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I just got dumped by my girlfriend a last month. It was a short relationship (3 months) which started out slow but gradually ramped up in intensity as we started spending more time together. Things seemed to be going great right up until she dumped me. We were making plans together for the future – trips we were going to take, dates we were going to go on. She seemed very much as “into” the relationship as I was – sending loving texts and buying me gifts. Then all of a sudden, as if overnight, she got cold and distant, and then she dumped me the next day on Whatsapp.
I was left shocked at this and begged/pleaded and she just avoided/blocked my calls. A week later, we had met at a mutual friend’s father’s funeral. Just kept the chat brief. A week later, we had met at the bar, after briefly talking, I left. Another week had passed and she reached out to me to help her for work, which I did, because I felt this would make her come closer. But that didn’t happen. I got sappy and emotional later at night when she Whatsapped me.
Last week, she called me and wanted to visit the hospital to see a common friend who just had a baby. I said, I had plans and would let her know when I will go. Later that evening, she sent me several messages on Whatsapp saying how she was happy with me and why she doesn’t appreciate when something good happens to her. I told her it wasn’t entirely her fault and I did move fast in the relationship (as it takes two to tango). Upon inquiring further, she told me how depressed she was and I tried to calm her. She thanked me for being a good listener and bearing all her drama.
I called her on Saturday to ask her if she was free for lunch, she initially said yes, but later Whatsapped me saying she wanted to stay home and didn’t feel like going out. I didn’t reply back. She shares a few things on Facebook from time to time, and likes posts on my wall, and the ones I sometimes share on her wall.
I really don’t know if this is leading to me being ‘friend-zoned’! (I did suggest we could be friends)
Does the NC rule apply to my short term relationship? How do I get back with her? And what is she showing signs that she wants me in her life?
Hmm. I think no contact still applies to short-term relationship as well, but it’s so hard to know what to do when she’s still being friendly towards you & I’m sure it feels good to be there for her when she says that she’s feeling depressed. I know that NC works quite well, but not in the sense that you think… When I did full-on NC with my ex, I actually realized that I didn’t miss him that much at all and was able to move on. I know obviously that’s not what you want to hear, but I think the main point of no contact is that you get yourself into a better headspace to deal with the fact that they still might not want to be together if you try to reconnect.
You could just try being friends for a month, but I’m not sure that would be as effective as no contact is in terms of trying to make her miss you and the connection that you had. However, in my opinion, it does sound as though she is still interested and maybe just felt rushed during your relationship. I don’t know what your best action will be now, but possibly just take things one day at a time. You could just try being friends with her and hoping that it develops into something more, but like you said, maybe you’ve been ‘friendzoned’. I really hope not, and I hope that things work out for you. I wouldn’t give up all hope yet… If I truly wanted to break up with someone I wouldn’t invite them to things with mutual friends and the like. Good luck!Thanks for the feedback. Do you reckon I should meet up and apologies that it has come to my understanding after a month that I messed up, because she broke up with me saying she got bored and there is nothing wrong with me and you are really nice. But as the days passed, I figured I acted very insecure during that last week, being clingy and needy as I was going through a depressive phase.
I have considered meeting her and telling her that I messed up on the promises to take things slow but got really excited and don’t just want to be friends, after which, just follow the NC. Could that be a way forward?
I don’t think you should tell her that you don’t want to be just friends. Just say that you’re not going to talk to her for a while as you need to get over the hurt caused by the breakup. Say that you have been happy to be there for her and support her, but now you need some time to heal by yourself. Then take the 30 day NC period and see how you feel after that. If you still have feelings for her and want to make it work, initiate contact again and go through the steps of the program and tell her that you don’t want to be just friends etc. (Although if I remember correctly one of the steps is to actually just become their friend and support them so..). By this time, you will hopefully be able to accept the fact that she may not want to get back together, but if she does then it will be great and everything will have worked perfectly.
Of course, I’m not an expert and this is just my idea on how you should handle things. Ultimately it is up to you! (Also I hope that this made sense?)…Another thing to consider is the fact that you’re already in the friend stage with her and maybe need to implement the bliss reminders etc. to get her reattracted to you? But I definitely think that a NC period is important for any relationship just because it will give YOU the space to heal a little bit and it will give her the space to miss you.
Tips you may need,
NC always work when you do huge mistakes but in your situation you have done nothing wrong and its understandable and i know she know that aswell,
I suggest you to not apologize coz they hate it too since you done nothing wrong and she might feel that she is costing you problems and she might not talk to you,
What you need to do is being frendly and start contacting her from time to time to not male any distance between you and her specially it was short time relationship,
Ask her to go out to something fun like movie or Museum, it does effect really good,
And dont rush and pay for everything so she dont feel bad, let her also have her decisions while you have your own plans aswell
Remember, when your time is good even your mistakes will count as jokes, but when your time is bad, even your jokes will count as mistakes, be humble, be your self and act good
Good luck
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