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Sorry for the novel in advanced, I tried to be brief without leaving the important details! I’ve posted this before and have gotten no advice on the matter except one vague reply. If you have any advice or insight on the matter, please share. I’ll gladly offer my advice on your post in reply.
My ex broke up with my 3 1/2 weeks ago, and I tried to get her back twice, which officially started my NC 2 1/2 weeks ago. She’s also been talking to this guy, but I don’t know if she left me for him, she’s using him as a rebound, or if nothing is going on at all and they just talk because they’re friends.
Four days after we broke up I went over to her place (the 2nd time I tried to get her back) to just tell her how I feel and not plead or convince her to stay with me and he was over there in the late night. She told me a couple of days after that that they were talking about their relationship and how they have some feelings for each other and just discussing things. That night, she snubbed me on a dance at a club for him and was his ride home for the night. The next morning she told me that she decided that we should just be friends, which started my NC. Some people have told me he has been over to her place almost every day and spending the night some nights.
A week after I started NC she bumped into me at an event we were both at and asked me to dance. I said yes, didn’t really talk to her, but did look at her from time to time so I wouldn’t come across as rude. I thanked her for the dance and immediately walked, which left her with a slightly startled face because I hadn’t tried to talk to her like I normally would.
Right after that event, she texted me asking if I had time to drop off some of her stuff that I still had and apologized for not getting back to me sooner since I had asked about returning the items at the beginning of my NC. I waited 2 days to answer, then went to her place early that evening and dropped it off and immediately started walking away. She said she had something of mine, so I followed her into her apartment, got my item, and she asked if I was okay because I wasn’t trying to talk to her like I normally would. I said I was tired from a practice I recently had and then had another that night, said thanks for getting my item back to me and then walked out and shut the door.
A week ago she came up to me and some of my friends at another event and started talking to me. I treated it very cordially and started working my way away from her and back towards my friends in the conversation. She asked me to dance at this other event and I said yes. While dancing, she asked me how I was doing and I just replied in a very nonchalant/cordial manner and just said I was doing pretty good, just working out a little bit with my friend, joining a group of his, and getting ready for graduation. I didn’t ask about her and kept on singing along to the song. Towards the end of the song, she said “it Is good to see you” and I just replied with a very short, impersonal “you too” and then walked off. I had a performance a short while after that to which she waved at me on her way out and said “you did a really great job! I’ll see you later” and then she left.
Finally, there was another event on a couple of days ago which was the first one I wasn’t required to be at which she might be there too. For my own benefit, I decided to not go as a decision to not see her, even though I want to and miss her like crazy. I feel as though she doesn’t miss me because she’s seen me twice in person even though I’ve been maintaining NC the entire time.
She’s about to leave for the summer (middle of May – middle of August) for an internship to which neither I or the other guy will be there and I’ll be in one of her classes in the Fall, so that’s the next time I’ll see her.
My questions are: Will she ever contact me or even miss me for that matter? Is this other guy a rebound or is she actually trying to be with him?
Another question I have is: Should I reach out to her at all after I decide my NC is over or let her come back to me?
Well based on what you are saying she is interested of him and at the moment she is behaving towards you in a friendship type of manner. To me it seems she is talking to you because she thinks you are friends and she does care about your well being. It could also be she feels bit guilty about ending the relationship.I’m kind of curious how old she is I mean if she is quite young then it most likely is that she is spreading her wings and trying new things if not then it is hard to say if this is rebound thing or not because it could go either way. No one can say that at this stage to be honest so if that is the answer you are looking for I cannot give it to you. I believe she does miss you,after long time it is impossible not to even if you move onto new people. You dont have to tell me but what did she give as reason for breaking up with you? Should you reach out or not is question that only you can decide after the nc is over. What you need to ask yourself then is do you still want her back? If no then answer is clear don’t but if you do then what do you have to loose with contacting her once to see how she reacts and to see if she still have feelings for you strong enough to get back together. Also if she only wants to be friends is that okay with you? What do you want after nc? So think of those and time will tell. You are doing great and behaving just right with her now.
I’m 23 and she’s 21. The reason we broke up was because we disagreed on things fairly often because our personalities were different, but they were always productive. Then the disagreements started to become more like arguments. I wanted to work it out and was going to do everything I could to fix things because I had some built up stress from other things that was coming out at her. She didn’t want to work on it because she said it was exhausting and the fact that she doesn’t want kids and I don’t really have a strong opinion on the matter added sort of an expiration date on us as she stated. And to be honest, I really do want her back, so that’s what I want after NC. I feel like I take a lot of steps forward in terms of becoming happy and moving on, but then it’ll come back and hit me.
Well than you have an answer what to do when nc is over. You should contact her than. I mean what ever she chooses to do after is unknown and her choice but if she comes back to you great and if not least you, then grieve and least you know you tried everything and nothing was left undone from your part and that is important. I see that she says she doesnt want kids. She is only 21 and her mind might change many times so I would take that respectfully but sort of with grind of salt to be honest. Here is what happened to me: My ex was with me 2 and half years and he is 37 and he always said he does not want kids. I am same age and I said okay because I was not bothered either way (in my twenties I always thought I would have kids). We broke because he hated confrontation and drama and the drama would have been that he was letting his ex girlfriend live in his house still (it was big house so they hardly saw each other and I met her as well but due to language barrier with the ex I did not realize when he introduced us that he said I was a friend until later when I learned more of his language and I said he needs to be honest and he started waffling so I said fine we cannot be together and he said he will be back when he is ready to do it because he knows we would be happy together but he is not ready for the scene and argument now which made me suspicious about it all but I said nothing because he is the only person I have ever wanted a future with but little lies are not okay with me, I know he was honest about other things) than two months after we break he meets a girl with a 9 year old kid and moves in with her, I know cause he told me he fell in love and how I am the most amazing girl but he feels he lead me on and apologizes that). Guy who took 5 years to move in with he other girlfriend and who normally takes months to make any decisions and years if it is big decision so I felt like this is a person I dont even know but I stopped contact immediately . We did not have an ugly breakup and no arguments. Now it has been about five months and most days are okay ,I have some hard days too but I miss him and still love him and assume it will take time to forget him. I dont know if he is still with her but I dont intend to contact him because I moved to his country to be with him, we made these plans together and if he wants me he has to show it to me, he always said he has never loved anyone as much as me and the way, we were very passionate together and when I was with him I felt his love but now after all this I am no longer sure maybe he was just misleading himself and me who knows. Hardest time I have with is the fact that he moved in so fast with her and also she has a child he is not good with children I have seen him before so to me it was like he changed to someone else but I am just trying to get myself to move on now because I dont think he will come back to me and it is time to give up hope.I do know I am still one of the lucky ones.
But back to you, did she ever say why she does not want kids? Did she think that was an issue for you? Because I went through a face where I did not want kids and when ever I met new potential boyfriend I was honest with them because I did not want to take something away from the other person and I think that is her thought process as well when it comes to relationship having an expiration date but it would apply to any future relationship too. So time will tell. I think you do have a chance still, this new guy is just offering something new for her but she will miss you and your times together sooner or later.And if it really was over for her she would not try so hard to stay friends with you and seek you out. So keep doing what you do.
Do you think she’ll contact me though? And if not, when would be the best time to contact her if that’s what I should even do?
Well I am not her so I dont know if she will contact you. My guess is based on her behavior so far that once she does not hear from you she will contact you but I dont know as I am not her : ).You should contact her when you feel ready to be okay even if her answer is negative on getting back together. Personally if I was you I would maybe wait the summer and until you see each other again to see if the feelings from your side are still there and also to see if this thing with the other guy is just rebound. I would take this time as break to work on yourself and getting new experiences and spending time with friends and family as they are great support network. But you have to do what you think is right for you so at the end of the day your decision.
One of my friends suggested that no matter what, I wait for her to contact me because by contacting her, I could be endangering the hopes of getting back to her and that if she doesn’t come back, I will have at least already started moving on. I really want her back, but honestly, unless she comes back on her own, I don’t know what I could do to get her back. She’ll just have to see how insufficient this rebound guy is and what she had with me and I can’t make her do that. So with that being said, we’ll see what happens. I hope she comes back, but it seems that the right move as of now is to start moving on.
So another friend suggested that I do contact my ex in contrast to most of my other friends suggesting to just wait for her no matter what and no matter how long. Can someone offer me a pros and cons list of each? I don’t want to push my ex away, but I don’t want to not talk to her eventually and I really want her back. Any help is appreciated
Update:
So I went to a concert yesterday with some friends and I was driving a friend of mine home and he decided to go drive past the house we’re looking at living in next year. There are 2 streets that are both 1-way and my ex’s complex is in the middle of the 2 on the same street as the house. I went down the back street (backside of her complex) and had to wait for a couple of cars to move, and then another car pulled up behind me. I was driving down and recognized the car as my ex girlfriend’s. I didn’t think it was her at first but then she pulled into her complex and I knew it was her immediately. She texted me a couple of minutes after that asking if it was me in front of her in that traffic mess, and then I never texted her back after that.
This is the first time she’s texted me since I started NC and the first time she’s talked to me at all since the last event I saw her at (a week and a half prior). One of my friends suggested that even though she reached out to me, it was only because she saw me (or the back of my car for that matter) and not because she missed me.
What would be a good plan of action for this? I’m still currently in my NC period for a little over 3 weeks and it’s been almost 2 weeks since I saw her at a mutual event to which I stayed nonchalant and polite, but nothing personal whatsoever or any questions about how she’s doing.Thanks everyone, I appreciate the feedback
He is definitely a rebound and yes she will definitely miss you! However you need to go back into NC and STAY there for a while..
Answer Mine?
http://getyourexbackpermanently.
com/boards/topic/should-i-just-go-back-to-contact-or-what/
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