January 14, 2016 at 3:10 pm #57893
She broke up with me 6 weeks ago, because i became clingy and focused on posession instead of true emotional connection like we had at the beginning. I first wrote her a message of apology of all the things i did wrong, which got a good response initally. Then,i planned to go into a period of NC.
However, lately i became desperate with the time and began spamming my ex, begging her with messages, promising that i’ll “change” even though through my behavior it was clear that i didn’t change that much. I even started to compare myself to another ex of hers and asked what did he do that i didn’t.
Finally, a few days ago, her and her friend said to me the rough truth that i need to move on. So i made one last apology and i let her go.
But i just don’t want to close the door on this completely, i’ll go into NC to move on with my life but somewhere in my heart i still have this wish that things can work out someday.
Will No contact still work after begging and pleading?
Edit: I just read this article by kevin.
I feel pretty confident about all of this now. It really helped put things in perspective. I am going to follow the 5 Stages Game plan mentioned in that article.January 23, 2016 at 10:48 pm #58365
It should, I think. I begged and pleaded for two days, and a week later, my ex tells me thank you for making me a better person, etc. Then I was thinking omg he has feelings for me, and I professed my love, stupidly, and he said i see you as a friend, i lost feelings for you, and stuff. If you read my story (its long, so i dont want to spam you 🙂 ), you will see that he cheated on me, and during the time he was, he even asked me to marry him.
I deleted him from instagram, after he wanted a break, and 3 weeks later he adds me back today. I haven’t seen him in 3 weeks and im not doing NC. I have no plans to get him back, actually, If he wants me, he can change, and prove it to me. Im just focusing on bettering myself. Finding that confidence and happiness and proving to myself that I dont need anyone to make me happy. I haven’t talked to him in a week, simply bc if i do, it hurts. After everything he has done to me, I still haven’t lost an ounce of love for him, and I think about him all the time, wondering how he is doing, if he is ok, and miss him, and I still see my future with him bright and clear. But, I dont trust him anymore. And i dont feel that connection i felt toward him, that even though we arent in each other’s sight, we are somehow still connected type connection.
So what I am saying is that no contact after begging and pleading does work. this time, my friend, please be strong, and stick to it 🙂
I believe in you and NC will help you act out of self love rather than feelings. It is your feelings that wants things to work out. But does your self love think that things can really work out? NC will help you gain clarity. If you foucs on becoming a happy and confident person, nothing will bring you down. NC will help you accept the situation, and it will liberate you.
I hope it helps, and I would really appreciate a male’s perspective on my situation 🙂
Good luck and I hope things work out for all of us! The fact that we are here, tells a lot about our character, that is, we dont give up. So many poeple give up on dreams, school, jobs, etc, including love, but we dont 🙂 We fight for what we want, I know we are all strong enough to become better and learn from our experiences because we have the support of caring strangers 🙂 I am so depresssed, I still cant eat, sleep or focus on school, but no one knows. I keep a happy face for my family, friends, classmates, and work. I let it off all on here and Ill be going counseling to hekp me cope so I can focus on school.
I think we will all be fine with time 🙂 Time does heal all 🙂January 24, 2016 at 10:26 pm #58409
Thank you, you are definitely right. So many tell us to give up on something, including love, but we won’t go down without a fight. 🙂
I think you should continue like this, just keep on focusing on yourself, not just for him but for your own sake. However, i can feel that you still have alot of sorrow deep inside, and i want you to know that it’s okay to speak about those bad feelings to the people you trust, like close friends and family members. It will still hurt inside but it will be much better if you do so. If he does talk to you someday soon, for whatever reason, i think you should only respond if you’re in a emotionally stable state, that would be alot better for reconnecting with each other. 🙂
One more question i would like to ask you, if it’s okay, what if i was with my ex for about 4 months, will NC still do good? But i know the relationship wasn’t a rebound because in the past i did see someone who was using me as rebound and i know all the signs of it.January 24, 2016 at 10:44 pm #58410
yes I think NC would be ok. When I was in my relationship I did NC within 3 weeks of being in my relationsip. I did NC for a week, because he said I work out, and I like to show off my body to people, and it hurt me so much. We go to the same school, and after a week he cornered me, and was ready to do anything to get me back. So it worked when we were just 3 weeks into it. He already said I love you 2 weeks ago, so I guess that helped, in my case.
I truly think that NC makes you foget the bad things, and makes you remember the good things. For example, living in your parents house, obviously you have restriction, like dont bring a girl at night and stuf. And when you move out, you find this new found freedon, and htink omg this is soo much better than living with my parents. But with time you will forget about those restrictions, and start thinking all of those postive things they did for you 🙂 Like your mom probably took really good care for you when you’re sick.
SO I dod belive NC works, but you cant just do NC, contact them, and expect to get her back obvisuly. You will need to build a freinship with her, then become more than friends
So since my ex cheated on me should I give him a second chance? I havent lost an ounce of love for him, and I know I will always love him. But I dont trust him anymore, and I never will. He broke me to pieces and I know I will never heal 100%.
I dont have close freinds, and I am not close to my family, so I cant really tell them what happened. I know they wont comfort me, and as needy as this sounds, I want to be comforted, and told everything will be ok :'(January 25, 2016 at 6:38 pm #58438
He did in fact cheat on you, i can understand that you still love him, but your ex did what he did and you can’t just forgive things like that.
It’s hard to find the right thing to do when someone you love hurts you so badly…
In your case, i think one of the reasons why you still love him equally, it’s because since you don’t have much close friends, you relied too much on him, and he was the only one that you could actually trust.
Did he do other things to hurt you other than the cheating? I can’t speak for him, but personally if i love someone truely, i would never cheat on them or do anything to intentionally hurt them, and i think it should be the same for everyone.
So before you take him back or not, you should work on becoming more emotionally stable again, and be able to think with the logical side of your brain instead of the emotional side. Go hangout with friends(i know everyone says this), or reconnect with old friends, yes it’s just not the same as being with the one you love but it will help you heal the wound to decide wether or not you should give him a second chance.
Also, if you do ever give him another chance, make sure to start things slow instead of immediately jumping into his arms, that will help you actually see and feel if his love for you is still true or not, and try to rebuild that emotional connection between you two.
I wish you good luck, stay strong! 🙂January 25, 2016 at 7:07 pm #58441
I’ve been a closed up person all my life so i wouldn’t get hurt.
I have a formal relationship with my family. We are not close or lovey dovey, but we dont have a bad relationship, and I’ve never talked to them or asked them for help. And i cant just now.
I have school friends for study sessions but I’m not close to them. I’m not close to anyone, really because I’m so busy trying to make a future for myself.
I’m considering therapy. I’ve loved him for 3 years and am who i am because of him. It hurts.
I decided i wont date anymore. I just want marriage, and will go out with the man I’ll marry.
Every thing reminds me of him. And its worse because I’ve never let me gaurd down or been vulnerable in my life. I’m very independent and try my best to never ask for help. I put myself in the most vulnerable position for him and it destroyed me. He was the only man that saw somehting in me beside my looks. Every guy that has wanted me so far couldnt get passed my looks or body. They try hang out with me get to know me and the moment they see I’m driven and sarter than them, they bail. Sometimes i wish i was ugly and didnt have a nice body so i could find a man again that would love me for me.January 25, 2016 at 7:21 pm #58443
I’ll be going to counseling tomorrow because i cant focus on anything. I lost my drive and there is no one i can talk to about this.
If he wants me back, he needs to prove he changed. And I’m not going to Jump in unless he proves it. He also has to meet my parents. I wont go forward with it unless my parents agree because I’ve realized that family is always permanent. They see thay I’m broken even though i tried my best to hide it, and have been pushing them away for him. They are hanging out with me more and muy mom is making sure i eat because in lost my appetite for a week after he asked for a break. I couldnt put solid food in my mouth because it would remind me of how he would push my head down for bj.
My future was always so clear, and when he came into my life, i adjusted my future by including him in it, but now that i lost my drive, nothing is clear. He was my drive. I worked out for him n ate clean so my body looked nice for him, worked hard at school so we can build a good future togehter.
He hurt me when he used to stay stuff like do you workout tonshow your body to other people? But we talked about it and it was resolved. He would pull down my clothes and stuff to hide my body and i didnt like that.
He did treated me like a queen with his words and actions moat of the time. He took the best care of me when i got sick and fainted. No one not even my mom took that good care of me. When i had no makeup on he looked at me like i was the most beutiful person in the world. He would say it too.
Most people dont treat me very nicely. Girls compete with me too much to the point where i have no female friends, and guys are friendly until they seee my drive and competitive edge. I can only say i have 3 guy frinds but they aren’t close to me. He was honestly my everything. My rock.
If you read my story you’ll see that he gives up easily and it hurts me too. He gave up on school. 4 months later on me. Then a week later on his familyJanuary 27, 2016 at 10:10 pm #58538
It seems that in the beginning he was a good support to you through your everyday life. However, i’m not sure about his possessive actions and attitudes. It’s possible that he was insecure about his own life so he became like that, afraid to lose you and holding you too tight.
But if he was indeed only doing those because he loved you and didn’t want you to leave him for another, then he wouldn’t have cheated on you.
However, we all make mistakes.
Also, he shouldn’t be giving up that easily on things, not just relationships, because then he’ll be losing too much and that will affect both you and him emotionally and for the future. He needs a good support to keep on going in life.
It’s hard for me to say about this. Only you can tell if he’s true, you have to see it for yourself if he still really loves you or not.
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