Boards Not Your Ex Confused in what do

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  • #111462
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    My ex recently broke up with me almost two weeks ago. There had been almost constant fighting and she had expressed issues about my pot smoking(wich at the end I did agree was best, as I hard gone through many hardships due to that, also we used to smoke together at the beggining of the relationship and her parents separated us for a time until I got serious at work but then at work I began smoking again), due to this she told me she did not see a future with me because if we ever have children she did not want that as an example(she is studying to be a nurse, also she see almost no issue with drinking, wich I felt kind of hypocritic, but one thing is an addiction and another is drinking with friends on a night out, I do know that)

    After the break up and some soul searching, I do notice that I get completely absorbed into relationships when problems get going to “make it work”(Been like that since my first ex and then just gradually moved on to another, 10 years it’s been like that) In this relationship I feel I lost my identity, but I was trying so hard not to fight and to quit smoking(wich I stil am, this is a desicion I’m taking and even starting up therapist sessions to help me thread through my personal issues). Now I’m reminded that I wanted to go to Canada to start up working for an indefinite time and make money, learn new experiences and such. I’m confused if I should go after fixing myself or to try things with her again, she does seem very happy in her facebook pictures and I Would like to enhance that or share what we did have as at one point we were very united and the very spark that I first saw in her(hard working, never giving up) I lost it due to my never worked on security in myself. So… I don’t know if I should work on myself and move and try to move on, or work things out with her whenever I do break no contact. I guess I’m at the point where I just want the best for both of us but still miss HER and her femininity, her smartness, how optimal she is(No rest days, mon to friday studies, weekends she works to help her mom pay rent since the her parents are divorced because her dad was a coke/alcohol lover and also a had a side woman, infidelity is never cool). Sorry for the long post!!

    • Total Posts: 2868

    Stay away from pot smoking, continue with the therapist, and become a responsible person by working and saving money. When you’re better, contact her and let her know about your improvements. Your ex wants a better partner than her father was for her mother. Your ex sounds like a dependable responsible adult and she wants to be with someone with the same attributes.

    You can make a decision about moving to Canada at a later time.

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