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Boards Reconciliation Getting an Ex Back – Short Term Relationship

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #115694
    Avatarnj2nvguy
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    My ex-girlfriend recently broke up with me (12/22), after a 3 month relationship. We met at work, I’m a teacher, and she’s a teacher’s aide, and in nursing school. We went on three magical dates, and on the third date (9/26), I asked her to become exclusive and she obliged. Our first month of dating was straight out of a fairy tale, you really couldn’t script a chick flick any better. Our intimacy was through the roof as well. She told me she was falling for me, and it’s the best month she’d had in a long time, and looked forward to many more months with me. Then, the bad luck, and timing came. We both have a child that we see Mon-Fri. So, Saturday is our only day to see each other. One thing after the next came up, she drowned her phone, so there was no way of us getting in contact on that Saturday, she had mid-term exams on a Saturday, then she got Covid, so two more weeks there. Further, Thanksgiving weekend we were with our families, and then the most bizarre of them all-cellular issues, where she and I weren’t receiving texts and calls, so we thought we stood each other up. The next morning we screenshotting our texts that we sent and therefore understood. We then talked on the phone and she mentioned that the relationship isn’t fair to me. The stars would have to align for that cell phone problem to happen. Also, due to Covid, the school in which we work at was closed to all personnel, so we had to work from home. Could not even see her at work. So realistically, we didn’t see each other for 2 months, basically becoming a long distance relationship. She started becoming distant and then texted me the break-up. “I don’t have the time to give you. You’re an amazing man, I wish you nothing but the best.” We talked later that night, and I asked her if it was me? And she said absolutely not, she had too much going on her life with nursing school, full-time job, and full time mom. I do remember her saying throughout the relationship how hard it was to spend quality time with her son. I asked her if in the future, if your life is easier, can we try this again. She replied by saying, “I was going to ask you the same thing, but I didn’t feel it was appropriate because I’m the one ending it.” She also said that we can be friends and still hang out, and to keep in touch. I agreed to be her friend. I’m having the hardest time with this one because I know she was the girl for me, and it slipped away because of bad luck and bad timing. I went No Contact for 3 days and I sent her a text wishing her a Merry Christmas (3 days after the breakup), and she replied back wishing me the same. How do I approach this to getting her back? I know time is not on my side, but I don’t want to come across as needy. Thank you everyone for your time and help. Good luck to all.

    #115697
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2842

    @nj2nvguy Sounds like you each have custody of your respective child and the exes have them on weekends. I’m also assuming both children are very young? What confuses me is that if the relationship was serious, at some point you could all be together some days during the week.. Nursing school alone would most likely consume most of her time along with studying. How did she manage going to nursing classes (babysitter for her child?) and working as an aide at your school? Therefore, I’m not sure why she would add to her busy schedule by being a teacher’s aid? The only thing I can think of is that she needed money for living expenses..

    How is being a friend any different (time-wise) from being in a relationship? Did she have any issues with you during the relationship?

    Seems like when the virus is under control through the majority of people getting the vaccine, time spent with her could go back to how it was, but apparently she felt that wasn’t enough. If she really wanted to stay in the relationship, the two of you could have discussed how it would be possible to spend more time together! But, nursing school is no doubt her priority at this time and she has to devote her time and energy to doing the best she can to graduate. Sounds like she’s 1/2 through the nursing program, but how many more years until she graduates??

    In the meantime, just be your sweet self, but don’t pressure her for more time/closeness. I don’t think no contact will change her mind about wanting to continue a “relationship”, so try to stay connected through texts and phone calls (actually phone calls would be better as it’s more personal).

    Good luck:)

    #115699
    Avatarnj2nvguy
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    Thank you so much for the reply! How often do you recommend texting her? Since, I won’t see her anywhere until we go back to school, there is no other way of correspondence. Thanks again!

    #115700
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2842

    @nj2nvguy I suggest contacting her about once a week through text and ask for her phone number.. After you get the phone number, alternate between calls and texts about once a week. Keep the contacts sweet and personable. Maybe ask about her studies and child etc.. Let her know what’s going on with you and your child too. Do not pressure her for reconciliation!

    You wrote:”I asked her if in the future, if your life is easier, can we try this again. She replied by saying, “I was going to ask you the same thing, but I didn’t feel it was appropriate because I’m the one ending it.” This sounds very promising:) Sometime in the future, she agreed to try again so this sounds very promising!

    Good luck:)

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Avatarpatricia12.
    #115702
    Avatarnj2nvguy
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    Thank you again! I will stick to that game plan. She also mentioned via text, “The timing was bad. Everything else was almost perfect!” I’m having a hard time interpreting the word “almost.” Do you have any thoughts? Thank you!

    #115703
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2842

    @nj2nvguy Okay, stick to the plan, but don’t call or text too often as she is very busy with school, homework, and spending time with her child.

    As to the “..almost perfect” it could mean anything, so the best way to find out is to ask her, but not right away!! After you’ve been communicating for a few weeks, you could ask her what it means.. Don’t obsess about it because it might be something minor. The main thing is that she is willing to reconnect when she is less busy and this is a very good sign:)

    #115704
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2842

    @nj2nvguy Hope you let us know of any updates to your situation:) Take care and stay safe..

    #115711
    Avatarnj2nvguy
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    Once again, thanks so much for your advice, it’s been so helpful. So here’s the latest: We’ve been texting a few times a week, as I’ve been keeping it light, friendly, and funny. She’s texted back every time. Last week I asked her if she’d like to grab some food over the weekend (this weekend). She said she’d let me know by Friday (1/15), however I didn’t hear from her until today. She wrote that she was sorry she couldn’t get back to me as her family came to visit and she was with them this weekend. She concluded by saying, “I really hope we can catch up soon!” I replied back by saying, “No problem, enjoy your time with your family. I hope we can catch up soon too!” “Maybe this weekend if you’re free.” What are you thoughts on how it is progressing? What are my next steps. Thanks so much again!

    #115712
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2842

    @nj2nvguy Sounds good so far, but as it only takes a matter of seconds to text, she could have sent you a short text on Friday to let you know her parents were visiting and it would have been the courteous thing to do..

    You wrote:”We’ve been texting a few times a week, as I’ve been keeping it light, friendly, and funny. She’s texted back every time.” Sounds like you’re the one initiating texts. I suggest you don’t text more than 1 or maybe 2 times per week because she is likely busy with her child and with studies..

    Good luck:)

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