text.
Note: When speaking of NC, we did not speak of ending the plans to meetup at the end of the month.Now, for some insight:
Our relationship lasted 3-4 months, and in that time frame we became closer than we ever imagined. Always in sync, we were on top of the world. Communication: liquid. Fights: nonexistant. During these months I had different problems pop up here and there and she would give me advice. I would understand that the advice she gave was the right thing to do, but I didn’t go through with it. These problems kept piling up, and I became very unhappy with the person I was becoming. I told her this, and that is what I imagine caused her to end it. I fully believe that relationships are available to busy people. She probably, subconsciously, broke up with me because of my unhappiness.
I have followed this guide since a couple of days ago. On my whiteboard, I wrote my bad habits, things I need to do that are hard (Many of these things are the ones that she suggested, and I’ve completed MANY of them), life and career goals, relationships categorized by their priority of being maintained, finances, confidence builders, lifestyle changes, fears to overcome, and my inner and outer qualities. Alot, I know haha.The thing is that I feel like I’m ready to show her who I’ve become. It’s only been 12 days of NC though. I fully believe, due to our syncing ability, that she is missing me as much as I miss her (and God do I miss her). I understand that if I don’t get her back then I made personal progress. This is a win-win situation, but in the end I want the bigger win. Don’t we all?
TLDR; Girlfriend broke up with me because she didn’t have any time. I believe it is actually because I was unhappy and her attraction level for me dropped so low that she couldn’t handle the distance between us. We planned to meet towards the end of September, and that was before we agreed on NC (we didn’t speak of ending the meetup). After 12 days of NC I believe, as an independent new man, that I’m ready and also believe that it has sunk in for her as well. Should I go the full 30 days or now?
I think you should do about another week or so no contact and then send a text to see where ya at. good luck, 🙂
It sounds like you are doing really well!!! I would keep at it. Keep doing what you’re doing. Keep working on yourself. Follow the steps. Focus on YOU. Another week… week and a half, then you can contact. I mean, if you two were planning to meet up towards the end of Sept anyway, that will be perfect timing.
When you first decide to contact her… you can add suspense by mentioning that you have so many new adventures to tell her about…
Good luck.
Thank you Divine, but my will power is breaking. Im trying to hold out.
What does everybody else think?Here’s the checklist for ending no contact
-You followed the no contact rule for at least one month.
-You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
-You have made a few positive changes in your life.
-You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision.
-You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
-You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you.
-You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.Hmm so I haven’t been on a date and it hasnt been 30 days.
But is the date necessary? It would be great if I could find one, but I am VERY picky.Just hang out with some new girls.Its important that you go on at least one date.
It helps you get your confidence back and it helps you stop seeing your ex in everyone’s face.Have some fun and create new good memories.
You should give it 30 days because your ex needs to forget the bad memories and every other negative thing that may have happened so she will remember the good memories.She needs this time to miss you and 12 days is not enough.I’v actually made a new best friend as soon as we broke up (a girl in the apartment above me). Objectively, shes at least an 8.25, and that’s pretty good with my standards. She’s cool, but eh. We’re only cuddle buddies. I’m not interested in her that way. I’ve also met some girls here and there, but none of them are my type. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places.
On the topic of bad memories, we didn’t create many bad memories. The last 2 weeks of our relationship were the hardest. I was busy and she was busy. We had little communication, and there was an hour of distance, so it hurt the both of us. When I look back I only see good memories and small disagreements, and I’m sure she sees the same.
Just like it says in the article, I’m afraid that she’s moving on. It scares me, so I want to hit her with my new self before she is able to. She has MANY new friends and is extremely occupied, so I feel that it will be easy for her.
One more thing: What Relationship Rewind phase does it sound like im in? Switch, drift, or deaths door?
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