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Hey all,
Been a while since I’ve been on this site. Need some quick help ASAP.
Been a few months since we broke up. We dated for 2 years. Lived together. Shes 24 and I’m 23. We met for coffee a month and a half ago but it didn’t really go anywhere. She told me she wasn’t ready to be friends with me yet. So I backed off for a bit. I have another thread which has the full story thing if you want to look for that.
Anyways, we’ve been talking a little bit lately. Not much though. I’ve been seeing a therapist for the last 2 months or so. She’s helped me get through a lot of stuff. After we had our coffee “date” she suggested I ask my ex out to coffee again and tell her about some of the things I’ve been working on/self improving. Then maybe depending on how that goes tell her that I want to be with her again and maybe give her some time to think about what I said.
I liked this idea. So I asked her about it a while ago. She said she needed more time before she was ready to have another in person conversation thing. She said she wasn’t in the best place mentally. I didn’t really get any insight into why after asking her for a bit.
Anyways, I asked her about it again, if she could tell me if she’s ready to have a conversation. She asked me what the conversation would be about. Should I tell her this is something my therapist suggested to sort of make her curious? Or should I just leave it entirely? Is there a nice way to phrase this response so that I don’t scare her off? Should I not even have this conversation in the first place?
Any advice/ thoughts would be appreciated. She sent me this text a few days ago and I haven’t responded yet so help ASAP would be fan-freakin-tastic.
Thanks a bunch!
I’d ask your therapist what to say since s/he was the one who suggested it in the first place. I personally wouldn’t mention anything about him/her, unless you want to make a point that you’ve been working hard to improve yourself.
@AGuyWhoMissesHer Ironically, since your therapist has been right about everything so far, if you can get in touch with him/her fast enough, I’d ask your therapist for what to do. If you can’t get in touch with your therapist in time, here’s my advice (but your therapist’s should trump mine)…
It’s been a few days since your ex texted you this question, answering now would just be weird. So for now, I’d ignore the question, text her again, try to rekindle a conversation, ask her out again. If she asks you what you’ll be talking about a second time, don’t ignore it. Instead, it depends on why you broke up initially. At the risk of sounding like an asshole, you have over a hundred posts and I’m not gonna read your entire post history, so it’s up to you to figure out which one is more appropriate.
If the reason you broke up was due to something a therapist would logically help with, like extreme depression or anger on your end, I think it would be a good idea to admit it to her, it’s obvious that you’ve been seeking help and bettering yourself. But, if you broke up just because she lost attraction to you, or got bored, etc. – although a therapist can help with this, admitting it to her could come across as a bit weak (unfortunately, as useful as it can be, seeing a therapist often carries a negative stigma). So in this case, maybe make it vague but about how you’re better than before, like you started a new hobby, learned a new skill, got a new job, etc.
Don’t say that we’ll talk about that you’re more confident and less insecure than before – I’m sure you are, but this is one of those things she should realize by herself. Flat out telling somebody you’re self-confident with hopes of her being impressed by your new self-esteem will likely have the opposite effect.
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