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Boards No Contact Rule Breaking no contact to get a yes or no finally

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • #115110
    AvatarMXM
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 17

    I created a new thread a while back about no contact and not getting a reply from my ex however having broken no contact I received a reply where my ex wanted to be friends and foolishly I accepted friendship. Ever since I have been in no contact adopting the approach of if she wants to come back she has to contact me and reach out (I’m taking the approach of Craig Kenneth, The Dating Guy’s and the Rory’s from the Love Chat).

    To give context my ex and I were in an LDR for around 4 months, she’s 26 and I’m 20. We had a miscommunication, I freaked out, became depressed and needy etc which resulted in a split in December 2019.

    I’m now considering sending a text just asking for a yes or a no answer on the advice of a friend who very often gives good advice. However I have doubts about doing this because I know feelings change from day to day and moment to moment. I am not putting my life on hold for her as she was the one who walked away and I am very much keeping an open mind to other people however I know that we could work things out in future. We were the right people for each other and mix of circumstances and my poor mental health got in the way of what could have been a great relationship. I’ve learnt so much in the past few months, I’m not perfect nor am I the whole way there yet, I’m looking at getting some therapy to hopefully finally get over my insecurities and anxious attachment style.
    Essentially I’m asking should I get a yes or no answer to know whether to move on 100% or not? My friend (who is female) said that this is an attractive quality in someone if they can ask. I just don’t want to alienate my ex even more by asking and partially I am terrified of getting an answer that she is totally done with me for good and would never see a future with me again. I’m also worried about here with the current global situation.
    Many thanks!

    #115117
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2823

    @MXM The relationship was (LD-a 2 hour train ride) only 3 months long and she broke up with you in Dec 2019. You were very need/clingy (asking for reassurances) and even complained about getting 1 or 2 texts a day only after you initiated . Texting daily or texts that drag on & on can become monotonous! You seem to have been more invested/interested in the relationship than she was.

    You wrote here on Feb 24th:”I asked her if she would never consider me again and she didn’t really answer with a yes or no”. You also sent a letter in March to which she replied the breakup was for the best and you could be friends. I’m sure you were sad and disappointed in her answer, but you need to try and accept the breakup and don’t try to talk her into changing her mind!

    However, if you want to send the text to ask if she would consider possible reconciliation, go ahead, but be accepting of the answer.

    #115118
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2823

    PS: I suggest you seek therapy like you said you were going to do. I’m sure it could be done by phone or online since we’re in the midst of a pandemic at this time.

    #115119
    AvatarMXM
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 17

    Hi,
    You have an excellent memory!
    Oh I have accepted the breakup and I’m not trying to change her mind as such I just want to demonstrate how I’ve changed really but I guess that’s impossible at the moment with the current pandemic.
    I think the best thing is to maintain no contact and to give her more space, as much as she needs perhaps?
    I hate not being able to do anything or able to make the situation better.
    I’m sorting out therapy now, I have had some already and now know what I need to discuss in future sessions.
    Many thanks,
    M

    #115120
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2823

    @MXM Actually I don’t have a good memory. I re-read some of your other post dating back to February.

    If you haven’t contact her in 2 1/2 months, you could send one more text telling her you’ve had a few sessions of therapy, understand your mistakes and working on self improvements. You could also ask if she would consider possible reconciliation..

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