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Boards No Contact Rule NC long-distance relationship

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  • #115105
    • Total Posts: 2

    My boyfriend decided to break up with me around 3 weeks ago, because I became mad at him for not showing compassion when I lost a big job opportunity (he barely replied “okay”). I got so angry that I started insulting him (which was totally wrong).

    I am actually a European lady who used to live in India for 2 years. He is Indian. We already used to have a lot of fights because he mostly prioritizes his friends. We always managed to solve everything because I am the type of girls he needs: I give him personal space, I always go Dutch (which is not so common in India!), I let him go running early morning (5am) and we both don’t want kids (very scarce in India!). He made some efforts. However, due to the surge of Covid-19 cases in India, I had to leave the country all of a sudden. I was anyway planning to leave…but leaving him this way all of a sudden (in a few hours only) was totally heartbreaking. I saw him crying. We were in a long distance relationship since I left India. I wanted to find a solution to be together again.

    He broke up saying we are not the right match for each other, that we have too many fights and he cannot take it anymore. He wants peace. I was desperate, I cried a lot, then started NC…but broke it after 10 days. We had a few phone calls. He suggested that he could become my best friend. Then I restarted NC without informing him. Meanwhile almost all his flatmates have left the flat. So he must be alone. It’s been 5 days now. He has sent me a couple of emails (please reply. Why don’t you reply to my emails or calls?…). I ignored him and didn’t even open his emails as he tracks them… Then today, he sent me another email “I understand that you need space from me now. I’m sorry for being an asshole to you. Have a good life. Take care.” Last night, I saw that he posted a story on Instagram “what should I do now? Tell me”. I am pretty sure he misses me a lot, but I don’t know what I should do.

    • Total Posts: 2823

    @Aastha33 How long was the relationship? Were you living together? How long ago did you leave India?

    You got mad because he didn’t show compassion when you lost a job ‘opportunity’. Did you have a job at the time? Guys usually don’t get overly dramatic about such things. They take lost ‘opportunities’ with a grain of salt thinking there will be another opportunity in the future. Guys hate arguments (no matter how small) and if there are too many, resentments build up.

    You wrote:”He broke up saying we are not the right match for each other, that we have too many fights and he cannot take it anymore”. Then he suggested being friends. I’m assuming you started no contact because you don’t want a friendship, but instead wanted him to reconsider his decision and reconcile with you…

    Since he’s the one who broke up with you and he then sent emails, why didn’t you reply?

    I suggest you reply to emails and find out what he has to say.

    • Total Posts: 17

    Hi, sorry to hear that you have been in a breakup.

    I think the essential take away from this is that if HE has reached out to you then you ought to reply.

    All the best,

    • Total Posts: 2

    I am not able to control my emotions. I keep on crying and I don’t think it is a good thing to let him know I am totally down. When we communicate, I always expect him to reply, which hurts me a lot. If I stick by him, how would he realize how important I am to him? Maybe I am wrong.

    We were in a relationship for one year and a half. I left India two months and a half ago.

    When we discussed last week, he keeps on saying we are not meant to be together as it was written I was going to leave India, there are too many cultural differences between us, he said he wants to be single for a long time now to see what he did wrong and to avoid any feeling of “attachment”. I know I have hurt him a lot.

    At the same moment, he lost a big job opportunity too. He told me he was devastated. I tried to be understanding, at least to show that I was listening to him (unlike him).

    I am still working, but the conditions are not good at all. He even pushed me to leave the company. I have been looking for another job for 6 months. He knows I am in a tough situation, especially now with this Covid-19.

    Should I keep doing NC or reply to him?

    • Total Posts: 2823

    @Aastha33 Did you live together? Two things that stick out to me is that you said you let him go running. Maybe a poor choice of words, but let him, sounds like you’re in charge of his activities. And you expect him to reply..

    Breakups are sad, especially for the one who was dumped. I’m sure he knows you’re upset so there’s no need to play games to hide it, but try to get some semblance of control if you’re speaking on the phone.

    I think you should reply to his email, but don’t initiate any..

    He sounds adamant about keeping the breakup and apparently he has his own good reasons. Therefore you should think about accepting it and don’t try to talk him into changing his mind.

    Maybe over time he will reconsider, but for now, you should be pleasant and understanding of what he has to say and don’t argue!

    • This reply was modified 6 months ago by Avatarpatricia12.
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