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He sent a text and this one was different… he said he needed help. With exclamation points.
Background: I’m ashamed to lay out the truth because it’s so unbelievable. We’ve been together over a year, he chased me forever, even 4 years ago and I don’t even remember the dinner with him. I thought he was my usual type: nice, fun, professional guy, neither of us were looking for marriage because we are divorced. As time went on, I did more for him, he did less for me. We stopped going out. He’d have me “pick up coffee” on the way over…and forget to pay me back. Often. He did not acknowledge Christmas, New Year’s, or my birthday…we kept breaking up. He’d make a change, for a while. Finally, we had the big one. I was done. I was kind of doing No Contact, or close to it, on my own when I found this site. Then full No Contact. He was texting and getting nothing and I know he was going insane. Meanwhile, I’m sick for this moron…the physical part is unreal, addicting, and we’re together constantly. Although I allowed him to turn me into a doormat, I’m kinda confident he’d have a rough time replacing me.
So I get this message for “Help, I think I F***ed up my daughter’s financial aid!”
It was a trick, you guys. It got me to bite, “Why? what’s wrong? what happened?” He texts some mumbled B.S. about deadlines …which are NEXT MARCH and I said, “This is a ruse.” He texts: “If you want it to be…” winky face…See, he’s off work all weekend with nobody to entertain him. To be ladylike about it.
So what do I do? I email him. I say by my being a doormat I was doing him a disservice because I was taking away the generous, giving person that he really is. (I mean, I didn’t write this to him, but SURELY he’s not the selfish, narcissist we have before us now, right? who doesn’t acknowledge christmas? A one year anniversary?) Ugh, why do I care, really? To make a long, lame, story die its long overdue death…
…the gem doesn’t respond. He got me. He has the power back. So…to shake him up… I told him I was at the piercers, and oh, our friend wanted him to see her piercing pic, which I sent…and let him wonder about me.
The moral of the story…No Contact. You’ll regret it. I sooooo regret it.
Best wishes to everyone,
Sucker
Dear Sucker,
It’s s shame that you have to be treated poorly by this guy. Don’t be so hard on yourself, tho. I don’t think you gave the power back. You called his bluff and then your email told him he is being a jerk. If you hadn’t responded I guess you’d now feel more power. But you didn’t cave and you shot down his lame ploy!! I’d call it a success.
I’ve been on this site just a few days and as I read other stories its becoming clear to me that I simply need to move on from the lady I was seeing. But it is hard. I always appreciate a woman’s perspective, so please read my post in the Reconcilliation Board and share any feeedabck you have. Its called “50 year old ex GF” and was posted about 2 days ago.ht999,
He knows me too well. His other texts weren’t working but he knew if he asked for “HELP!” I’d be all over it. And now he doesn’t miss me anymore and he’s all happy.
I wrote on your “Reconciliation” … if you want it, I would not throw in the towel yet. If she’s not at “apathy” you’ve got a great shot….she has a lot of passion for you still.
Sucker
When did the HELP request happen? Just recently? If so, why woudl you think he doesn’t miss you?
The “help!” text came yesterday and after I helped lay out the financial aid guidelines…and then sent the doormat email…nothing. Not even a thank you for his fake financial crisis.
He doesn’t miss me anymore because I’m back in the loop, feeding his ego with a little drama.
I know him and he’s all happy again, life is good. I taught him that by my voicing complaints in a nice way, it shows interest and the desire to fix things. He’s smug.
Sucker
I see …you ladies are so much more intiutive in this area! Thats why I get into trouble, I act before I think.
But when did the “is this a ruse/if you want it be” occur? After you helped him?
My ex will say absolutely anything to get me to message him back. Because of that, I blocked him.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. I know what you mean though because I am the same way. I also feel like a doormat all the time, which is why I am doing the NC. He knows that I always give in eventually. Not this time. (I hope I’m strong enough haha. Sometimes I feel super strong and then other times I get weak)
Good luck to you!
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