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I left my 13 year marriage on July 2/14 for a myriad of reasons but the biggest being broken trust. We were together for 18 years and a lot of crappy things can happen over that length of time. We have 2 children together, as well as own a house etc… When I left the marriage he badgered me so much when I needed space to learn about my needs, desires, hopes and dreams for the future. He would constantly ask if I what he was supposed to be doing and my response was to work on himself and eventually I just said move on. And so he did. He met someone and started dating her by early august and by the beginning of September they were “in a relationship” and are currently living together. It has been four and a half months that we have been separated. I have personally been seeing a counselor to work on myself and figure out what my issues are. I have also had a short term relationship with another man that ended for circumstantial reasons. But over the course of the past 2 months I have been rethinking my decision to separate and I would like to reconcile and work on my marriage. But he is living with another woman and they both profess love for each other, and he still tells me he loves me also. We had physical relations this weekend when he came to the house to spend time with the kids. He knows I want him to come back home but says he’s confused and it will not happen right away. He says he cannot get over the fact that I have had sex with another man. For the past few weeks he had been constantly telling me that he could never touch me again knowing I had been with someone else and that he could never love me the same. But we slept in the same bed with arms around each other all night and had sexual relations. And after breakfast he kissed me and the kids goodbye and he drove “home” to her. He keeps asking why I want him back as though there will be some magic answer that will win him over. But there isn’t one particular reason. There are many, and they mostly have to do with my own growth over the past few months. I’ve explained I am fully prepared to do the necessary couples counseling that we should have done years ago as getting back together, and getting past what has happened will be hard work. He says positive things, tells me he misses me and what we had, but says I broke him and he is not sure he can come back from it.
Any thoughts?So why is it that you want him back? You need really think about that…
sometimes when we see that our ex was able to move on, we experience feelings of regret and that is normal, but is not necessarily a good reason to go back.Also you need to be careful about having sex with him, this will only cloud your judgement.
And just because you love someone does not mean you should be with them. Sometimes you can never stop loving them and that is okay, especially someone who you were with for such a long time.
I too was married for 13 years and it took me a long time to realize that I was never going to stop loving my ex, and had to make peace with it. But rationally I knew we could not be together, the relationship was very unhealthy and he could not make the changes he needed to make so we could be together.
Take care!
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