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So this is kind of a long and confusing situation. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible though.
Basically I was away on a trip for work, my gf of almost 2 years sent me a text while I was away saying she thinks we should break up. I was hurt by this so got angry and went along with it. When I got back, we talked and she said she only did it because she wanted me to tell her that I loved her. So I messed up there. I was still kinda hurt though because she was saying she was still confused when I said I wanted to fix things. She felt she didn’t make me happy enough so that was making her unhappy.
We continued talking on and off and I would make attempts to reconcile things and when I’d get no response I’d get upset and tell her to leave me alone, thinking I’d be better off without her.
Fast forward a couple months, I realize that I’m losing the best thing I had in my life and really want her back. We are able to talk and I tell her that I love her and miss her and really want to fix things. She tells me she doesn’t know, that I really hurt her how I acted after the break up. That she thinks I’d be happier with someone else. She says that when we talk she just gets confused and sad. So I tell her I’ll give her space to figure things out and she can contact me when she’s ready.
I was talking to a mutual friend who says that she is seeing someone new, however, she insists to me that there is nobody (I didn’t confront her that I knew, I had asked before about her confusion if there was anyone new).
By giving her space I am essentially going into NC, but I don’t know if it suits the situation entirely. Also don’t know if I should let her know that I know about the new guy, or just stick to my game plan, go 30 days and then try to reconcile again.
Please Help!
I don’t think now is exactly the time for no contact because both sides don’t have an honest understanding of where things are. Specifically, it doesn’t sound like she knows exactly how you honestly feel and you don’t know if she is going out with someone else or not.
I’d explain to her exactly how you feel about everything you said above and also tell her that your mutual friend told you she was going out with someone else. That’s not to accuse her of lying to you, that’s just to tell her that’s what you heard, where you stand and how you feel about everything.
After that, you can listen to what she has to say. Maybe she has nothing to say now. Maybe she has to think about what to say. I’d go no contact after you are open with her and let her know that if she wants to talk she can call you but you are going no contact because if you are going to break up, that’s the best thing to do. And you’re not going no contact as a punishment or some kind of passive aggressive action done because you are upset.
We talked a bit, but she seems to still hold a lot of pain and anger since the break up. I told her I would give her space and give her time to figure out what she wants. She down played the new guy, but has definitely gone out with with him at least once. She told me she isn’t ready for a relationship with anybody, but that might just be her way of trying to get me to back off. Regardless it has been a week of no contact, she blocked me from messaging her shortly after I told her I’d give her space. At least helps with me not contacting her.
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