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Hi all,
It’s 100% clear that my ex-girlfriend is seeing someone else and she is starting to meet him more frequently. I hope someone can give me some honest advice on what I can do because I think it’s a rebound. We had a relationship of 5 years and lost interested in each other. No big things happened that causes the break-up. She says she loves me, but it’s not enough to stay in a relationship. I think I have pushed her away by telling her I accepted the break-up via a letter.
Here is the situation: I have done 30 days of NC and after sending the letter I successfully established a false-friendship. We had two great meetings and started texting again. After last weekend she started to act different and didn’t want to meet again (she thinks I am using stuff to see her…) , even though in the same conversation she told me the time we spend together was fun and she doesn’t want us to ruin the friendship. She noticed I have changed and become a more happy person and trying to change more things in my life (like seeking opportunities to take a different job, because I have been in so much stress for years and this reflected on our relationship).
I am not sure if it’s a rebound or not. I think she started texting with him approximately 3 months after the break-up . I know for a fact that she is hiding him from me. One time I saw her entering a club with this guy and she totally froze when she saw me. I was gentle and said hi to my ex-girlfriend and friends of her. I even had a little talk with this guy, but that didn’t took long. She interrupted us and she left the club within 5 minutes after entering and indicated her friends to come with her.
The guy she is seeing now is a friend of her brother and I know for a fact he is using drugs on weekly basis (like my ex-girlfriend did for 2 years before our relationship). Also, this guy is living with his parents and is younger (he’s 22, I am 28 and my ex-girlriend is 27). She promised never to use drugs again, making it harder to believe she is serious about seeing this guy. Also, this guy seems to be the complete opposite of me, but I can’t be sure of that.
After the break-up I tried to take it slow and be patient, but I never got to the point to tell her about my feelings. I am afraid she thinks I truly accept the break-up and she will not come back to me. What should I do now:
– Sit and wait for the rebound to collapse? That’s going to be hard, but perhaps the best option.
– Try to meet up and tell her about my feelings and see how she response?Whatever I do, I shouldn’t talk about this guy right? Thank you all for reading. I hope someone can help me on this one.
Ok, I went for the option to tell her about my feelings and see how it goes. It didn’t go what I was hoping for. It started off by texting her that I have something important to tell. Seeing her reaction she was in panic modus, calling me more than once and bomb texting me she wants to meet up straight away. I was hopeful seeing her reaction and was convinced to tell her about my feelings.
So we met the same night and she acted desperate to hear what I wanted to tell her. I think she was hoping I would tell her I was going with someone else, but unfortunately for her that was not the case. So I told her in a nutshell about our past relationship (we both made mistakes), the things I love about her, what goals I want to accomplish in life (having a family, marriage, etc.). Perhaps it was too much future talk, but it felt we were at death doors anyway and I wanted to show my real feelings and what she can have (instead of what she’s trying with this immature rebound pony guy).
She responded that it’s not going to happen and nothing has changed for her over the past 3,5 months. She still deeply loves me and I will always have a special place in her heart. She even said that any new women in my life is damn lucky to have me as her partner because I am such a nice person blabla. She also noticed all the changes I have made in my life and emphasizes that I have become a more positive person.
Right now, I am heart broken. I never felt so much pain and I truly understand why people say they rather break a leg. I guess time will heal everything, but for now It feels it won’t. It’s damn crazy I am still trying to keep my hopes up she will turn around knowing I am the right man. She’s getting psychology therapy next week in order to sort out things that happened when she was young. I believe her past has an indirect relation with the way she acts now (she’s definitely traveling back in time to a dark period in her life that was before our relationship).
I’m sorry you’re not feeling good but you need some time and you will feel better.You have been doing really well and i’m sure you will feel better soon.
All the best 🙂im not sure if you will see this but if you do I was wondering how you were doing and what happened? did you get her back or moved on? any other news.
I only read your firrst post.
It is clearly a rebound. Be happy about it. Yes I know that is hard, if not impossible… But a rebound means she is missing something (you) and is now trying to fill it with someone else. Dont worry, there is nothing speciel about this guys. He was just the first idiot who showed interrest in her, it felt nice and now she is trying it out to see if it will make her fell better…She is still in contact with you.
She has agreed to go out with you 2 times.
She is hiding him from you.
She froze when they ran into you at the club.All the signs are there if you ask me. She is NOT over you, and is using this rebound guy to help her heal…
Perhaps you should try and date some hot girl. Maybe a hot female friend who would hang out with you a lot, and flirt with you when you are at the clubs. Just to see how your ex would react? (Just fliting ok? Do go kissing her in front of your ex, that will just backfire)
Keep us updated….
Hi there, it’s nice to hear from both of you. No magic happened as of yet, but I am still in love with her and hope things will work out in the end. For now, I am having fun in life and waiting for her to reach out again. I am using Facebook to show her things I am doing (going out for dinner with 10+ friends), adding new female and male friends, etc.
Our last face to face meeting was about 2,5 weeks ago when she told me two important things: I am the only person who truly understands her and she begged if I wanted to stay best friends. I told her I am not sure if I can and for the first time since the break-up (4,5 months ago) she let me comfort her for a moment. Since then we hardly had any contact except I called her dad to congratulate him on his birthday, but she picked up the phone which I did not expect at all.
She changed a lot and it looks like she needs more time to figure things out. I am not sure if she started psychology therapy and I no longer think she had a rebound or it lasted really short. Perhaps she did, but I overanalyzed stuff way too much. I hardly understand her these days, but hopefully she will find peace and reconsider. I did move forward, but my heart is still with her. For now, I am doing NC and patiently waiting which is hard! I will read your topics later and see how you both are doing 🙂
I can only imagine how it must feel for you right now. It is devastating!
Right after my break up it killed me just seeing my ex like a picture on facebook of guys without a relationship…But just remember: Rebounds will end very fast, and she WILL regret them. And when you get back together it will only make her love for you that much stronger. Now she has tried dating other guys and she has realised that no one can offer her the things you can….
Trust me… This is just a very hard part of your life you have to get through in the best way possible. Go out and do some stuff for yourself. Spoil yourself for a while 🙂 Do the things you always dreamed of…
Yea, it is devastating. My heart is with her, but I want to move on with my life. Most friends are telling me she does not deserve me and they are probably right. However, I refuse to let her go and I will wait for her to figure things out. We had 5 wonderful years together and made plans to marry and start our own family. This changed dramatically, but I still see a future waiting for us. I just concentrate on myself, work and do a lot of things with friends. Distraction is probably the best way to go and don’t analyze everything that is happening. For now, I don’t initiate contact at all and when she does I wait a few hours before answering (only If it is a serious question). She obviously don’t want me out of her life, but I don’t want to become a good friend or doormat 😉
Im glad your doing well for yourself. 🙂 keep doing what your doing. hopefully she’ll come around and its just taking her longer to do so. sounds like shes still thinking of you so thats a good sign. stay strong. in the mean time have you gone on any dates? maybe if you havent maybe something you may want to look into. in the mean time I think your doing great. 🙂
She is definitely thinking about me. Yesterday I send a text message to my ex-parents in law who are having a hard time with a close friend who is in the hospital (he passed away this morning). I offered my help, like driving them to the hospital. Few hours later my ex-girlfriend send a message saying she and her parents appreciated my offer to help with a little X at the end of the message. The X got my attention!
I have a lot of new female friends and I went on many dates. It’s fun and I keep telling them I don’t want anything more than friends. It’s attracting women like a magnet when they know I am not available, even though I don’t have a girlfriend. Many of them know I am still in love with my ex. I guess they just want to have a good time as well and they enjoy my company 🙂
Wooo, what a weird night. Yesterday she asked about the
appointment I had with the bank. I didnt respond to her text message, because I just didnt feel like and didnt want to spool my night.So yesterday I went for some drinks with a hot female friend who is really attractive. My ex was there so I asked my friend to flirt with me. Not sure if it bothered my ex, but my friend said she was looking all the time. I am not sure because I didnt want to make eye contact and turned my back to my ex most of the time. She used to be really jealous so it must got into her head. I did gave my ex some kisses on her cheek.
It was only flirting, touching, dancing and a lot of talking. Did I do the right thing or was it stupid to do? Guess I tried everything except what I did yesterday. Wonder how it will work out.
Hi Aamls,
I am ok, thank you for asking. Some days are terrible and some days are fine. I will read your topic and see how you are.
As for my ex-girlfriend, I am not sure if she will change her mind anytime soon. She is cold and her emotions are flat. Only thing we seem to talk about is our house. She doesnt agree with the market value because then she has to pay me. I am afraid it will do no good to our relationship, but until now we can talk about it.
Its still difficult seeing she changed so much. Its like she went back in time. She is 27 but eveything she doee is immature and selfish. Its hard to see the woman you love going through a difficult time. I truly hope she will recover and remember how I treated her. Hoping everyday, but I am afraid im about to give up on her.
no problem, glad to hear from you. 🙂 thanks for checking on my post as well. 🙂 5 yrs is a long time in a relationship so I know she still feels something for you still. its a hard situation but hang in there. have you been working on yourself. do you think shes using the house as a reason to talk to you? maybe she needs more time and space still. in the mean time stay strong and positive. keep yourself busy. you got this. 🙂
Hi there,
I am ‘trying’ to stay positive, but some days it is hard and I can’t stop thinking about her. I have been working on myself for months and she even said that she noticed the changes I have made. I don’t think it is necessary to change more. The only thing I need to show is that I have become more positive, because negativity is probably the thing she disliked about me.
Latently I am not sure if I should maintain low contact or I should try harder. I have not initiated contact for the last month. Exactly one month ago she cried and begged if I wanted to stay friends. I told her I am not sure if I can but she is also my best friend. Since then we don’t seem to talk so much anymore.
I don’t think she is using the house to talk to me. She rented a house herself and currently she is also paying a small amount for our mortgage. I believe she needs more time and space like you said. However it has been 5 months since our break-up and I am no longer sure If I want her back the way she acts right now. I hope she will become herself again and I will recognize the way she was during our relationship.
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