NO Contact – Keep Strong – But Wonder When to Break NC

My ex girlfriend of 5 months broke up with on October 9, 2019. I believe it was more of a circumstantial breakup since she is under a lot of stress with her teenage daughter and she also suffers from anxiety disorder. She felt that she could no longer focus on our relationship and needed to pay closer attention to her daughter, getting a job, and other priorities in her life. I told her that I had been supportive of her priorities and would do more to give her more space if needed. She agreed I had been supportive and she had tried to give time to everyone in her life but she felt like she was falling short and was overwhelmed.

I did not argue or beg. I did not think that Seinfeld episode would do any good. The one that Seinfeld and one of his girlfriends go round and round for hours talking about minute details of their relationship. And end up spending the night because it got scary dark outside.

She did break up with me in person at my apartment. That was respectful. When she texted me if I was home and if she could come over, I sensed she was going to break up with me since she had never done that before. We always call each other first to make arrangements to go to each other’s place. I packed up all her stuff including her fan before she arrived.

After we talked, I got up and grabbed her stuff and gave it to her. Her jaw dropped and said,”How did you know?” I told her,”I am not dumb and have strong intuition. Something I should have relied more on during the time we dated. Thanks for the fun times.” Then she walked out of my apartment.

I texted her right away. Not to beg. But to tell her I understand what she said. I went on to tell her that I hope her daughter feels better soon and that she finds happiness, too. I thanked her for the good times and being a great girlfriend. Told her that may be some day after time and healing, we could talk again from time to time. Ended text with Yours truly, me. She did not respond to that text.

The next day in the late afternoon, she sends me a long text updating me on her daughter, which I was relieved to hear that it was not as grave situation as she thought but would still need to take time and give extra care for her daughter via in-home treatment. She went on to say that she wished she could be better at dealing with her stress and be better at relationships. She hoped one day she could handle a relationship but needed to work on her now. She also stated that she is sorry that things had to end between us. She thanked me for being a patient and thoughtful boyfriend. She hoped I would not think she is the crazy ex girlfriend. She went on to list all the good memories and told me she will always remember them and hoped I would, too.

I texted her back within an hour and thanked her for letting me know about her daughter. I thanked her again for being a great girlfriend and that I hoped that we could talk again some day. Ended the text with Take care.

At that point after sending the text, I decided to go into No Contact.

Two days later on October 12 at 11:00 pm, she sent me a medium length text. She told me about a mutual friend who I lent a piece of equipment for a race and how well he did at his race that day. She went on to say she would get the equipment, wash it, and drop it off when convenient. She then stated that she thought that I would like to know about an up and coming runner. Ended the message with Take care.

I did not reply to that text and have not contacted her since October 10th. So going on 15 days of NC.

She has been texting some of my close friends asking them random things not related to me. One of those close friends thinks that my EX overreacted and that he feels that she just needed some space to clear her head, a break from me and our relationship, but not to break things off totally. He may or may be right. But sticking to No Contact.

My ideal hope is that if she agrees it was a circumstantial breakup and that there are good things about our relationship that we can get back together but definitely modify our behaviors to make it work. But may be we can end up being friends. She does need a lot of emotional support right now and even though she choose to break up with me, I feel like she could still use a friend. Or nothing at all. We go our separate ways forever. I am aware of the possible outcomes. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching and improving myself over these past two weeks. I have gotten back to my long distance run training and downhill skiing. I have spent more time with my dog. I reconnected with many friends and socialize as much as I can. I have meditated everyday. I continue to eat healthy. The extra time not dating or spending time with her, I have added more sleep time. I have reconnected with my old therapist and will start seeing her next week. There are quite a few unresolved emotional issues I need to work on that I hope will make me a better partner and feel more comfortable being in a long-term intimate relationship.

I am tempted to contact my EX now since I do not feel emotionally charged and I genuinely want to know how her daughter and her are doing. Noting serious. Keep it casual. See what happens. She has a lot of pride and is quite stubborn. So I doubt if she thinks she made a mistake and overreacted that she would share that with me or at least wait awhile to tell me. And in reality, she probably thought she did the right thing for her and her daughter. I respect that but it just doesn’t seem right that our relationship was good and we got along really well. No fights, but that is probably because we both concealed our thoughts from time to time as not to hurt the other person. If there is a next round, I will for sure be more open about my feelings and thoughts and let her know when I feel she is out of line.

QUESTION: Should I keep to the 21 day No Contact Rule I am shooting for? I am at 15 days of NC.