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Sooo I started hanging out with this guy that was originally just a friend. we always bonded so we started hanging out alot it was always fun, always smiles, laughs, good time. No fights no angry not nasty emotions. he would go have fun with me, hold my hand, take my books and hold them for me and walk me to class (college). I never asked him for anything he was just sweet and do things, Then he told me he liked me alot and I have all the qualities he loves and that it scares him.. a couple days later he tells me i cant do this, im falling for you and I am not ready to have feelings for you… so i said okay we can just remain friends because we get along and click so well. he said “i cant be your friend because I cant separate my feelings for you from our friendship.” that broke my heart because I loved being his friend! I would love to have more with him if that were ever a possibility but overall I want to be his friend again. our last conversation was just him telling me he cant be my friend because he cant go through falling in love with someone and he said things were just going to good too fast and I told him I understand and that was when I stated my “no contact” a week ago. Today I saw he blocked my on facebook after I posted a pic of best friends graduation and we haven’t even contacted each other since last week. So why would he block me if we were never on bad terms? we started friends and we ended as friends who were falling for each other and now nothing? Any advice I really want my friend back 🙁 on day 10 of no contact
It honestly sounds like he doesn’t respect your wishes of you NOT wanting to get into a serious relationship with him right now. I always go by the saying “friends first”.
How long have you both been friends? He is behaving extremely petty by blocking you, It is a great thing that you started no contact he needs to understand that you’re not going to be disrespected. Think about how he would act if you did get into a relationship with him and you had a disagreement? That was very immature of him.
He sounds like he is being very dramatic and trying to force you to do something you’re simply not comfortable doing right now (and he has no choice but to respect your decision). He is trying to play a game with you and will say “I blocked you because I can’t take looking at your beautiful face on my newsfeed and I have to seperate myself, blah blah blah”.
By blocking you and behaving so dramatic he is saying “It’s my way or the highway”. You have set your standards and you need to stick to it! He may just want to be intimate with you and he knows you won’t be intimate with him unless you all have the boyfriend/girlfriend title. Either way, I say stick to the NC, DO NOT BUDGE!
NewMe15 thank you for the advice but you misunderstood. we never talked about getting serious things were getting serious without us even knowing it and then one day he told me he is falling for me and cant be involved with that right now when i told him i understood and respected how he felt he told me he cant be my friend because he will keep having feelings for me that hes not ready for. My main concern is that i lost him as a friend and he is a really good guy and i lost the possibility of having something more. We both really like(d) eachother on a friend level and deeper level but he said he cant be my friend anymore and i just dont understand. I do understand that hes not ready for anything serious but to not be my friend hurts
My apologies I completely misunderstood. So he told you he is falling for you but he’s not ready for a relationship?
That is still very dramatic to delete you from facebook (it’s causing uneccessary drama and confusion). You didn’t do anything wrong and if he has to delete you BC he can’t control his feelings for you then maybe he shouldn’t fight them at all.
Either way, I do still think you should stick to the 30 day no contact.
Right? It was very confusing because we never were mad or resentful towards eachother and we were able to communicate and understand one another no problem… what would you suggest after no contact 30 days?
The NC for 30 days should give him an opportunity to see that you’re not at all bothered by his strange and uneccessary behavior.
Prior to the 30 days ending I personally would read up on the suggested text messaging style that Kevin talks about (He has it listed as #4 re contacting your ex”) and then I would follow up with one of those tactics. What I learned is you have to always remain confident and don’t appear to be bothered by his actions (which you seem to be handling perfectly at this time).
You obviously make him feel like he’s never felt before and he is afraid of his feelings he has been developing for you
Are you open to being in a relationship with him?
I am open to having something with him we are both very hesitant to try to estblish something because we were too afraid of the possibility of being hurt and things going wrong. He told me the last time i saw him 11 days ago that hes put a wall up so i cant get in (i guess to his heart?) We Both were open about how we liked eachother and about how we were scared. Things were going sooo good it was just scary like too good to be true. i thknk 30 day nc is needed so we can sort out our own personal issues that stop us from each other. does nc work?
So you both are on the same page, I can imagine it must be a really scary feeling.
I do believe things will workout for you though. Today I am actually on day 19, I believe it will work its just a matter of allowing the wounds to heal and being able to start new while focusing on communicating more effectively.
There are different text messages that you’re supposed to begin sending on day 31 to break the no contact but honestly, I am battling with wether or not I want to be the one to initiate anything.
It’s all truly alot to take in and try to manuever, I just wish men weren’t so stubbourn and difficult to read at times :-/
Okay, I read this and honestly I am confused not about you but him. Let me ask couple of questions to clarify the situation in my head and the dynamics between you two. So how long were you good friends before he told you he has feelings? Did he give any reason or indication why he cannot try a relationship with you?Other than the fear thing?
If he blocked you he must be quite immature frankly because I dont know is it just me but this blocking/ unblocking people in social media that lots of people seem to do is so silly really. Either block or dont but dont go back and forth that is so 13/14 year olds behavior. You did nothing wrong in this scenario, he said he cannot have a relationship so you offered friendship and that was no good either so technically he made the choice and now that is what you need to respect even though it is not fair on you because you had no say on something that impacts you. You should absolutely stick to the nc and let him stew on his own until he wakes up and smells the coffee. Once it is done you can try to reach out to him but if he does not respond positively then just drop him. I know it is hard, I know you want him back as friend or even possibly more but you cannot push him into something he is not and right now he is not able to deal with this situation and behave like an adult should. He has not given you any choices here so now you have couple either to try contacting him and it will push him away further or continue life, have fun , gain new experiences. Normally in this situation I would say work on yourself but to be honest you did not mess up, he did so I would say value yourself and respect yourself and dont let him treat you like your friendship is expendable thing here. It is not, and if he does not get wow then loss is all his. And just as advice from someone who has been there if you postpone getting into a relationship with someone because you are afraid of getting hurt you might walk past something really great and that would be a shame and last you thing you want is to have the regret why did I not try with that person. You cannot prevent yourself getting hurt in this life if you want to live a full life, that is just the way it goes. I always say if I want it enough I will try things no matter what because least I can say I tried even if it did not work and yes you get hurt but you learn from it and bounce back stronger and better person until the one who does not hurt you comes along. Now with this guy unless he smartens up he is going to pass an amazing opportunity to be with a great person so you gotta feel bad for him.@finntoga thank you so much i appreciate and value your awesome insight! We were friends for 8 months and just more recently we started getiing closer and then feelings crept up on us. I dont think either of us intended on getting feelings it just happened. i never said i wanted a relationship i told him i was open to whatever happened because it felt so natural between us i didnt want to rush it or label it but i never said i didnt want one either i just didnt want to pressure him towards anything then one day he tells me hes falling for me and the last time he had such a strong feeling for someone was his ex of 3 yrs andthathes not ready for that feeling because he doesnt want to gethurt and if things went wrong he doesnt like the feeling of loosing someone he feels so strongly for. i have never been in “love” so idk how he feels but he toldme that he thinks he hasnt dealtwithhis feelings from that which idk how long ago it was i think it was about 2 to 3 yrs ago. and thatswhen i told hImwe could just keep it at friends and he said he cant because his feelings cant be separated from our friendship which is the same forme but he was a great friend i didnt want to loose. He isa great guy but the blocking thing took me bysurprise because iwe never talkedon social media ever andthe one day i posted anything was pics of my friends graduation he blocked me and i have no clue why we were never mad or resentful, never fought we were always happy and sweet to one another? Idk but i do miss having him around. He works at my groups pizza place, we go to school together, same major, and its just sucks to not have a friend over feelings
@finntoga I appreciated your earlier advice so much and took it to heart I haven’t reached out for advice since until now. . It’s been over 30 days now I feel better and from what I know he’s doing great too. I still miss him v and smile everyone he comes to mind. I’m super happy for him that he’s doing great he’s a good guy and deserves to feel good. Neither of us have contacted since the bcuz began so now I’m wondering should I contact him or just leave him Bree unless we ever if we cross paths again?
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