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Boards Reconciliation Chance of getting her back after being needy?

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #115308
    AvatarJohnnyboi
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    I(27) got dumped by my girlfriend(22) in mid-april because she said she did not feel the same feelings i did and she had a crysis about her future studies.
    After a couple of days i acted desperate and the same happened in june.
    During the relationship I acted needy and clingy because of my insecurities, that might be why she stopped loving me.
    I am now seeing everything under a new light, i’m renewing myself and my life.
    I’m 90% sure that she will not see any other guy for at least 3 months because she had to prepare for an important exam.
    Do you think that if i keep no contact for some more months and then talk to her properly without being needy, clingy and desperate i could have a chance of getting her back? the last time we had a friendly chat (i was not being desperate) she said that she started crying. Important to know that i will have now to do everything by message/phone, since she moved out of my city because of her studies.

    #115315
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2817

    @Johnnyboi How long was the relationship? Specifically, what were your insecurities?

    The breakup was in June.. How long have you been doing no contact? How far away is she?

    You might have a chance if you can improve your behaviors.

    #115316
    AvatarJohnnyboi
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    The relationship lasted 1 year and i got dumped in April. My insecurities were about my future, i had no ambitions and will to improve myself. No contact has been going on for 2 weeks now. She will be about 170 miles of distance.

    • This reply was modified 4 months ago by AvatarJohnnyboi.
    • This reply was modified 4 months ago by AvatarJohnnyboi.
    #115319
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2817

    @Johnnyboi Wow.. are you in college, trade school, or do you have a job?

    How did you display needy/clingy behaviors during the relationship?

    Since the breakup was 3 months ago and no contact has only been 2 weeks, what were you two communicating about??

    #115320
    AvatarJohnnyboi
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    I am currently looking for a job, lost mine because of the pandemic. She is a very ambitious person, that probably helped feeding my insecurities.

    I displayed needy/clingy behaviors by always seeking body contact and affection, every time we were together i often hugged her or touched her in some way. I was basically the average “mr nice guy”.

    After breaking up i went no contact for about 1 month, broke no contact to ask her about some of my stuff that was at her place and then i broke down acting desperate.

    Went no contact again until 2 weeks ago when she told me that she sent me my stuff. We talked friendly for a while (she told me that she cried a bit while we were talking). She cut the conversation saying that it was not very healthy for me to talk to her right now because i might get the wrong impression or get my hopes up.

    #115321
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2817

    @Johnnyboi She probably feels badly about dumping you and that’s why she cried a bit. However, sounds like she is ambitious enough to attend college in order to earn a degree and thinks she would fit better with someone who is more educated. What kind of job did you have?

    You wrote:”i often hugged her or touched her in some way”. If it was often in a sexual way, she might have gotten the impression that you were more interested in sex than in her personally. IE: Getting to know each other better, working through issues/problems together, becoming more emotionally connected, determining over time if you were compatible in most areas, etc…

    Were there any other behaviors of yours that she wasn’t happy with??

    #115322
    AvatarJohnnyboi
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    I wasn’t clinging to her in a sexual way, just clinging. I am a chef and i am educated enough.

    The relationship looked as if there were no problems except maybe me being needy and clingy. She never complained or said that she wasn’t happy.

    She just dumped me by saying that she didn’t love me anymore and for a while she was insecure about her feelings.

    #115323
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2817

    @Johnnyboi I know you must be an imaginative creative person being a chef:)

    Okay, so now you know what behaviors you need to change.

    Hopefully, during no contact she might start missing you and reconsider her decision. But the long distance might become an issue..

    I know you must be heartbroken, but try the best you can to cope with the situation as it is now. Don’t obsess about her or what might happen in the future. Focus on yourself..

    Good luck with the job hunt!

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