Boards No Contact Rule Not sure of NC situation

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  • #114866
    brand
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    • Total Posts: 2

    I’m a 20 year old male, had been dating a 19 year old female for 14 months. We go to the same college, and also participate in pretty much the same activities. Our future plans seem to line up very well and we’re emotionally close. However, after it was announced that our college would be shutting down after spring break, things got weird.
    We both had to return for a week as our jobs (we worked in the same facility) were considered essential. During that week we stayed in my apartment, all seemed well. When we weren’t at work we had little stay-in date nights watching movies, playing board games or cooking together. We had gone through a little bit of a rough patch during the summer of 2019, and had worked together to get to a much better place, mutually agreeing that we were in a much better place than where we were a few months ago. After that week at work, I had to stay on campus and she went home. She only lives about an hour away so it’s not like it was long distance. Things were fine and normal for a week and then all of a sudden she became really quiet and distant. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to continually ask and aggravate her. Fast forward a few more days and she breaks up with me. In the course of about 10 days we went from being in a really solid place to breaking up and my head is still kind of spinning.
    She did have the decency to drive back to campus to talk to me in person. She said that she was not in a good emotional place and didn’t think she could handle a relationship right now. She also said she still loved and cared about me. We both shed some tears, I pleaded with her to not leave, but then realized she had her mind made up. She called me the night after in tears saying she made a mistake, and that she didn’t want to break up. We agreed that we’d spend time apart this summer to let her get right mentally, and for me to work on myself too. All seemed okay. Again told me she loves me.
    That was about a month ago. About a week ago I sent a generic “hey, hope all is well” text and never got a reply. She’s deleted about half of her pictures with me on social media. I’ve accepted that this truly is a break up, but I’m worried about my NC time. We won’t be back to school until late August, about 4 months from now. I know the recommended NC time is up to 90 days, and I’m worried that 100+ is going to be too long. However, I don’t necessarily want to start trying to contact her before we’re able to readily see eachother. I really do want the best shot at getting her back, because our relationship truly was great, and I can see a lot of great potential in a new long term relationship with her

    #114892
    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2868

    @brand You wrote:”.. she didn’t want to break up. We agreed that we’d spend time apart this summer to let her get right mentally, and for me to work on myself too”. Did she give you suggestions as to what you need to do for self improvement??

    Even though she broke up with you, she said she made a mistake. You two talked and all seemed okay. But then she doesn’t respond to your text and deleted some pictures on social media. This is mysterious, but maybe not being in a good emotional state and not ready for a relationship right now had something to do with it.

    You’ve done well so far by not nagging/pressuring her! Give her time and don’t contact her for about a month. If you wait longer than that, she will think you don’t care (especially during this COVID-19 pandemic) Then instead of texting, call her on the phone to ask how she’s doing.

    Good luck:)

    #114893
    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2868

    @brand Can you describe the rough patch during the summer of 2019? How was it resolved?

    Maybe that situation is also in the back of her mind..

    #114896
    brand
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2

    I had to travel a lot for my internship, so it was hard for both of us with me being gone for 3 or more weeks at a time, and working 10 hour days while I was gone. We had a long conversation about communication and how we’d handle such situations in the future. She didn’t specifically give me any instructions to work on, but I know what I can work on that would make me a better partner in a relationship.

    #114898
    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2868

    @brand Okay, glad you two worked through the travel situation:)

    Continue no contact and good luck..

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