When we started our relationship we both didn’t really want to have children. However 2 years later she started worrying that she may regret that decision. We spent a painful month trying to search for compromise but it didn’t happen and we had a mutual breakup that was incredibly tough.
Its been 3 months since the breakup and 2 months since last contact. During this time, I dove deep into why I didn’t want children and I feel it was not the best belief system to have. Since I have softened my beliefs I feel its worth reaching out to my ex to see if it changes anything.
This is my elephant in the room text. (also I’m not sure if it should be a text or email):
I hope you are well. I just wanted to let you know that a lot has happened while working on myself in this time apart. I think that breakup was the best decision for both of us at the time. After accepting the breakup it also allowed me to deeply consider what I really want. At least I could do it with no resentment with whatever is learned.
I worked a bit on my mental and emotional resilience which is something I wanted to tackle for personal reasons, since I realised it was the driving force behind my decisions and perspective. I did some reading and exercises which I will probably continue to do forever as they’re an immense help.
This got me thinking about children and where my perspective came from. I couldn’t really peg it down but it seemed to be tied to my resilience and a heightened nervous system called Sensory Processing Sensitivity. I did more reading (including that Baby Decision book you started and also suggested). And therapy.
It wasn’t a straightforward path. My position on children has softened. Which seems kind of crappy given if I knew then what I know now, maybe a lot of heartache could have been spared.
That being said, I wonder how you’ve settled into your new place?. Even after all that happened, I miss speaking with you and sharing things with you. I hope that we can be in each other’s lives. If you are not comfortable with that, I completely understand.”