June 17, 2020 at 1:55 am #115190
My ex girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me via text almost a month ago. I’m 46 and she’s 39. I met her on a dating site. She’s a devoted Christian woman. She was a 33 year old virgin when I met her and she wanted to wait for marriage to have sex. I had no problem with that. I respected her decision. About six months into the relationship she gave me her virginity. I did propose to her after 4 years of being together but she wasn’t ready at the time to get married. I was hurt but we continue on with the relationship.
She wanted to have kids. Her family are very religious so her mom didn’t approve of our relationship especially since I’ve been married and divorced before. I divorced my ex wife because she wasn’t faithful. So my now ex girlfriend and I fell in love and tried to have a kid because we’re getting old and I have no kids. We had a difficult time trying to conceive. She had fibroids on her uterus and had to have surgery. We were scheduled for fertility treatment until this coronavirus cancelled our upcoming appointment back in April this year.
Recently she started having panic attacks and breathing problems. Her dr referred her to a pulmonary specialist.
I get a text from her a month ago saying she needs to get right back with God and she doesn’t want to to have sex before marriage anymore or anything. She said she’s scared she’ll die in sin and go to hell. I asked her if this her way of ending our relationship. She said this is her way of getting right with God. She said I did nothing wrong and if I care about her her I’d understand.
I tried to contact her but she won’t respond or talk to me. I’ve been in no contact for a month now.
I’m broken hearted and I’m concerned about her health. Is there a chance I’ll ever hear from her again? Should I move on with my life?June 17, 2020 at 3:20 am #115194
@roadhog95 Did you have children with your ex-wife? Were you and the ex-girlfriend having periodic sex (except for the first 4 months) during the entire duration of the relationship? Why did you wait 4 years to propose and did she give you reasons as to why she wasn’t she ready to get married?
You wrote:”I get a text from her a month ago saying she needs to get right back with God and she doesn’t want to to have sex before marriage anymore or anything”. Okay, then why didn’t you two continue to see each other, but just not have sex??
You say you’re concerned about her health, but did she have any tests as relates to panic attacks or breathing problems and let you know the results or what the doctor advised?
Apparently it’s only been about a month since last contact, so don’t give up yet.June 17, 2020 at 9:53 am #115196
@patricia12, no I didn’t have children with my ex-wife. I had a stepdaughter. My ex wife couldn’t have anymore children. Yes my ex girlfriend had sex thru out the entire relationship. We even had fertility treatment with trigger shots. We did 4 rounds of fertility treatment to help us conceive. I waited 4 years to propose because I wanted to be financially ready. I was living with an aunt at the beginning of our relationship. I’m doing a lot better financially and I’ve bought a nice home. She said it wasn’t the right time for her to get married. She wasn’t saying yes or no. I think she wasn’t ready to relocate at the time. We live in two different cities. I think she wasn’t ready to leave her church.
I don’t know why she didn’t continue to see me anymore. I told her I have no problem with no sex before marriage. She knows I want to marry her. I think her mom is making her feel guilty for dating a divorced man. Her mom thinks it’s a sin. I tried to contact my ex girlfriend but she won’t talk to me. You’re right it has only been a month. I’m giving her time and space. I’m hoping she’ll reach out to me when she’s ready.June 17, 2020 at 9:57 am #115197
@patricia12, I called to ask how is she doing and how did the dr appointment go. She won’t talk to me. I don’t understand why she just pushed me out of her life. That’s the part I don’t understand.June 17, 2020 at 3:07 pm #115198
@roadhog95 Now she wants to get right with God?? It’s very strange that she would continue to have sex with you throughout the years of the relationship when she thought it was a sin to have premarital sex! And she even went so far as to have fertility treatments.. And still she thought it wasn’t the right time to get married.. She knew her mother didn’t approve of you and yet, she continued with you for 7 years!
Were there any other problems your ex had with you??
How far apart are your cities??
When you called, did she say something or did she just hang up on you??June 17, 2020 at 4:02 pm #115199
@patricia12 No we didn’t have any other problems. It’s about a 2 hour drive apart from each other. When I called and texted she didn’t answer or respond.
I agree with you. I don’t understand how she was with me for 7 years trying to have a kid and now she doesn’t want sex before marriage anymore.
I do think that she’s scared of dying and going to hell because she’s having health issues. I think her pastor and mom convinced her to push me away. All these years we’ve been together she told me she wanted to live her own life and not let her mother control her.
Do you think I’m doing the right thing by going into no contact? I really love this woman and I want to continue the relationship. I was going to propose to her again. On the other hand I don’t want her to think I’ll wait around forever. I want to move on and get over my broken heart. I don’t want to text her because it hurts being rejected, especially since she said I did nothing wrong. I’m giving her time to work thru her issues.
@patricia12 thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and giving your advice.June 17, 2020 at 4:22 pm #115200
@roadhog95 Okay, so I’m guessing she didn’t answer the phone, but you left a voice mail and she never called you back..
Why did you choose to buy a house 2 hours away from her and her family? Is it because the house is closer to your family? Why didn’t you two look for a house together?
Her mother, pastor, and health condition might have had an influence, but it’s difficult to determine since she won’t speak with you. All very confusing!!
Yes, no contact was the right decision, but since it’s been a month of no contact, I suggest you send an email or a letter (which is more personal) via regular mail. That way, she would have more time to look at it and think over what she wants to do.June 17, 2020 at 4:36 pm #115201
@patricia12 I bought a house close to my job and all my family is here. I didn’t buy a house in her area because it’s in the deep country and the job market is poor. She doesn’t have a career in her area. I tried to convince her to move with me for a better life. She likes living in the country. I’m the bread winner so I expect her to follow my lead. She lives with her mom.
Okay, I’ll send her an email. Thank you!June 17, 2020 at 5:08 pm #115202
@roadhog95 Okay, it makes sense that you would buy a house close to your work. You say she doesn’t have a “career” in her area and lives with her mom, but does she have a job?
And very strange she wouldn’t try to make the adjustment and move with you since she was trying to have a baby with you and apparently loved you..
Good luck and be patient about any response as it might take some time to think about a reply.
PS: I might add that there might be too many irreconcilable differences and there may come a time when you need to accept she won’t be with you no matter what you say or do..
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