Long Distance Relationship

Hi Andi!

Similar situation here. I was in a LDR with my girlfriend (uhm, sorry, now I should call her “my ex”). Everything was fine, we managed to see each other twice a month, so distance was not a problem for us, just like for you. You’ve mentioned university, so I think that our age might be similar too.
My break up happened face-to-face. She told me that she is not happy with me, she wants changes in her life, and she is no longer attracted to me. I was totally broken – you know that feeling I think -, and similarly to you, I begged in the first days.
Now, we’are not together since more than a month. I keep “No Contact”, but I must talk to her sometimes because we’re in a group conversation on Facebook, so… It’s complicated, but anyways, I’m fine with NC. / I share these things because I believe it may help you somehow, but sorry if you find my personal story boring or you don’t care/
I think 30 days of no contact will be not enough, because thanks to the LDR, you were used to tolerate the less contact (less than a ‘normal’ relationship). For me, more than 30 days have passed, and unfortunately, I still have this gruesome feeling in my gut when it comes to my mind.

Improving yourself is a great idea, I do the same (not gym but exercising at home).
Go to gym, make yourself a better person. Both physically and mentally. You should try to not thinking about her all the time, even if it’s really hard. And it will be very hard. For me, I still have very bad feelings when it comes to my mind, and when I imagine my future without here, and our plans (interesting, we also planned to go to London).

Actually, you’re doing everything right. I’m not really experienced, but I’m trying to do the same, and in my opinion, all you have to do is to continue what you’ve started, and finish your plans that you’ve described above.
I think you did nothing wrong with begging in the first days. She must have been broken too, and she might have not been sure that whether it was the right decision or not.
If you think you can change in your personality, do it. You have to improve and change yourself both physically and mentally. She’s no longer in love with the guy who you are, so when you will try to get her back, you have to make her fall in love with the “New You’. Change your look If you want to, even if she was the one who has told you how to dress and make your hair. Actually, you’re one stop ahead me, because I had no one to tell me how to dress, and now, I’m trying to figure it out myself. Because of course, I want to get back my ex, and I’m trying to change.

If you have not done it yet, I recommend you to subscribe to Kevin’s daily emails. They’re short, and sometimes contain advertisements, but all of them is totally helpful.
I don’t know what else should I write. Actually I’m in a very similar situation, and I’m just a little bit more experienced because of the time that has passed.

I really hope that I could help you somehow 🙂
Good luck, Andi, I wish the bests for you!
(Sorry for poor English, I’m not a native speaker)

P.S. I think the difference between you and your ex is not a problem. Sometimes this kind of difference can be advantageous, but of course, only if it’s not really opposing.

My ex had birthday recently as well. I just wrote a simple ‘Happy Birthday’ to her on facebook. I would do it for all of my friends and acquaintances.

About the first girlfriend thing: I thought I had already mentioned it: for me, my ex was my first girlfriend as well. We had very intimate and erotic relationship, however, both of us are still virgin. But we planned exactly how the first time will happen, and swore that we only want to lose our virginity to each other, and things like that, so… Ehmm. I think your case is still worse, because this thing is a strong bound between you two.
Drunk during daytime? Strange. Actually, prepare yourself, because that might not be the last and only one strange thing that will come.
It’s not a problem that she didn’t send any message. Just like you, she needs free space – or she just understands that you need free space. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care at all. She need time for recovery, and maybe she feels better if she doesn’t send messages. It’s something similar to what you’re doing (NC). Don’t forget that she is broken too, and the break up was very hard for her as well, even if she was the one who did it.
My ex talked to me on the first two weeks, but these were very short (4-5 messages long) and awkward conversations. And as I’ve said, once she was happy and playful, once she became rude.
I have Tinder too 😀 I have no experiences yet, but I think it’s hard to find there a girl who wants a serious relationship. But of course, it is a very good way to occupy yourself. The population of my city is around 100k, but when I widen the search range to the maximum kilometer limit, it finds girls from the capital, and I’ve learned how to cope with distance, so… there wouldn’t be a problem if I would take it seriously:D

The vacation is good. Take advantage of it as much as it’s possible. You’ll have a lot of time for yourself. (Poor me, I’ll only have 6 days).

My break up happened 1 month and 1 week ago. And we were together for 7 months (I think I haven’t mentioned it). And thank you for trying to help 😀 Listening itself is a good way of helping. We’re in a similar situation, and if I can tell personal things from my case, it also helps me.

If you feel like you were not mature enough, then it’s the perfect time to change if you want to.
Me and my ex have a couple of common friends. Most of them managed to become as neutral and independent as it’s possible. There’s one guy who is not, but he’s on my side.
And there’s a girl (who is also a mutual friend) who helped me the most in the days after the break up. We were close friends already, but she literally saved my life. And I also admire her because of she managed to stay neutral as well. She isn’t crossed with my ex or something.
I can absolutely understand your decision why don’t you want to speak with her. If you have more mutual friends, be aware. Only tell your very close friends how broken and lost you are. Some common friends may talk to your ex about your mood and situation, and it wouldn’t be nice if your ex would know how bad do you feel. She should see exactly the opposite, that you’re happy, confident, you’re improving yourself, living your life.

It’s totally fine that you’re using Tinder 😀 It’s a new occupation for you, and it’s not a problem that you’re trying with some kind of dating there. Actually, dating can be good for you. You are free and independent now, you can do whatever you want, so take advantage of it, even if it’s just online dating. What’s more, getting to know new people also helps your process of improving yourself and changing.

Just be aware of drinking! 😀 You know, in many films guys often do silly things with their exes if they’re drunk 😀 Not a problem that you didn’t talk to girls, it’s far enough if you still had fun.

At the moment, we send daily 1-2 messages to each other in the group conversation, but we haven’t talked in private for 2 weeks. When we used to talk in private (after the break up), we had very short conversations, which ended awkwardly. In every cases, she was the one who wrote on me. But actually, since the first days of the break up, we only talked about everyday topics, nothing deep or serious. And just really short messages.
I still consider it as No Contact. To be honest, I’ve planned a really long NC. I must improve myself in lot of things, and I don’t really have time because of school, competitions and etc. And we were very determined and committed, and the break up happened relatively fast, so… I don’t really know. I just need more space.
She seems to be okay, but of course, I don’t know what she really feels and thinks. She was very strange in the first weeks, now it has been normalized. She doesn’t give any signs, from which I could find out something about her. I wish I could read her mind.
Well, then you’re relatively close to me 😀 I’m from Hungary 🙂 (and my ex too).
(Actually, german is my second language at school, but I’m not so good at it :D)

Hey guys! I thought I might add to the conversation. How long were guys with your exes?
You are doing the right thing with no contact. Just let them wonder about you, girls don’t move on quickly.

Did you guys find it hard to be in a ldr? My ex and I were together 5 years and he got a job in Germany and shortly after broke up with me…(I’m still in the usa and we were both living in the same city here) I’m wondering how I can get him back…and convince him it can be done! That’s the only reason we broke up. He thought it would be too stressful… But I’m going up be in Germany in a month …I’m hoping he can meet up with me. I haven’t told him yet