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hey all. really would like some straight advice.. no sugar coat.
update: so i saw she had paid for the online site again (not sure when she “paid” necessarily— theoretically could have been a couple months but I naturally assumed it was yesterday…). so i panic..
now yea I paid and went on a couple dates too. I don’t necessarily fault her. but it seemed very final when I saw it. Very “over” and that I was and did waste my time and effort for a person who had already moved on.
So I call her and she answers. And we talk and I say stuff like “I’m tired of the last several weeks, blah blah blah..” she says “we aren’t together. I didn’t lead you on. I’m the type of person who will answer my phone and talk, etc etc”.. And so I basically say stuff like it worked for us, we should try again, etc etc.. and she was like “you said some things that hurt me.. one minute you are hot and one minute you are cold.. it’s not like i’m calling you a lot and hot for you… etc etc. I don’t know what you want me to say”.. I said I wouldn’t have called if I wasn’t ready for any answer (and I wasn’t ready but I panicked)… and then she makes an excuse and gets off the phone w/o saying anything and doesn’t call back..
so I send a few messages and call a couple times. Messages said stuff to the extent that i would do anything.. want her back.. then said I guess you not wanting to say anything means you don’t want to get back, etc. And then I said I hope it works out one day with us. etc etc.. Last thing I said was basically that I was emotional and sad and that I didn’t care if I looked like a wimp and that she wasn’t spilled milk and was worth it… Just sent that a few minutes ago..
So…. I mean I never did the whole no contact thing.. I got 2 full days just before and then panicked. see the previous thread for summary of relationship stuff…
1. Is it too late now?? Feels like she has moved on and there is nothing I can do. Feels like no contact or whatever.. feels like none of it will work
2. What should I do… move on?? let it be… that the whole time I completely misinterpreted stuff and that she has moved on….. or does anyone feel (and I know you guys don’t know us personally) there could be any hope ever??? and if so what should I do???
thanks.. feel very hopeless in all aspects right now
Try doing no contact. I’m in my 9th day of no contact and it was tough at first, but it seems to get better everyday. I have ignored 2 texts from my ex and she has started asking our kids if “I’ve talked about her” or have even mentioned her (which I haven’t). You have to get your ex wondering what is going on and why you aren’t communicating with them.
I know.. but to some extent “no contact” is about holding out hope you can get your ex back. I mean, while not necessarily the sole purpose, that is why a lot of people do it.
but “no contact” won’t work if you ex has moved on and doesn’t care anymore.
And I guess right now that is my concern. Been just over 2 months. I feel simply the girl has moved on with her life and I still cling to the thought of a relationship with her when she just doesn’t want to get back together.
Could “no contact” really do anything at this point? A message from her of something like “hey how are you?” in a few days to me simply wouldn’t mean anything given what she has told me
Put it this way – what do you have to lose… You’re either going to get back together, or you will both move on. I thought the same thing, but people were telling me – you’ll be surprised what happens and how much better you’ll feel.
I think you boost her ego when u call/text her. She thinks u are this guy who keeps chasing her and she feel like the best girl in the world. And i am sure she thinks u will keep calling / texting all the time & will be there waiting for her.
In my opinion, you should change this image of urself in her eyes. Be the guy who is confident and can be happy without her…
The only way that u can show this at the moment is by stopping to contact her.Please dont panic. If she is really into you, the time will help. And she will contact u…please let somethings to time… Give urself sometime too…
You know its just a feeling but i think u will move on to someone else and then u will hear from her …
Please stop calling and sending messages to her with your begging and pleading. It will only serve to upset her more and won’t do you any good. She has too many bad memories of your relationship right now. She knows how you feel and the ball is in her court so to speak. If you get another chance with her, be the sweetest kindest person you can be.. You don’t know for sure if she’s moved on, but if she has, there’s literally nothing you can do. Your break up was 2 months ago and probably seems much longer with all the heartache and agony on your side. If she reaches out to you, it wouldn’t hurt to send a short response, but keep it light with no begging or drama. I understand you feel lost without her, but also try to see the good in other ladies you date and don’t dwell on your ex if you can help it..
Ok thanks guys for your thoughts. Just panicked yesterday and didn’t know what to do.
Well I think my chances may be gone at this point to be honest. But you are right that I don’t know for sure if she has moved on. Won’t know until I just do nothing and see what happens. Guess I have nothing to lose.
I think one of my main problems is being inpatient. I will think “she should call within 3 or 4 days and if she doesn’t she is gone”.. I mean perhaps right? But on the other hand I have see stories of here of people just going almost 2 months after the final break-up and then the ex out of nowhere runs back.
Well this girl has a father who is very sick and she is in denial to an extent. Can’t predict what will happen or when really.
So today is day 1… Gonna lay low completely and stay off any and all social media related to her until I just don’t care anymore. You guys are right in that the ball is in her court and no matter what there is nothing I can do. Guess before I always was holding out some hope.. but seems hope is all lost now. She knows how I feel. May take many days for her to process everything and make up her mind about what she wants right now.
any other thoughts? thanks a bunch guys. yesterday was hard for me…. and I’ll keep this board updated in what happens in case people who are not responding read any of this
Good idea – stay off social media or better yet, stay off the computer, lol. Go on about your life as if none of this ever happened. Don’t obsess about her and if you catch yourself doing it, quickly distract your thoughts by turning on the TV, calling friends or family (and don’t discuss her), or doing anything to take your mind off this very sad situation. You’re in day 1 of no contact and day by day, it gets easier, I promise. Best wishes and take care of yourself..
does anyone feel that her paying for and rejoining the online dating site we met on has any significance??
Guess I feel it is the final nail in the coffin and all hope is lost 🙁
still kinda hard and only on day 2 no contact (first time every trying it in a little over 2 months after the break-up). just can’t help but think it is actually totally over and I have no chance and she has moved on 🙁
You over thinking & over analysing. You dont let urself breath.
Nothing is for sure.
This girl seems a bit complicated & problematic. Its hard to know what she will do… She might miss the attention & care u have showed to her and contact u…
Pls try to be patient. U never know how things will be in life.Her joining that online dating site does seem to have a great deal of significance..she is moving on and you’re still stuck obsessing about her. False hope is torturing you. Please come to grips with the fact that you need to take care of yourself and stop thinking about what she is doing. I know it’s hard, but you really need to get a grip on this. Nobody can see into the future about what will happen after a break up. Guessing won’t help you. You need to think of yourself now. This is a link about surviving the end of a relationship which might help. Wise information and well written http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com/Topics
Ok thanks guys.. I did not contact her. I mean I knew she was logging in for at least a couple months (can do for free so I just hoped that was why) but didn’t know she paid for it until 3 days ago and that’s when I did the begging for the god-only-knows number of times but the last time (didn’t tell her I knew). I mean, yea, I’m over-analyzing it. No idea when (days vs weeks ago) or why she decided to pay. My head always assumes the worst of the worst.. I don’t fault her. She is allowed to move on too but just sucks is all. And I have no idea what she is thinking.
But guess the main this at this point is:
1) focusing on myself now for a period of time and be ok not getting her back (deactivated my facebook so I don’t have to worry about seeing her there)
2) the future is unknown so who knows how all this will turn out — never even tried no contact for more than 2 days — but gotta get myself better no matter what happens or nothing will changeanyway almost done with day 2 of no contact. It is easier to not “have” to message her or try to call her. But I still think about her too much (though not as much as 3 days ago).
Thanks for the help :). I’ll keep this updated. I’m reading that other recovery guide as well.
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