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Boards Reconciliation I messed up..now I need EXPERT advice

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #115776
    Avatarfrostjack123
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    Hey there,

    So I contacted an ex about 2 months after a breakup. She replied that she would be interested in talking. She said she would contact me in about a week, as she was busy with school and the GRE and whatnot. I waited 3 weeks. I text her asking if she was still wanting to meet, no reply. The next day I asked her again. I was very tired and for some stupid reason, I let my anger get the best of me and I told her that I’d seen her true colors and that I’d go back to dating nurses (I knew this would push her buttons). It was a really stupid decision, but I just felt like shit after I felt that she’d blown me off. She replied that she was glad that she didn’t waste her time explaining why she dumped me.

    The time we were dating was great, and I legitimately want to find out why she dumped me. If I had the chance to get back with her, I would like to if it’s something fixable. I just don’t know if I messed up my chances with her permanently. I played it cool for almost 3 months, then messed things up. Should I give it more time and then give her a call? I don’t think she’ll reply to my texts at this point. Thank you,

    J

    #115777
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2852

    @frostjack123 You not only want to find out why she dumped you, but you’re hoping for reconciliation. Yes, you messed up, but all is not lost. I agree that you should give it more time (maybe 3 weeks) and then call her. Good luck:)

    #115779
    Avatarfrostjack123
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    Patricia12,

    Thank you for the advice, that gives me hope :). I’ll follow up once I finally do reach out. How do I figure out why she broke up with me? I have a couple of ideas about why she did it so abruptly, but I don’t know for sure. In my mind, the only way of knowing for sure is to ask her. Thanks!

    #115787
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2852

    @frostjack123 What are your ideas? Yes, to be sure you’ll need to ask her..

    #115788
    Avatarfrostjack123
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    Patricia,

    I’m not exactly sure, I got some mixed messages. She was very busy with school and we had some talks about boundaries, but mostly it ended up being misunderstandings. Like she would text me after I had gone to bed and she would think I was being petty and not texting her back. Stuff like that was usually resolved.

    I’m don’t exactly know if I made her feel secure in the relationship. I talked about exes probably more than I should have, and I actually went on a date with her friend before we ever met. This was usually a joke between us though…maybe I gave her the impression that I was a player. The night before we broke up she told me that I didn’t give her good enough compliments, and that I should think of her more than just her body. I had actually told her that I loved her for the first time about a week before the breakup, and we had an argument because he didn’t think I was being authentic, and I had to explain that I was.

    Anyway, those were some of the issues that got between us. To be honest, I think I was a better communicator than her, and I was always willing to listen to her…so it’s frustrating to try and figure it out.

    It’s been almost three weeks, I’ll give her a call soon. I’m just not exactly sure what my message should be at this point. Wanting closure? Or wanting to talk? I wouldn’t get back with her unless I thought we could actually resolve those issues. Thanks for reading!

    #115790
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2852

    @frostjack123 Wow, talking too much about exes was a big mistake!! Never do that again.. Somehow you need to convince her that you’re not a player, you’re not a liar, and that you want a serious relationship with only her. Explain that you always text back when you get the chance. Give her compliments that have to do with her intelligence, kindness, and etc. Yes, you should ask to talk about why she broke up with you and what you can do to fix it.

    These are some of the things to consider and discuss when you call her:)

    #115791
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2852

    PS: Never say something in anger that you would regret later!

    #115792
    Avatarfrostjack123
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 7

    Patricia,

    Well I gave her a call. I think she blocked my number but I wasn’t sure. I was curious so I disguised my number and I left a message. I said basically I was still curious about her explanation, and even if it’s something she thinks I don’t want to hear, I’ll listen. I also said I wouldn’t get mad, and explained that I should never have reacted the way I did. I asked her to call back.

    It is hard. Things ended so abruptly and I feel like one human mistake ruined my chances. Thank you anyway

    #115796
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2852

    @frostjack123 I hope she calls back and if she does, please post the outcome. If she doesn’t, at least you know the mistakes not to make in the future with a different girl! Don’t talk about exes unless the girl asks and then make it brief. Give compliments about her beauty and kindness, keep sexy comments to a minimum. Always be honest! Never say anything unkind that you might regret. And don’t jump into a serious relationship until you both know each other for some time..

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