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Boards Reconciliation I don’t think I have a chance anymore….

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  • #115528
    Avatarsabinacheng
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1

    Hi everyone
    I’ve bought the advanced course, and tried my luck commenting in the main page but to no luck.
    I really don’t think I have a chance anymore.

    My ex and I were together for 5 years. We broke up a little over 2 years ago.
    Our relationship had issues (obviously) and I was overseas looking after my dad after brain surgery while he was in another country working out a business deal. So he broke up with me over the phone.
    The awkward thing is… we worked together and so the next morning, I was on a conference call with him and everyone else the next morning. Anyway it was tough, but he seemed fine with it all and I worked through it pretending I was ok, and work people did not even know we had broken up (I had gotten good at separating work and personal).

    Anyway a year later, I had finished up at his company, they had sold the business and a bunch of us had decided to start a new business venture. A lot of people find it strange I choose to work with him again, but if I take emotion aside, he is an excellent strategist and very good at business which is why I agreed.

    We are part of the management team and we speak regularly and see each other at least once a week.

    Anyway, this is getting too long winded. The main reason I think I no longer have a chance is about a year after we broke up, he started seeing a woman from the Philippines and they would fly to Europe, London, Asia and Australia for their relationship. We somehow did “no contact” by chance between Nov – January only because he was on leave (travelling on holidays).

    This whole time though, he never told me he was dating anyone and told me all his travelling was with his son.

    When he finally got back to normal life (and in the same country as me), we actually got good at being friends. I was sad at times and he told me he could never be with me again emotionally because of how hurt he was.

    Shortly after this, I found out that he had a girlfriend (someone shared something on social media). I tried to ignore it and pretended it didn’t happen. I think she’s stuck in the Philippines because of COVID.

    We still hang out because we are still friends and care about each other and we even celebrated his birthday together with some other friends. When at his house, we saw some candles and I teased him about them and he said the concierge of his apartment had organised a cake for him. In reality, his girlfriend had actually ordered it online for him.

    Since then thought I’ve tried to chat to him less and tried to do no contact (unless initiated) but he just seems so preoccupied.

    He enjoys his time by himself and I think he has since broken up with his girlfriend (she has become a cyber bully to me another story for another day but he doesn’t know). So I figured, maybe I have a chance but how he has treated me is less close than what we were a few months ago.

    Do you guys think maybe I have missed my window?

    #115533
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2787

    @sabinacheng I assume you’ve known the guy about 7 years (5 together + 2yrs since he broke up with you).

    he told me he could never be with me again emotionally because of how hurt he was.

    What were the exact “issues” during the relationship?? Please explain your part and his..

    You say you’re good friends, so couldn’t you just ask him if he’s still in a relationship with the other girl? Also maybe her bully messages (on social media) might give you a clue.. I suggest you stop looking at her social media or block her from yours.

    You’re wondering if you missed your “window”, but if he was interested in dating you or reconciling, he would have done it by now. Apparently he’s not pursing you in a romantic way, so maybe think about dating someone else.

    Possibly reconciling would depend on whether or not he’s still in a relationship with the other girl and if you two can have a calm discussion about what went wrong and how to fix it, that is if he shows any interest in doing so..

    Good luck.

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