She broke up with me one month ago today

Hello,

My ex girlfriend (20) broke up with me (also 20) one month ago today. It was a really hard breakup on both of us. We both cried several times on the phone and in person. We broke up due to some serious incompatibilities (that aren’t really incompatibilities – I just was scared of opening up…) we would fight over the same issues, because I never put effort into fixing them. She would cry a lot. We were together officially for 10 months, but started hooking up after meeting on tinder for over one year. I didn’t really want to enter a relationship, however she did.

Anyways, as the story goes…begged, pleaded, cries, became needy. All unattractive. Her last straw was me dropping flowers chocolate and a cringe letter in her mailbox. I knew it was a bad idea but I had external pressure from a girl to do it. So, she blocked me. On everything. No response to any of what I sent her. I figured were done for good at this point, and ya da ya da.

Anyways, I tried to reach out on Facebook and say “hey can we just have an honest discussion about my actions?” Blocked.

A few days ago, I sent an email saying I’m sorry in the least emotional way possible. I even included “I’ve forgiven myself, and I expect no response and await no further communication.” 2 hours after sending the email she unblocked my number. “Hi, i saw your email, i really don’t want you to feel this sad and angry at yourself. i’m sorry i yelled at you the last time we talked. it probably didn’t leave you in a good state and i really just want you to be able to move on. when are you free to call?” “Yes I’m free but if you’re not comfortable we don’t have to call…I wasn’t expecting any reply…”

“ you’re saying the same
things over and over again. i get it. i understand and i forgive you. now, you need to move on and put it in the past. i don’t know why you’re still holding onto all the things you did and how you made me feel. it doesn’t matter anymore… we’re going our own separate ways so there’s no point in continuing to text me to apologize”

“I don’t understand why you think saying anything is going to change anything. We’re going our separate ways and I’ve already forgiven you.”

We call…and the call went actually really well. We got along, even laughed at my previous attempts of getting her back. Super laid-back and I’m not sure if I made a mistake by saying “I was also unhappy in the relationship, and am proud of you for ending it. I had been considering it, too for quite some time but wanted to just keep giving it another shot.” She actually became much more receptive to anything said.

Anyways, she understood where I was coming from… and I ended the call saying “ok, is there anything you would like to talk about? I’ll just listen.” And she said a few things, nothing important.

Before we got off the phone I said “well, instead of ending this call with all of the baggage, can we end it just with small talk and how we’ve been?” She agreed.

I asked her how she had been doing. Nothing overly descriptive. “I’m okay, just been doing a lot of homework on the weekends and such. It’s kind of sad actually.” I tried to pry and pry but she wouldn’t open up much.

I then decided to tell her about what I’ve been up to, even though she didn’t ask. I let her know that I bought a new car, am #2 in sales at my new job (been there a month) and she said wow! Big achievements I’m proud of you… you’ll be number one in no time!!

I said “well, I’ll let you go…it was nice talking. Glad we could clear the air. If you need anything you can give me a call.”

“Yeah, it was nice to talk. And same to you, my phones always here.”

“And by the way, I’m going to unblock you on everything. I just got angry at you and felt my privacy was being violated. But I feel bad, and I know what it’s like to be ignored. so I’m sorry, I’ll unblock you.”

Interesting thing is, she did unblock me on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and phone…but only followed me on insta. Not sure what this means to be honest. Kind of confused. I posted pics of my new car yesterday to which she didn’t like. But I did notice she posted 6 minutes after I did to her story…probably a coincidence but she lives on Instagram.

Anyways, we always fought about BLM and I’ve changed my stance entirely and am an avid supporter. I’m thinking maybe I could use this to open communication even further. Any ideas if this is productive? We fought a lot about it and I don’t want her to think I’m only saying these things to her as a way to get back together.

I dunno guys, this a lost cause? It feels like it might be but on the other hand, who the hell knows.