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I have been crying this morning. I miss his good morning texts. Everything reminds me of him and I feel like I’m going to die. It’s only the start of day 5 of NC and I can’t take it. How pathetic is that??? He would probably think I am pathetic too if I contacted him now – like I can’t even take 5 measly days of not talking to him? I look like a freak! I read stories of how the ex came back after some time and I feel so much hope – then I read stories of how the ex never came back and I feel an unbearable despair. I can’t take this. I don’t know what I am going to do.
I know how it is and let me tell you it is unbearable pain,it is much when you wake up and esp when there is no work.Yes I am been confused of all mixed stories of ex coming back and also not coming back.
I have no clue if this NC is going to work or not.Because other party just don’t care my g/f is very cold and stubborn and she was never like this for 4 years of relationship.
Its tough to do but what else we can do we have to live and keep going…((To be honest with u … i am in the 3th week of NC .. and i am still thinking of her … that make me feel wer3 not going back together .., i am really afraid coz i loved her so much morethan anything in the world and she left me … i feel i need morethan month but more time i be away from contacting her give me no hope to get her back but i just count in the guys here and Kevin .., i know there is nothing i can do just to count on them … believe in them and hope u will back to him
That is so true. Mornings are the worst. I know that first hand. Something will eventually snap in you. Keep saying this to yourself I am not going to feel sorry for myself anymore. I will get him back. I will not contact him. I will let him be, for now. Right now you have to give the rabbit a chase. Good news for you is that men do not hold things for too long and will try to contact you, (my opinion; in my experience anyways)
Many things seem impossible. Sometimes in the face of all terrible events and you will hear this often from your friends, “oh just forget about him or move on. Do not believe that crap saying, about if it was meant to be it was meant to be.” I really think that if the Spartans in the past thought like that we would never hear of their victory against the Persians. Even in times of history there was the impossible odds. Everything is wrong and sometimes you are left alone to defend your ground but keep telling yourself we will be back. Death and surrendering is not an option.
For now plan oh how you will show that you will change, but for yourself as well. Then when it is time remember the plan. Stick to the plan but also keep this in the back of your mind. Do not let your emotions get the best of you, it can work. I was crying for many days 5 days ago and I went halfway around the world to meet her. But that is not going to stop me. You are not just fighting for love, you are fighting for a home and a future. A happy future but until you can accept the moment now and to learn to change. You are going to go right back to where you started. Check out the definition of insanity. We are with you. Do not give up. If you see a pic or have a certain memory and trying to believe everything is destroyed just hold your ground. Do not move do not take action. Just wait. If this is real love you do not just walk away.
In the end he never gets back with you. Least you know that you really loved him and that you did everything to get back including changing yourself which is so difficult to do. Least when you get older you can not have regrets because yes you are human. We have terrible habits and some never change without going through the burning of fire and darkness to come out strong then ever.
Thank you guys for responding to me. Thank you for making me feel less alone. And bless you @Merchaunt for that incredible, inspiring post for me, and for all of us. I have been reading it over and over and have copied and pasted it onto a Word document so I can always have it. Guys I am NOT doing well. I am barely eating anything, even when I get hungry, I barely eat a few bites before I feel sick. I’ve lost three pounds this week, down to 107 lbs. In fact I just came back from a nearby church, I drove there in desperation to speak to a priest and I could not – I am going to call tomorrow to make an appointment for a confessional, something I have NEVER done. I’m Catholic but I haven’t been to church probably since I was a child. The guilt and the pain is literally eating me alive. I missed two and a half days of work last week and can’t continue to do so. I have to somehow survive the four days of work this week. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. Today has been horrible. Please keep talking to me, I would really appreciate it
The same here .. i have lost 7kg for only month and still losing and losing my mom so pissed she dont know that i am broke inside … she think i wanna lose weight for gym and stuff.. usually i dont share what inside of me only if i am really crazy about it … what @Merchaunt said is true ..we could just give it time while we working on our selfs and things gonna be better …. i couldnt lose this much weight ever until now xD … its good start to eat healthy and workingout
@JeanValins the same here…I am desperately trying to hide things from my mom because if she knew how I really am feeling she would probably be afraid I am going to kill myself or something… I cry in private, luckily there is only one meal I eat around her but I can still barely fit anything in because my stomach has gotten used to next to no food. I don’t understand why today has been so horrible. I was better yesterday but today since the morning I have been beyond a wreck and I feel like I am going to have a panic attack. How am I going to survive day after day of this.
@ChrisLovesChris for my experience .. this pain will be stronger day after day IF u didnt start to change something u will be crying all days later… after the breakup with my ex i was talking to her about the things she said to me and its not true … she didnt believe me and she was so bad to me .. i was so pissed and i did something made me in hospital for 3 weeks… u r lucky to get in here in this time coz whenever u feel sad u can talk to us but in that time i didnt know about this website and find it by luck after i did all horrible stuff … so try to work hard on your self and everything going to be ok.. wait while working on something … its time to change
Give it a minute. That means you really love the person but stick to the program. Read the e-mails they send you. If their love for you is true they still love you they still miss you. It is very unattractive to seem needy just do not talk in anyway shape or form unless you have kids or work together keep it very formal with no emotion. The 30 days are more for you, you are in no condition to speak to them now and how to fix it. I know about the starving thing. You cannot force the food down even if you are hungry because you feel like you want to vomit and I lost weight too. But it is only a passing thing I promise I promise. It is very important to grieve and write a journal for yourself. It really works. As for eating soups are the best thing for you as well as bread of any kind. You can make it. It is ok to be nervous. Watch alot of comedy, of any kind. It will be hard to concentrate but usually there will be a few moments you can get a laugh in and feel better. For now I almost had a panic attack also but how to get over it is doing this. Close your eyes, what is the worst that could happen? You die and that’s it. I know it sounds cold but the truth is your heart will relax and you will be like hmm. No big deal guess it was a passing thing. You can be successful but it is up to you. Stay on these blogs and watch comedy or play a video game where it requires alot of concentration.
@JeanValins I also found these boards by luck, I had been getting the emails but I didn’t know the board existed. I’m glad it’s here because pretty much every other place is all about telling you to forget it and encouraging you to hate your ex. What happened that you ended up in the hospital?
@Merchaunt That’s what I did last night, I watched some funny movies. I almost hate feeling temporarily better that way though because then I have to remember all over again and it’s horrible. The soup sounds like a good idea, I am also going to order some juices tomorrow. I could probably do one of those weeklong juice detox diets now with no problem whatsoever. I’m scared he really doesn’t love me or miss me anymore. You don’t know how many times he told me all he wants is for me to forget him and move on. The only thing that gives me hope is the way he tried to hurt me so bad with his words, the way he kept saying he didn’t care anymore when he obviously did, I feel as long as he still feels those things he still feels something for me…@ChrisLovesChris I think I am missing something about what you are going through. Can you explain in full detail exactly what happened and how long you have been together? Do you understand why he broke up with you?
@Merchaunt we were together a year…he left me because when we would fight I would say really terrible things…I hurt him so much. Even though I stopped when I said I would stop and I never lost my temper again no matter what he said to me, it was too late and he cannot let go of the hurt I caused him. Now he just wants to forget me, he is too hurt and too scared of me. He is a very anxious person to begin with, he never lets anyone get close to him and I did and then I hurt him so bad. I was his first real girlfriend. I would give anything for just one more chance. But he is now in a complete anger phase and I’m scared he hates me. Meanwhile I just don’t know what to do.
I know exactly how you feel and since my situation is different because I went halfway around the world for her. As for you, you were with him a year. Things were much better than good I can assure you unless you were extremely abusive which I highly doubt. The bad things are easily remembered all the time. Right now you know what you must change about yourself because of all the pain. It gives him time to wash away all the anger and bad memories to start remembering the good. He is still thinking about you in both good and bad but more good.
If he still has you as a friend on facebook then things are not as bad as it seems and if his friends say hello from time to time that is a better sign. Or if his friends still contact you asking how you are doing. I know lets say he did go with someone else. He will still have alot of guilt thinking of you. He loves you. He thinks that will fill the void but really no one can replace you. Right now just stay quite and follow the steps. Never ask him about his dates when you are past the no communication. I know there are so much paranoia storming in your mind. I have more of the right for it but I am confident the bad feelings will pass. Things will be get better. The things about the 30 days its for you to improve and know what to do when you talk to him. Its also for him to learn to miss you and wash away all the pain and anger.
He will be missing you but now you have to learn to change. All is fair in love and war. I am not saying you have to use violent tactics but your tactics on what you have to do differently to be more attractive for him and what you think have to change for you to succeed. Learn to cook, learn to workout and good topics to talk about. Think about those things because after the NC, you will eventually have to meet and talk. Maybe use some of your new skills. Follow the plan.
Then when you do meet, you can use your new tools (weapons) and show you that you changed. That you do not need him to be happy you are happy yourself and wish to stop all the fights. But do not say it. Show it when you get the chance and you will. Hold your ground. Yes I know she told me the same to me but I am thinking on the different things to do when I go back and start over. When I speak to her I am determined I do not care what people tell me I am going right back to Bulgaria and earn my home. The old relationship face it, it is dead the good news is that the new one will be in your favor, the new relationship is the one that is going to last forever if you want it to. Be determined. Have a goal.
Watch these two things on youtube or something. Its cheesy but really its very inspiring on what you have to do for yourself in this adventure we call life.
First look up (Sam’s speech) to Frodo from Lord of the rings even if you are not a fan just listen on what they are talking about. Hopelessness, disaster and why they kept going on.
Second look up Yoda’s speech from Starwars to show on change and to be determined. Reflect on those clips. You can make it, it was true love that is why it hurts so much but this is the beginning of something new, not with someone else but someone you want a home with. You can do it.
@Merchaunt I truly appreciate your faith in me and my situation. I pray that you are right. This is the first time that we have ever not spoken. I don’t know if he has me blocked…neither of us have Facebook. He did block me on google plus but I think it’s because the fight we had on Monday was about that. I don’t know if he has blocked me on his phone. He said he would but I don’t know how to find out. I have figured out a few ways to reach him just in case but I am so scared that he will just block those as well. He seems like he is through with me yet at the same time he is still so angry and hurt, I can’t imagine why someone like that would not want the person they loved to help them heal from the pain but that is the situation I am in. He is insisting that it is better to just forget me.
We had been talking for several weeks but I accidentally said something that set him off on Monday; it wasn’t even bad but it made me realize how much anger and hurt he had for me that he cannot let go of. I don’t know if he will ever talk to me again. I am so devastated and I feel like I am going to go mad from the pain.
I am going to look those things up on youtube, thank you. Anything else you can suggest to me, feel free, every little bit helps.
Remember after the 30 days no contact there is still that magic letter you can give him. Re-read the section. Never lose hope. In the end you will come out stronger and he will be the one with regret because you really loved and cared but all that anger is temporary. Do not worry where you are blocked at now. Just stay with the program, read all the emails it sends you and be determined to have you back. Just be a stronger more attractive woman for you and things will be great. I do not wish you luck because luck has nothing to do with it. I am telling you do what the plan tells you and go do it.
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