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Hi, I just wanna get some insight.
My ex and I broke up two years ago, but we didn’t handle it well. He dated around and then came back to me, broke up again, and finally kind of develop a “friends with benefit” relationship. Two weeks ago, my ex said we shouldn’t be in this kind of any relationship anymore. He said he has a lot of issues to deal with and he has to get himself out of the mess. He doesn’t want to involve me and hurt me again while he’s handling his issues. I agreed and we just talked like friends. But I am really silly to ask him if he can share what happen in his life with me (i haven’t read Kevin’s website at that time). He kept his promise and told me that he is seeing someone new a few days before. It was then I read Kevin’s website and decided to apply NC.
Actually I think NC can really help me to calm down and think what I want for my life and relationship. I am also not sure if I wanna get back with him at the moment. But I know I have a soft spot for him and if he contacts me, I may reply him.
So I really need to plan what I should do if he contacts me, so that I can just follow my plan by the time and won’t make the same mistake again. I just wanna ask if it’s alright to tell him that I need time and space at the moment? Should I explain a bit more what I’m feeling? I don’t want him to feel like I was fooling him, that one moment I ask him to share everything with me and the next moment I ask him to stay away…After all, even I don’t wanna get back with him in the end, I still want us to be friends.
Any advice is really appreciated. Thanks!
Hi mhyy,
If he tries to contact you, you can reply to him but don’t get too personal like a very close friend or a girlfriend. Keep your conversations short and if you feel like it’s going to become an emotional talk, cut it immediately by saying you need to do something or go somewhere. But remember to always sound positive and happy, don’t sound like you’re a snob. Just talk comfortably with some distance.
mhyy,
You should apply not contact. Ideally, you should not reply to him. It’s not really impolite compared to breaking up with you and hurting your emotions. If he insisted, tell him that you need time and space to sort out things and deal with the breakup, and this is exactly why you are doing NC.
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